Which one is the wife?
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, TurquoiseB <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> [ The set is the town square, which is filled with
> people partying down and dancing to the sounds of
> ZZ Top (dressed as they were in a similar scene in
> Back To The Future Part III). Everyone is having a
> great time, the soma is flowing, and in the distance
> you can hear the gentle lowing of Vedic cows. Then
> two people, pushing dancers and merrymakers out of
> their way as they make their way through the crowd,
> climb the stairs, grab the ZZ Top guys by the beards
> and throw them off the stage, and then take over the
> twin microphones and begin to address the crowd. ]
>
> Judy: Shut up and listen out there, people. Dan and
> I have something to say to you.
>
> Dan: Yeah, shut up and listen. Dan and I have some-
> thing to say to you.
>
> Judy [under her breath]: Dan, how many times have I
> warned you about that parrot thing...you're supposed
> to say "Judy and I have something to say to you."
> Haven't you got a mind of your own? [to the crowd]
> Yeah, Dan and I have something to say. We are hereby
> turning this party into a wedding celebration for the
> two of us -- we just got married.
>
> [Total silence. A few people take advantage of the
> quiet to go back to the Soma Bar for a refill. As if
> she didn't notice, Judy continues...]
>
> Judy: Yes, Dan and I got hitched. Can't you tell by
> our clothes?
>
> [ The bride wears a white Muu Muu designed by Kathie
> Lee Gifford for K-Mart; the groom is wearing an ill-
> fitting cream-colored suit, also from K-Mart, with a
> smashing American flag pin in one lapel and a gold
> locket that says "M says" around his neck, hanging
> over his "Don't talk to me about terrorism or I'll
> kill you" necktie. ]
>
> Dan: Yeah, can't you tell by our clothes?
>
> Judy: We've decided to take over your celebration
> and turn it into a wedding reception for us, because,
> well...we deserve a celebration and you don't, and
> because we didn't really have any friends of our own
> to invite to one, so you'll have to do.
>
> Dan: Yeah, you'll have to do.
>
> Judy: We know that you're all anxious to hear about
> the wedding itself [groans from the crowd], so we'll
> tell you a little about it. It was a simple ceremony
> in the Vedic style -- we slaughtered a horse, gave
> offerings to the gods, and waved enough camphor around
> to start a range fire.
>
> Dan [to Judy]: It *was* funny when the preacher caught
> on fire, wasn't it? Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh.
>
> Judy: Shut up, Dan. Anyway, we didn't exchange vows or
> anything bourgeois like that. We're far too evolved
> for such nonsense. We just signed the proper prenups
> (I now am legal owner of everything Dan has ever earned
> or bought in his life) and waved the camphor and kissed
> once -- chastely -- and then came here, for the REAL
> ceremony.
>
> Dan: Yeah, REAL. Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh.
>
> Judy [aside]: Shut up, Dan, and get out your script. (to
> the crowd] What we're going to do instead of exchanging
> vows and celebrating our happiness is to read aloud a
> list of YOUR faults and do our best to make you miserable.
>
> Dan: We are the postmen...oh, sorry, Judy...the post-
> persons of your karma!
>
> Judy: Yes, we are going to do you all an enormous karmic
> favor by interrupting your ongoing festivities to tell
> you EXACTLY what we think of you, in the hopes that some-
> day you might be able to change, and to become as highly
> evolved and as perfect as we are.
>
> Dan: Perfect. Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh.
>
> Judy: So here goes. Instead of 'exchanging vows,' we are
> going to 'exchange rants.' Each of us will read a short
> prose poem composed of the things that we -- as highly
> evolved beings -- think of you -- the scum. [irritated]
> Dan, get your FUCKING script out, will you?! You don't
> want me to have to use the genital cuff on you again
> tonight, do you?
>
> Dan: Got my script right here, darling. Heh heh. Heh.
>
> Judy: I'll start. ** My name is Judy. Did you
> really think nobody would know who you were referring
> to? You're utterly clueless. There's nothing wrong with
> what you say; it's who's saying it. Non sequitur. You're
> wrong. I don't think I spend that much time defending
> the TMO. Better come up with some *real* lies if you
> want to make your point. You're wrong, probably more
> thoroughly than most here. Seems to be an enduring
> compulsion on the part of certain former-TMers-turned-
> TM-critics. You're not part of the solution, you're
> part of the problem. Non sequitur. What an odd question.
> You've already forgotten what you and I were talking about.
> Unfair and mendacious attacks on other people that cause
> *them* pain cause *me* pain. Some of us have known him
> electronically for many years and don't trust him any
> further than we could throw him, if he came within reach.
> I don't attack sincere, straightforward, relatively
> respectful people with disparaging labels. Non sequitur.
> Maybe you should try some different pharmaceuticals, those
> designed to suppress psychosis rather than facilitate it?
> And you can bag the little lectures. I don't give any
> credence to "advice" from people for whom I have no
> respect. I'm not interested in discussing it *with you*.
> That reflects negatively on you, not on him. As do your
> nitwit notions about what I believe. The whole "compulsive
> posting" mantra is a crock. You really *are* out of touch
> with reality. Yeah, probably best not to work yourself into
> a tizzy. Bullcrap. Terrorists lurking next to avocados??
> Would that be while they're still on the tree, or should
> I wear my tinfoil hat to the supermarket as well? You might
> want to get a logic check as well. If I were God, the misery
> and cruelty inflicted on those poor hogs would make me very,
> VERY angry. Hint: You'll have to *read* it first. Oh, no
> need to apologize. I don't feel victimized by attacks from
> people for whom I have no respect. Now go back and read what
> I wrote. Now go back and read what I wrote. Now go back and
> read what I wrote. I believe I already explained that attacks
> by those for whom I have no respect do not cause me pain. I'm
> actually giving you the benefit of the doubt here. If you
> *did* actually believe what you say about me, you'd be
> dangerously out of touch with reality.
>
> [ The crowd stopped listening at "My name is Judy," but
> Judy never notices. She is totally into it, delivering her
> poem with the manic fervor of Charles Bukowsky doing a
> poetry reading while suffering from a serious case of crabs.
> When she runs down and stops talking, she notices that Dan
> is kinda playing "pocket pool" with himself instead of
> giving her the undivided attention she deserves. She whacks
> him upside the head, and gestures for him to read *his* poem. ]
>
> Dan: ** I'm just a simple boy from Harlem, NY. Your small-
> minded parochial attitudes are evident with every word
> that you type. One word spoken reveals the man's entire
> way. Enjoy. I find you to be angry, sad and lacking
> social behavior. Don't post to me with such disrespect.
> Going from 'boat to boat' will not get the seeker to
> the other shore. I repect what you could be, but not
> much now. Devetas AND cake. Enjoy! If there's one thing
> that M has taught, it's that each self creates experience.
> I think that you want someone agree with you to share
> your twisted pain. Thank you for confiming that you are
> a sorry old man, worthless. My bowel movement is exquisite
> when compared to your Personality. You can't change. That's
> why you deserve each other's company so much. Memes are
> responsible for the restlessness of posters? You are con-
> flicted. When you get your posting limit restored, please
> do not reply. You must be very lonely. You put nothing real
> up, just noise. Too mcu noise, i'll respond to content. Two
> paranoids for two. What's the chances? In your case i do
> believe that beating the monkey with a stick may be approp-
> riate. It is evident to me that you are incoherent. Robert.
> I was in the WTC. You suck. Paranoid and potty-mouthed. You
> have the developmental stage of a five year old. Please
> advance before responding. You deserve your misery. Don't
> think that visiting a message board will improve that. My
> responses are the exact karma for you. I will continue to
> deliver your karma to you... It's ugly, but 100% deserved.
> I think I'll go take a shower now.
>
> [ Dan, carried away, begins to fondle his genitalia again.
> Judy smacks him a good one upside the head, and Dan switches
> to fondling the sore spot. ]
>
> Judy: That's it for now, but we'll be back to fuck up as
> many of your celebrations as possible in the future.
>
> Dan: Yeah. Robert. Devatas AND cake.
>
> Judy [exasperated]: Dan, get it together. It's *definitely*
> the genital cuff for you tonight!
>
> Dan: Enjoy! Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh. Robert.
>
> [ The happy couple leave, claw in claw, and the party
> resumes. The ZZ Top guys launch into Gimme All Your
> Lovin' and everyone dances. The bride and groom are
> forgotten more quickly than roadkill after it goes
> "Thump!" under your tires. Fade to gold. ]
>
>
> ** Director's Commentary on the DVD version: "The following
> 'prose poems' are made up of Dan and Judy's actual words,
> culled from posts that they made to Fairfield Life over a
> period of two weeks in June, 2008."
>
