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GULAG BRITANNIA
newsbytes andrew
hennessey
PRESCOTT strikes out to DELIVER TONY'S
MANIFISTO
Deputy Premier of the UK John [2 Jags] Prescott -
was hit by an egg from a protestor complaining about rural decline, and issues
like the death of the agriculture business in the UK - Prescott in the middle of
an election campaign turned round and grabbed the guy and punched him squarely
on the chin - the two then fell over in a melee.
Prescotts nickname of 2 jags comes from his
relentless war against the car user and petrol buyer, attempting to put the
communting population into buses - and save petrol - prescott himself runs 2 v8
jaguars and uses them to drive everywhere.
Prescott had nothing to say about new mental health
legislation and governmental zero tolerance policies, but then again - maybe
actions speak louder than words.
His other recent achievements include wrecking a
european summit with sexist remarks and when he was accused by politicians from
belgium and france of being sexist - he facetiously said 'moi ??'
Looks like the lad has got a bit of an attitude
problem
Meanwhile Tony on TV answered peoples concerns
about Scotland having the worst record of heart disease in europe and their only
heart surgeon was moved to england - with a broad grin.
He was heard humming the germanic anthem 'Tony,
Tony, Uber Alles' by the bbc tea lady
and assures us publicly that his time with the
Bildeburgers in Athens in 1974 was NOT wasted.
Meanwhile - conspiracy punters will be reassured to
know that MI5 have declared themselves to be only 'indirectly interested in the
internet'. When approached about the issue of the Ministry of Communications in
Kuwait - a foreign power, waging cyberwar against UK citizens, Clive the
security official on 00 44 207 930 9000 declared that it was not the duty of MI5
to defend UK citizens from a foreign military power. Guidance issued by the
foreign office middle east section Whitehall suggests that individuals should
sue the Nation concerned.
Meanwhile in a step up of the war against farming
and farmers in the UK - a counterintelligence group posing as eco activists have
bombarded schools with postcards vilifying the drinking of milk.
In a further tirade of abuse against the greens -
the president of the farmers union in the UK declared that eco activists had
been responsible for the global foot and mouth epidemic - that after the
original northumbria outbreak had been traced to an army base and then blamed on
chinese waiters.
It is of course possible that a zeta reticulan
spaceship involved in cattle mutilation was also responsible
Tony Blair last night on TV was asked by suspicious
people why it had taken him seven years to improve the standards in hospital
service - a pledge that he said he would deliver on within months of getting
elected the last time - but he answered the concerns with an inane grin -
there were however flashes of fear leaking through his facial expressions and
the prickly sweat on his lying forehead was also a dead giveaway - and just
whenever one thought that Tonys facial expressions were really telling it all -
the cameras would then point to a person scrathching their nose in the
audience.
Former MI5 agent David Shayler was told yesterday
he could not use his right to free speech as a defence against charges of
leaking state secrets. Shayler, 35 said he acted in the public interest when he
passed on information to the Mail on Sunday three years ago. But High Court
Judge Mr Justice Moses rules that human rights laws were not an issue in the
case. However Shayler will appeal against the judgement, delaying his trial on
three alleged breaches of the Official Secrets act at least until
november.
the 35 year old, who returned to the UK last year
from self imposed exile in France, said: 'If the Human Rights Act has no bearing
here, then we can only conclude it is simply more beaurocratic window dressing
to hide the fact that Britons have fewer rights over the Government than
citizens elsewhere in the West. [Metro p11 may17 2001] 'The
implications of this decision are enormous. If it is correct, the security
services can take comfort from the fact that they are immune from
whistleblowing.'
Meanwhile in the UK - for every dollar spent on a
gallon of gas - 84 percent goes to the government on TAX - leader of the
scottish national party John Swinney, said 'It is utterly absurd that in
oil rich scotland we pay the highest fuel prices in the western world. Labour
MPs have consistently voted to ensure that scottish motorists are penalised by
an anti-scottish policy hatched at westminster.'
It was recently featured on BBC panorama - that one
of the worst drug abuse epidemics in the UK has resulted from doctors repeatedly
prescribing tranquilisers like Temazepam a drug which should technically only be
a short course. Research into millions of prescriptions has shown that thousands
of people are severely addicted to these chemicals in the UK.
It was reported that intial findings of a research
unit looking into vCJD - mad cow disease have linked the manifestation of the
disease and its incubation rates to genetic constitution - and that it has been
shown that the initial number of cases of vCJD has actually been surprisingly
high - the scientists have indicated that there is a biological timebomb ticking
away in the UK population - and expect an epidemic of vCJD fatalities in the
future.
Despite absurd levels on non-human interaction with
the population of scotland - the news blackout on local UFO sightings
continues.
andrew hennessey
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