-Caveat Lector-
http://www.nationalreview.com/shiflett/shiflett072402.asp
July 24, 2002 8:45 a.m.
Mystery of Life Solved
It's unanimous!
A wise man once told me he had no problem with God; it was His ground crew
that sometimes gave reason for pause and trepidation. This was long before
the Islamist Air Force attacked America, and before graffiti artists,
responding to a well-known scandal, began scrawling "Our Lady of Perpetual
Buggery" on some church facades.
While there's been a great deal of discussion about the overall boost
religion has received from the attacks, fairness dictates greater notice of
the alternative view, which considers the ongoing war another example of
"faith-based" mayhem that would not occur if humans would simply accept that
they are born into a godless and ultimately meaningless universe, where they
will struggle, suffer, and die, but perhaps see some good ballgames and eat
delicious cheeseburgers in the interim, which makes the exercise all
worthwhile.
That view of course completely overlooks the incalculable good that
religions do in the world, both in psychic terms and in providing relief to
suffering humanity. One did not see 9/11 victims carried off to the Ayn Rand
Memorial Hospital, for instance, but instead to hospitals dedicated to
various saints. But there's not denying the religious component. The
Islamist militants want to destroy our heathen culture. For their part, the
brothers at the Southern Baptist Convention condemn Islam as a violent
religion, adding that its prophet is "a demon-possessed pedophile who had 12
wives, and his last one was a nine-year-old girl."
All of which raises that age-old question: Will this greatest mystery of
life - the true nature of God (if God) - ever be settled?
As it happens, a definitive answer may be at hand. According to
advertisements taken out in major papers around the country, the Rev. Sun
Myung Moon has been tapped as this world's "King of Kings." That these
particular advertisements were paid for by the reverend is perhaps worth
noting, but only in passing.
I have no objectivity on this matter, so let's turn to Jim Remsen of the
Philadelphia Inquirer, who has reported on the ad campaign. According to Mr.
Remsen, Moon is "proclaiming that Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha - even God - have
told him he is now 'the Savior, Messiah and King of Kings of all of
humanity!'" He also reports that Moon is paying $720,000 to place the ads in
papers across the country, which makes him something of a saint in this time
of falling revenues. That the ads run 7,000 words, outstripping the Sermon
on the Mount by a fair distance, underscores the importance of the message.
It appears Moon was informed of his new standing during "a seminar in the
spirit world for leaders of five of the great religions." Explains Mr.
Remsen: "40 leaders of the five faiths, as well as Karl Marx and three other
Communist greats, express their obeisance to Mr. Moon. At the celestial
event, Mohammad is said to have led three cheers, while God submitted a
letter stating, 'I believe in the True Parents.'" Perhaps it should be
mentioned here that Moon and his wife (his second, as memory serves) bill
themselves at the True Parents.
This is a stunning development, to put it mildly, though it does affirm
various optimistic beliefs, including the belief that there are indeed
Second Acts in America. As is well known, Moon was excommunicated from the
Korean Presbyterian Church, which may have been miffed by his insistence
that a failed Jesus had tapped him to "finish" his work here on Earth. After
moving to America, Moon did a year and a half in the jug for tax evasion.
His newspaper, the Washington Times, has gobbled up hundreds of millions of
dollars, will not let him have any official role in editorial matters, and
has a circulation hovering somewhere around the 100,000 mark, which is
nothing to crow about.
That he has now been named King of Kings - the top job on Earth and perhaps
the Universe as well - only goes to show that Ronald Reagan was right: Hang
around in America long enough and good things are bound to happen.
It is also true that the presence of Karl Marx at this celestial event
confirms the widespread hope that everyone goes to Heaven. As Moon and his
anti-communist allies (ahem) were fond of pointing out, communism has been
the most pernicious belief system in history, and may be responsible for 100
million deaths, give or take. Some of us will recall rallies of the Lunar
Faithful during which thundering refrains of "Victory Over Communism" shook
the very skies.
Now it appears that Karl not only went to Heaven, but was given voting
status. One can imagine the scene:
God: I propose a resolution in which Sun is named King of Kings. What
about it, Karl?
Marx: I see absolutely no contradiction in this.
Mohammed: Hip-hip-hooray!
Whether this ad campaign will be good for recruiting remains an open
question. And while one religion cannot be used to define all other
religions - any more than the acts of a rogue government demeans government
itself - one assumes that those who believe religion is madness will not be
rethinking their position in light of this development.
- Dave Shiflett is coauthor of Christianity on Trial.
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