Bravo! Can't wait to see the movie. (I assume the horse snorts, belly laughs and guffaws from Judy will get dubbed in later during post.)
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, TurquoiseB <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > [ The set is the town square, which is filled with > people partying down and dancing to the sounds of > ZZ Top (dressed as they were in a similar scene in > Back To The Future Part III). Everyone is having a > great time, the soma is flowing, and in the distance > you can hear the gentle lowing of Vedic cows. Then > two people, pushing dancers and merrymakers out of > their way as they make their way through the crowd, > climb the stairs, grab the ZZ Top guys by the beards > and throw them off the stage, and then take over the > twin microphones and begin to address the crowd. ] > > Judy: Shut up and listen out there, people. Dan and > I have something to say to you. > > Dan: Yeah, shut up and listen. Dan and I have some- > thing to say to you. > > Judy [under her breath]: Dan, how many times have I > warned you about that parrot thing...you're supposed > to say "Judy and I have something to say to you." > Haven't you got a mind of your own? [to the crowd] > Yeah, Dan and I have something to say. We are hereby > turning this party into a wedding celebration for the > two of us -- we just got married. > > [Total silence. A few people take advantage of the > quiet to go back to the Soma Bar for a refill. As if > she didn't notice, Judy continues...] > > Judy: Yes, Dan and I got hitched. Can't you tell by > our clothes? > > [ The bride wears a white Muu Muu designed by Kathie > Lee Gifford for K-Mart; the groom is wearing an ill- > fitting cream-colored suit, also from K-Mart, with a > smashing American flag pin in one lapel and a gold > locket that says "M says" around his neck, hanging > over his "Don't talk to me about terrorism or I'll > kill you" necktie. ] > > Dan: Yeah, can't you tell by our clothes? > > Judy: We've decided to take over your celebration > and turn it into a wedding reception for us, because, > well...we deserve a celebration and you don't, and > because we didn't really have any friends of our own > to invite to one, so you'll have to do. > > Dan: Yeah, you'll have to do. > > Judy: We know that you're all anxious to hear about > the wedding itself [groans from the crowd], so we'll > tell you a little about it. It was a simple ceremony > in the Vedic style -- we slaughtered a horse, gave > offerings to the gods, and waved enough camphor around > to start a range fire. > > Dan [to Judy]: It *was* funny when the preacher caught > on fire, wasn't it? Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh. > > Judy: Shut up, Dan. Anyway, we didn't exchange vows or > anything bourgeois like that. We're far too evolved > for such nonsense. We just signed the proper prenups > (I now am legal owner of everything Dan has ever earned > or bought in his life) and waved the camphor and kissed > once -- chastely -- and then came here, for the REAL > ceremony. > > Dan: Yeah, REAL. Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh. > > Judy [aside]: Shut up, Dan, and get out your script. (to > the crowd] What we're going to do instead of exchanging > vows and celebrating our happiness is to read aloud a > list of YOUR faults and do our best to make you miserable. > > Dan: We are the postmen...oh, sorry, Judy...the post- > persons of your karma! > > Judy: Yes, we are going to do you all an enormous karmic > favor by interrupting your ongoing festivities to tell > you EXACTLY what we think of you, in the hopes that some- > day you might be able to change, and to become as highly > evolved and as perfect as we are. > > Dan: Perfect. Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh. > > Judy: So here goes. Instead of 'exchanging vows,' we are > going to 'exchange rants.' Each of us will read a short > prose poem composed of the things that we -- as highly > evolved beings -- think of you -- the scum. [irritated] > Dan, get your FUCKING script out, will you?! You don't > want me to have to use the genital cuff on you again > tonight, do you? > > Dan: Got my script right here, darling. Heh heh. Heh. > > Judy: I'll start. ** My name is Judy. Did you > really think nobody would know who you were referring > to? You're utterly clueless. There's nothing wrong with > what you say; it's who's saying it. Non sequitur. You're > wrong. I don't think I spend that much time defending > the TMO. Better come up with some *real* lies if you > want to make your point. You're wrong, probably more > thoroughly than most here. Seems to be an enduring > compulsion on the part of certain former-TMers-turned- > TM-critics. You're not part of the solution, you're > part of the problem. Non sequitur. What an odd question. > You've already forgotten what you and I were talking about. > Unfair and mendacious attacks on other people that cause > *them* pain cause *me* pain. Some of us have known him > electronically for many years and don't trust him any > further than we could throw him, if he came within reach. > I don't attack sincere, straightforward, relatively > respectful people with disparaging labels. Non sequitur. > Maybe you should try some different pharmaceuticals, those > designed to suppress psychosis rather than facilitate it? > And you can bag the little lectures. I don't give any > credence to "advice" from people for whom I have no > respect. I'm not interested in discussing it *with you*. > That reflects negatively on you, not on him. As do your > nitwit notions about what I believe. The whole "compulsive > posting" mantra is a crock. You really *are* out of touch > with reality. Yeah, probably best not to work yourself into > a tizzy. Bullcrap. Terrorists lurking next to avocados?? > Would that be while they're still on the tree, or should > I wear my tinfoil hat to the supermarket as well? You might > want to get a logic check as well. If I were God, the misery > and cruelty inflicted on those poor hogs would make me very, > VERY angry. Hint: You'll have to *read* it first. Oh, no > need to apologize. I don't feel victimized by attacks from > people for whom I have no respect. Now go back and read what > I wrote. Now go back and read what I wrote. Now go back and > read what I wrote. I believe I already explained that attacks > by those for whom I have no respect do not cause me pain. I'm > actually giving you the benefit of the doubt here. If you > *did* actually believe what you say about me, you'd be > dangerously out of touch with reality. > > [ The crowd stopped listening at "My name is Judy," but > Judy never notices. She is totally into it, delivering her > poem with the manic fervor of Charles Bukowsky doing a > poetry reading while suffering from a serious case of crabs. > When she runs down and stops talking, she notices that Dan > is kinda playing "pocket pool" with himself instead of > giving her the undivided attention she deserves. She whacks > him upside the head, and gestures for him to read *his* poem. ] > > Dan: ** I'm just a simple boy from Harlem, NY. Your small- > minded parochial attitudes are evident with every word > that you type. One word spoken reveals the man's entire > way. Enjoy. I find you to be angry, sad and lacking > social behavior. Don't post to me with such disrespect. > Going from 'boat to boat' will not get the seeker to > the other shore. I repect what you could be, but not > much now. Devetas AND cake. Enjoy! If there's one thing > that M has taught, it's that each self creates experience. > I think that you want someone agree with you to share > your twisted pain. Thank you for confiming that you are > a sorry old man, worthless. My bowel movement is exquisite > when compared to your Personality. You can't change. That's > why you deserve each other's company so much. Memes are > responsible for the restlessness of posters? You are con- > flicted. When you get your posting limit restored, please > do not reply. You must be very lonely. You put nothing real > up, just noise. Too mcu noise, i'll respond to content. Two > paranoids for two. What's the chances? In your case i do > believe that beating the monkey with a stick may be approp- > riate. It is evident to me that you are incoherent. Robert. > I was in the WTC. You suck. Paranoid and potty-mouthed. You > have the developmental stage of a five year old. Please > advance before responding. You deserve your misery. Don't > think that visiting a message board will improve that. My > responses are the exact karma for you. I will continue to > deliver your karma to you... It's ugly, but 100% deserved. > I think I'll go take a shower now. > > [ Dan, carried away, begins to fondle his genitalia again. > Judy smacks him a good one upside the head, and Dan switches > to fondling the sore spot. ] > > Judy: That's it for now, but we'll be back to fuck up as > many of your celebrations as possible in the future. > > Dan: Yeah. Robert. Devatas AND cake. > > Judy [exasperated]: Dan, get it together. It's *definitely* > the genital cuff for you tonight! > > Dan: Enjoy! Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh. Robert. > > [ The happy couple leave, claw in claw, and the party > resumes. The ZZ Top guys launch into Gimme All Your > Lovin' and everyone dances. The bride and groom are > forgotten more quickly than roadkill after it goes > "Thump!" under your tires. Fade to gold. ] > > > ** Director's Commentary on the DVD version: "The following > 'prose poems' are made up of Dan and Judy's actual words, > culled from posts that they made to Fairfield Life over a > period of two weeks in June, 2008." >
