Ha...that is funny - thank you. I have to play that for my 18 year old! I was
thinking on July 4th that only in America would I have the opportunity to fully
burn out with a career as a woman, homeowner, collecting unemployment, going
back to school, single mother of two mixed children who have had all the
advantages, one of which is on her way to college.
--- On Fri, 7/8/11, seventhray1 <steve.sun...@sbcglobal.net> wrote:
From: seventhray1 <steve.sun...@sbcglobal.net>
Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Sai Baba's Legacy: Death Threats & Scandal
To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, July 8, 2011, 8:38 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Denise Evans <dmevans365@...> wrote:
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> I took some time off to stop reacting, start cleaning out my house after
> years of letting things pile up, mow the lawn for the first time, and revel
> in the joy of silence of not having my teenagers over the July 4th weekend. Â
> I can say today that I am grateful for the opportunity to be received by Amma
> and experience what I did at the Amma event. Â In trying to make sense of it
> all and put it in some objective context, I have spent hours online (in part,
> educating myself in the cursory fashion that the internet facilitates so
> well) on Hinduism, the "guru tradition", and various individual gurus. I have
> spent hours reading posts elucidating a vast range in experiences. Yes, my
> fear base  and  "trust issues" were triggered, which you picked up
> on.  Yes, this experience has reinforced certain beliefs that I already
> had, but was questioning.
> However, today, I simply cannot judge or choose to negate anyone's experience
> or path...it is certainly not my place and I am most certainly not qualified.
> I have spent my entire life believing that I was not qualified to live my
> life and did not deserve to be here. Â I want relief. Â I think that
> basically....given what I was told prior to attending the Amma visit, I set
> up internal and high expectations that were, of course, not met. Â
> I am in "recovery" on all levels since being laid off in January (by the
> grace of God)...my stress level was so high that I can't even articulate the
> despair and desperation, physical, mental and emotional exhaustion I was
> experiencing. After 6 months off, I am just starting to be able to function
> again - every month, another layer of stress exfoliates and beacon of light
> shines through.
> I am coming out of 18 years of working like a dog for corporate america,
> raising my kids (the last five being the teenage years - it's lucky we fall
> madly in love when they are born and little), realizing as I spiraled into
> deep depression and pain on all levels, that I have to completely change my
> way of living and relating to the world and myself.Â
> Yes, I went to Amma praying for a miracle or two...desperately wanting to
> "feel" what unconditional love and compassion felt like on a personal level.
> Â Yes, I was "hit" with energy - or shakti, persay - it didn't feel personal.
> Â I felt betrayed to some extent by the whole production for many reasons
> I've already articulated, but in the end, I am glad I went and the primary
> lesson that was reiterated to me was that I am left with myself and my
> relationship to the world, the Universe, God. Â Establishing and claiming my
> identity and the right to "be" on this planet in this lifetime is hard for me.
> What I have realized (and this is not the first time) is that I was again
> searching outside myself for the answer - that I wanted relief and
> self-forgiveness from something or someone else who was more evolved than I -
> that I have never felt self-love or worthy, or complete in any fashion. Â I
> was raised by narcissists, began to "self-hate" at a very early age and have
> attempted to "escape" through a variety of ways my entire life.
> I hate the word "should"; I am tired of being told what and how to be. Â I
> don't want to follow anyone. Â I get to decide - that is my birthright. I am
> tired of reacting rebelliously in an effort to differentiate instead of with
> respect to self and others.
> I have decided that I cannot worry about how many more thousands of lifetimes
> I will be "condemned" to return to the planet to work through my karma, nor
> do I want to aspire to "transcending" or "enlightenment" or "preparing for
> the afterlife" as a primary goal, and in particular as defined by others. I
> want to love my life now and attain and maintain a state of gratitude. Â I
> want to feel a connected, peaceful, engaged part of life and revel in the joy
> of being human. Â
> "It's a short trip from cradle to the crypt." Â
> Ya see, Â perhaps I am integrating the experience despite myself and for
> myself. Â Tee Hee.
> Â Â Â
>
> --- On Mon, 7/4/11, Ravi Yogi raviyogi@... wrote:
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> From: Ravi Yogi raviyogi@...
> Subject: [FairfieldLife] Re: Sai Baba's Legacy: Death Threats & Scandal
> To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com
> Date: Monday, July 4, 2011, 1:04 AM
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> --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Denise Evans dmevans365@ wrote:
> >
> > It appears that almost without exception......the various guru
> > organizations devolve to authoritarian regimes in the end....regardless of
> > the "enlightenment" factor....guru's appear to all demonstrate that they
> > are human in the end.>
> > I realize the Amma followers believe she is "benign"....but full-on
> > devotees are different and exhibit many of the characteristics and detail
> > many of the experiences in the few accounts available of a "cult follower"
> > than "peripheral followers" "taking what they like and leaving the rest."
> >  I don't actually like that phrase particularly....it's important to
> > explore the whole picture.
> >Â
> You seem hellbent, in a great hurry on supporting yourself in this logical
> conclusion that you have come to that "Gurus" are trouble. I could see from
> your experiences that you could sense a certain Shakti around Amma. But you
> don't seem too eager to give it time to integrate, rather you feel
> threatened, you feel fearful that there's a possibility that you can be taken
> advantage of, that you can be exposed, you feel you can be harmed.
> I don't think I disagree that a Guru is human, but then they are not ordinary
> humans either. They certainly seem to possess that extra something that
> normal everyday Joe's seem to lack.
> There is something different, some charm, some shakti, charisma, power and
> it's natural to get threatened by it. But eventually one realizes, I
> realized, the source of their love, charisma, shakti, that source which is
> within you - which the "real" Guru helps you to reach, by being a mirror, by
> being present, totally present.
> Also there are no "peripheral followers", just because I took what I like and
> left the rest. I was not even a follower, who is there to follow whom, all
> paths lead to oneself.
> I would use the word seeker - "cultish seeker" and "intelligent seeker".
> A cultish seeker is just looking for a substitute, someone to hand over power
> to. They are looking to be an easy fit in to an organizational structure.
> They forget to use their power of discrimination to separate the outer
> trappings from the inner, get caught up in power. They just want to fit in
> and are more than eager to ape everything they see.
> The intelligent seekers on the other hand are in no hurry, they are not sure,
> they are a little uncertain even, not in a big rush to dive in. They give
> time to absorb, integrate, they use their powers of discrimination to choose
> what suits to their "individual" needs. They realize that the "real" Guru is
> dealing with the individuals not a mob. Sure in the interests of including
> everyone it might appear so, that there are rules, ten commandments but the
> intelligent seekers discerns and discriminates.
>
