-Caveat Lector-
Sometimes, we just have to laugh at our ideas. This is a cute article.
Enjoy! Hilary
Vast Winged Conspiracies Something to Worry About
>From the Pages of Paranoia
By Peter Carlson Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, March 16, 1999; Page C01
My head hurts like it's been shot through with fire as I write this column,
because every time I think forbidden thoughts my brain gets zapped by the
transmitter that was implanted in my cranium by agents of the New World
Order.
But I'm going to write it anyway, because the fate of the world depends on
getting this information out.
People look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them about the transmitter in
my
brain, but they'll have to stop snickering behind my back because now I've
got
proof. In the Winter 1999 issue of Paranoia magazine, there's a picture of
the
radio transmitter that was placed in Robert Naeslund's brain. It looks like
a
little beach umbrella. It was stuck in his head by the Swedish Security
Police
because he was a threat to their secret mind control projects. And if the
Swedish police are doing this, you just know that the FBI and the Russians
must be doing it, too. Which explains those strange voices in my head.
The FBI and the Russians are in cahoots, part of the whole New World Order
conspiracy that includes the Federal Reserve, the Freemasons, the Bavarian
Illuminati and the Bilderberg Group. They're plotting to use the famine and
chaos caused by the Y2K bug as an excuse to take over the world by Dec. 31,
2000, and make every human being carry a "Universal biometric ID card." And
if
you don't believe me, you can read their secret plans in the March issue of
Free American -- the same issue that reveals that microwaved food is bad
for
your blood and that bras cause breast cancer.
You can't tell what's REALLY going on in the world unless you read
magazines
like Paranoia and Free American and Media Bypass. They aren't part of the
elite media conspiracy. They're published by "patriots" out in the
heartland
-- Media Bypass in Indiana, Free American in New Mexico and Paranoia in
Rhode
Island -- and they've popped up in the last decade to blow the whistle on
the
international mind control program designed to enslave us all. For
instance,
Media Bypass reveals that the elections of 1992 and 1996 were "frauds"
designed to put a "CIA couple" in the White House. The whole thing was
arranged by the Council on Foreign Relations and the CIA with help from the
Rockefellers and the Rothschilds and the British monarchy. In fact, when
Clinton got his Rhodes scholarship back in the '60s, he pledged to aid the
Rhodes goal of "overthrowing the American Government and reverting this
continent and land mass to again being a British Monarchy colony."
Free America reveals that all those FBI and ATF agents who have invaded the
mountains of North Carolina aren't really looking for Eric Rudolph, the
alleged abortion bomber. That's just their excuse. They're really "TYRANTS
preparing for war with the American people." And the whole Monica scandal
was
just a "political smoke screen" designed to distract the American people
"while Clinton and his cronies consistently and inexorably move us deeper
and
deeper into the New World Order."
That's scary. But not half as scary as the Paranoia story called "I Was a
Sex
Slave for the CIA." In it, a woman named Cathy O'Brien, author of
"TranceFormation of America," reveals how she was imprisoned in "The
Bunkhouse," a subbasement room in the Pentagon, and used for the perverse
sexual pleasure of high government officials, including an unnamed former
president. It was a horrible ordeal, of course, but she did manage to come
back with some important information, including the revelation that UFO
abductions are really just cover stories for secret CIA mind control
experiments.
Sometimes, I read stuff like this and I think, Hey, that sounds a little
far-
fetched. But then I realize that I'm not really thinking that. The thought
is
being beamed into my brain via the transmitter in my head. Which shows you
just how far they will go to stop the truth.
The ads in these magazines are just as important as the articles. There are
ads for the secret cancer cure that has been suppressed by the drug
industry
since 1934. And ads for dried foods and "emergency survival tabs" that can
keep you alive when the Y2K bug ends civilization as we know it and the New
World Order tries to starve us into submission.
There are also ads for books that the big chain stores refuse to stock
because
they're in on the conspiracy, too. Books like "Circle of Intrigue," which
shows that "Ten Unseen Men Rule the World!" And "Space Aliens From the
Pentagon," which is the first book to reveal the secrets of the flying
saucers
and their role in the "mind control hoax copied from the Third Reich,
covertly
implemented through 'national security' meant to perpetuate the coercive
monopoly of a corporate-state elite."
These magazines are absolutely essential, and that's why it drives me wild
when the clerk at Borders gives me that condescending look when I buy them.
I'm pretty sure he's a spy for the New World Order and he's secretly
photographing me. That's why I always wear a ski mask and Groucho Marx
glasses
when I shop there. The clerk is one of those young whippersnappers who wear
their baseball caps backward. Ever wonder why millions of kids suddenly
started doing that? I suspect the transmitters in their brains told them
to.
Lately, I've had a hard time finding these magazines on newsstands. The
last
Media Bypass I could find was the December issue. An accident? I doubt it.
There are people in high places who don't want us to read the truth.
If the New World Order has cracked down on your favorite newsstand, you can
get in touch with these mags via the Web. Media Bypass is at
www.4bypass.com.
Free American is at www.freeamerican.com. Paranoia doesn't seem to have a
Web
site but you can subscribe by sending $19 to Box 1041, Providence, R.I.
02901.
The only problem is that your magazines will be delivered to your door by a
uniformed agent of the federal government, which is pretty scary.
Well, I gotta go now. My brain is smoking from those shocks from that
transmitter. Remember: If you hear that I had a horrible fatal "accident"
after this column came out, don't believe a word of it. There are no
accidents
in the New World Order.
� Copyright 1999 The Washington Post Company
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