From: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com [mailto:fairfieldl...@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of seventhray1 Sent: Sunday, May 30, 2010 8:10 AM To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Acedia & Fairfield I have been following a thread at Buddha at the Gas Pump, but as nothing was posted here, I didn't want to comment. I do know his parents, or at least who they are. I did not want to register at the Fairfield Ledger, so if someone could post the full obituary, it would be appreciated.
Daniel seemed to post on Buddha at the Park periodically, and his posts seemed to be full of descriptions of higher consciousness type things. He has over 600 posts there. Can you tell me what happened, and how old he was? He took his own life. He was 25. It looked like he interacted some with Edg, so if Edg cared to offer any insight, that also would be appreciated. Here are some things Dan wrote, compiled by Edg: As I go through my conversation with Dan, I'm picking out the quotes that seem to pertain to loss and how to be benefitted by loss. (Each paragraph break starts another quote from another part of the conversation.) Dan's words: Also, the interesting thing is that fear can arise, and it's not a big deal. Fear is a perfectly safe feeling, and does not necessarily indicate any actual danger. On the most fundamental level, I cannot be hurt, and so there is an instinctual feeling of safety in there that cannot go away, even if fear (or pure terror) arises. So not only do those feelings arise less and less, but when they do they are safe, and can even be totally comfortable.... Perhaps each moment feels whole because it is. And THIS is what wholeness looks like right now. It can't look like anything else in this moment. One way of talking about Enlightenment is that it is simply the acceptance of What Is. I'm always surprised what I come up with too.... But it's important to recognize, I think, that the ego can try to shrink itself to remain individualized just as much as it can want to puff itself up. My ego definitely goes the "I'm not good enough" way, so I definitely know how it is. And it's truly AMAZING how deep that denial of infiniteness can go. "I'm so great" and "I'm not good enough" are two sides of the same coin. I think it was Byron Katie who said that true humility is recognizing how infinite and amazing you truly are for real. And that makes sense, because to really know that brings the utmost humbleness and appreciation... The sadness is simply your heart reaching it's edges and expanding to make more room. Let the sadness be there! Allowing the sadness, being with it, keeping it company and giving it the attention that it needs and deserves is the process by which the heart makes room for more everything! It's near impossible to see anything clearly that is being resisted, and the desire to "be done with it" is actually a subtle resistance to that process. That's one of the reasons why it's a very common response that Enlightenment does not give you anything. Because you have to accept the all the negativity that we want to have Enlightenment to avoid in the first place.... The reason those things hurt is because the resistance is still in there (Maharishi called it stress - which is a bodily manifestation of resistance). By feeling those resistances, those uncomfortable places until the whole situation resolves, then it's literally as if it was never there (except sometimes as a faint memory, like it happened to someone else). It's, again, like being okay with drowning so that one is no longer afraid of it. It doesn't help you get away from it, but it's way better than the stress of trying to avoid it.... I think if you let yourself cry forever and fall apart and never be okay again something wonderful will happen. That is my intuition, and it resonates with my being. Nothing will ever be the same again. In a very very good way. Just as long as the crying is the allowance of feeling the sadness and not an avoidance of it. It's the feeling that fixes it, not necessarily any particular response. That said, those responses, when natural are good an important. I hate to say it, but I think you just may be on the brink of something absolutely wonderful. Awareness, in it's real form is always gentle. But I use the word gentle to point out that it's not going "Change, Resistance! I order you to Change! Do IT! Release! Do it now or I'll kill you!" because this is obviously something that cannot be forced. But there can be that constant persistence, that constant pressure, just like a tight muscle that Awareness (which is gentle) can stay with until the whole thing unwinds, relaxes, and resolves.... Fortunately, Enlightenment is not a function of the personality, Also, we are all here in this Creation like children playing in giant sandbox. What if the child makes a mistake? Does it matter? What does that even mean in the context of playing in a sandbox. There's nowhere to go and nothing to do in terms of obligation, though there is everywhere to go and everything to do in terms of exploration and fun. So what does a mistake even mean in that context? Do I make mistakes? As much as a child playing in sandbox does I suppose....does it matter? I've found that it always feels that way until I've seen their perspective clearly. If I realized how much they were hurting, then I would understand how they did the best they could at the time, and why they did what they did. I think that there is a constant gift of grace being given, and it's only about how much openness we can have to receive it. And so there can be, eventually a habit of that way of functioning (once we know who we are) so that there is more and more embracing of the ever present grace all the time. It will always fill us until we are full though, no matter how big our container gets, and then overflow. In terms of the no-big-dealness. It's not in a stale, dry way, but there's an aspect to that. It's a little bit like going through life without having any arms. And then, one day, you realize you HAVE arms. Upon realizing that, you can start to use them, and, at first, it's the most amazing thing in the entire world. There are a bajillion (technical term) things that one can do and have and appreciate with arms that they couldn't without them! It's the most amazing end all be all whole new world experience! But, after enough time with arms, we start to accept that that's just the way life is, and we accept it and go on to live our life - with arms. I have never been armless as far as I know, but I do deeply appreciate my arms and love them deeply, but I also accept that I have them and they are really not going anywhere. The more acceptance that there is of that simple fact, the more I can get past the fact that I have arms themselves (which really IS amazing) and really start using the arms, which is what they are made for. If I am overwhelmed and dazzled by having arms is going to spend a lot of time just looking at them and moving them, and less time actually letting them assist me, which is their purpose in the first place! So, I can really appreciate having arms (as I do), but, with the no big dealness, comes the ability to say, learn how to play guitar. Which can only happen once one has really gotten over the fact of having them and can really start to use them. This is, in many ways, a perfect analogy, to me, about any spiritual experience, including ones of God/the Infinite. The acceptance of them fully brings about the acceptance that they are simply a part of life, and then they can really serve us the way were meant to. It's nice when it's flashy and all, but integrating it is even better! Edg: A carrot drops, two hunks of coal fall off, a few pebbles de-grin themselves, a scarf flutters away, and one is reduced to a top hat on a pile of slush. Frosty's fate! How can you talk a snowman into loving the sun? Dan: Well, then he finally gets to relax! Nothing sounds more wonderful to me than melting in the sun... It's not that you die. It's there you simply realize that you never was. Of course, all this is a story for me to express my appreciation of this process. And my story that it's all just a story is, of course, just a story. And so no need to take anything of these things too seriously.... The point of Enlightenment is not the relative experience that it creates, but the realization that the relative experience (although it does get significantly more enjoyable) is more and more completely BESIDES the point. There is no time in relative life that is not a good time to realize that. I like the analogy a friend used: going to Enlightenment is like getting on a train to go there and expecting to get off at the Enlightenment stop. What happens, in reality, is that, when you get there, the whole train disappears with you in it, leaving ONLY the train station (and all the stops on the way, etc.).... There are no rules and really no hurry. And, at the end of the day, there's really only one path, and that's your path. Whatever your path happens to be. It's the only one. :)
