> > NEW JEWISH HAIKU > > > > > > > > > After the warm rain > > > the sweet smell of camellias. > > > Did you wipe your feet? > > > > > > Her lips near my ear, > > > Aunt Sadie whispers the name > > > of her friend's disease. > > > > > > Looking for pink buds > > > to prune, the old moyel roams > > > among his flowers. > > > > > > Today I am a man. > > > Tomorrow I will return > > > to the seventh grade. > > > > > > Harsh Scrabble discord-- > > > someone has placed "putzhead" on > > > a triple word score. > > > > > > Testing the warm milk > > > on her wrist, she sighs softly. > > > But her son is forty. > > > > > > The sparkling blue sea > > > reminds me to wait an hour > > > after my sandwich. > > > > > > Tea ceremony-- > > > fragrant steam perfumes the air. > > > Try the cheese danish. > > > > > > Lacking fins or tail > > > the gefilte fish swims with > > > great difficulty. > > > > > > Lovely butterfly-- > > > not long ago your name was > > > Caterpillarstein. > > > > > > A cat steals into > > > the night just like my former > > > partner, that gonif. > > > > > > Yom Kippur-- Forgive > > > me, Lord, for the Mercedes > > > and all that lobster. > > > > > > My nature journal -- > > > today, I saw some trees and birds. > > > I should know the names? > > > > > > Like a bonsai tree, > > > your terrible posture at > > > my dinner table. > > > > > > Beyond Valium > > > the peace of knowing one's child > > > is an internist. > > > > > > Jews on safari -- > > > map, compass, elephant gun, > > > hard sucking candies. > > > > > > Coroner's report -- > > > "The deceased, wearing no hat, > > > caught his death of cold." > > > > > > The same kimono > > > the top geishas are wearing: > > > got it at Loehmann's. > > > > > > The sparrow brings home > > > too many worms for her young. > > > "Force yourself," she chirps. > > > > > > Jewish triathlon: > > > gin rummy, then contract bridge, > > > followed by a nap. > > > > > > "Can't you just leave it?" > > > the new Jewish mother asks -- > > > umbilical cord. > > > > > > The shivah visit: > > > so sorry about your loss. > > > Now back to my problems. > > > > > > Our youngest daughter, > > > our most precious jewel. > > > Hence the name, Tiffany. > > > > > > Mom, please! There is no > > > need to put that dinner roll > > > in your pocketbook. > > > > > > Seven-foot Jews in > > > the NBA slam-dunking! > > > My alarm clock rings. > > > > > > Concert of car horns > > > as we debate the question > > > of when to change lanes. > > > > > > Sorry I'm not home > > > to take your call. At the tone > > > please state your bad news > > > > > > Is one Nobel Prize > > > so much to ask from a child > > > after all I've done? > > > > > > Hava nagila, > > > hava nagila, hava-- > > > enough already. > > > > > > Would-be convert lost-- > > > thawed Lender's Bagels made a > > > bad first impression. > > > > > > Today, mild shvitzing. > > > Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz. > > > Five-day forecast-feh > > > > > > Left the door open. > > > for the Prophet Elijah. > > > Now our cat is gone. > > > > > > > > > Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt. > > > Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Tochis. > > > Oy! To be fluent! > > > > > > Quietly murmured > > > at Saturday services, > > > Yanks 5, Red Sox 3. > > > > > > Lonely mantra of > > > the Buddhist monk--"They never > > > call, they never write." > > > > > > Look, Beryl! I've found > > > the most splendid tchochke for > > > our Chanukah bush. > > > > > > The long pilgrimage > > > to the venerable shrine - > > > Leonard's of Great Neck. > > > > > > Cherry blossoms bloom. > > > Sure, it's beautiful, but is > > > it good for the Jews? > > > > > > A lovely nose ring -- > > > excuse me while I put my > > > head in the oven. > > > > > > Hard to tell under > > > the lights--white Yarmulke or > > > male-pattern baldness? > > > > > > Wet moss on the old > > > stones. Lying in the grass, I > > > ponder who to sue.
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