This frightening story is from www.chaser.com.au, an Australian news magazine. I have
censored some rude words for the more sensitive on the list, but those who find such
things distasteful are warned to stop reading now!
Gays announce hijack of new words
SYDNEY, Tuesday: In a move confirming the worst fears of conservatives,
representatives of the gay community today announced a list of words they intend to
hijack over the next five years.
“We’re pretty happy with what we’ve done to ‘gay’,” a spokesman said joyously.
“Instead of ‘lighthearted’ or ‘male character in pre-1910 fiction’ everyone who sees
the words instantly thinks of two moustaches gobbling each other’s helmet.”
Meetings of the Gays for Removing Innocence from the English Language have now decided
that the time has come to expand their targets.
“Among the terms slated for hijack are ‘happy’ - which will mean passive recipient of
anal intercourse from the beginning of financial year 2002 – to ‘appointment’ which
now designates an amyl-nitrate soaked orgy in a public toilet. The meanings of the
terms ‘amused’, ‘sardonic’ ‘insouciant’ ‘dentist’ and ‘plain upstanding bloke who
objects to words being hijacked’ have also all been altered, to ‘fistf****r’.”
The move has the full backing - in the old sense – of a wide range of groups,
including the ALP, the Uniting Church and the Trilateral Commission. However, church
and other bodies have protested.
“This is a devastating attack on people who want to talk in a normal way,” said the
Reverend Howard Nagle at a Kings Cross rally. He was later attacked by a phalanx of
soaped-up linedancers who took his use of the word “devastating” and “normal” to be a
clear invitation to perverted nipple clamping high jinks.
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