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[PM Kansan1225]

    Supermodel/actress Heidi Klum is really getting into her new
movie role as my West Coast associate Miss Jildau Van Nuys for
the upcoming major motion picture "Fight all CLuMs and especially
P. & U.K.E.", based on my latest book.

Heidi was in Los Angeles recently meeting with Jildau and Mrs.
Milagros Margolis at Milagros' house in Azusa.  After savoring
Mrs. M's chicken paprikosh with fried bananas, Heidi exclaimed:

"It's divine, it's simply miraculous!  I am sorry I can not have
any more, ve models must alvays vatch our figures."

Milagros Margolis:  "But, Heidi darling, you are so skinny,
have just a bit more."

H.K.:  "I have to verk very hard to keep like zis.  Exercise,
exercise all ze time."

Jildau Van Nuys:  "At least have some more of this heavenly
coffee.  What kind of exercise works best for you?"

H.K.:  "I have a regular regime and pay close attention to my
butt, my problem area.  It never ends.  Even ven I am in line at ze
movies, I sqveeze my cheeks, one at a time, or bos at ze same time.
Try it, it verks."

J.V.N.:  "But aren't you afraid that some of your fans in the line
may get overly excited by all these movements?"

H.K.:  "I get Ric, my husband, to cover me from behind."

M.M.:  "Well, all this hard work is paying off for you."

H.K.:  "Yes, and now I am getting more acting offers.  I am
really glad to be part of ze 'CLuM' movie.  By ze vay did you hear
vat zat creep, Captain Zodiac, vas spoonfeeding to Rhonda
Schlepper ze ozzer night?"

M.M.:  "It's all to be expected.  What I say is that if
Kansan1225 has Interpol, British Intelligence, the KBI, the FBI, the
KGB, and the MPD, all of them badmouthing him, he must be
doing something right."

J.V.N.:  "I was half expecting Zodiac to say that since Kansan
was a graduate student at a world-famous Institute here in Southern
California in the 1970s, he may have been responsible for slipping
the 'Face on Mars' photograph in the data stream coming back from
Viking 1 back in July 1976."

M.M.:  "That's right.  Kansan1225 may be responsible for the
AIDS epidemic, the Oklahoma City bombing, the attack on the
USS Cole, and Richard Hoagland."

H.K.:   "Ven I first became avare of Kansan, I sought he vas a
stalker veirdo.  Soon I realized he vas dschust a harmless little
shlemiel drooling over my photographs on ze Internet.  But vat an
intellect!"

J.V.N.:  "Yes, he is a great kidder, too."

H.K.:  "He keeps making fun of my accent.  Look who's
talking, zat hillbilly."

M.M.:  "We all have our little peculiarities.  Sometimes Kansan
reminds me of St. Anthony the Great, fighting off temptations in the
desert."

J.V.N.:  "What amazes me is how people, who see the clear
evidence of his truth, can be so blind."

H.K.:  "It is not zat surprising.  Remember ze generation zat
lived vit Jesus;  zey saw ze miracles, but most of zem did not
believe.  After all, es ist geschrieben, 'if zey hear not Moses and ze
prophets, neizzer vill zey be persuaded, zough one rose from ze
dead', Luke, chapter 16, verse 31.  Zat adulterous dscheneration
saw ze miracles, saw Jesus rising from ze dead, and still most of
zem did not believe."

J.V.N.  "Some people think that predicting the day of a terrorist
attack is as simple as predicting the outcome of a Presidential
election."

H.K.:  "Vell, let's look into zat."  Heidi reached into her
handbag and her long fingers pulled out her crimson lipstick.  She
wrote this formula on a napkin:

Information = - log (Probability)

H.K.:  "Ze value of ze information is inverse to ze probability of
ze outcome predicted.  In a Presidential election each outcome has
about a 50% probability.  Zerefore, if ve calculate ve get
Information = - log (0.50) = 0.3."  She said these words while
furiously pounding the keys of her calculator.  "Predicting an attack
for a particular day of a 30-day month has an information value of
-log ( 1/30 ) = 1.5.  You see, ze second kind of prediction is about
five times more informative."

M.M.  "Wow, Heidi querida, reading 'Contemporary
Indications of a Conspiracy' has really broadened your mind."

H.K.:  "I am really looking forvard to ze December issue,
especially ze section on ze Eleusinian Mysteries."

J.V.N.:  "Ah, Heidi, you're so vain.  You probably think that
section is all about you."