On another forum, I am watching a bunch of folks who have never really entertained any serious doubts about their teacher, his enlightenment, and his important role in the cosmic significance of the universe encounter former students of the same teacher who have entertained all of these doubts. This can be an unsettling experience. I can almost hear some of them thinking, because I've seen similar thoughts put into words on so many forums where this same meeting of minds has taken place: "How can these guys possibly doubt what is so obviously Truth to me? What is WRONG with them to be able to do that?"
So what I'm wondering in this cafe today is where these thoughts *came from*. Were the people in question born with them, or did they learn to think that way? If the latter, did they learn this way of thinking directly from the teacher they have never been able to even *imagine* having doubts about? And if so, was that because of anything the teacher ever *said* directly, or just in the way he carried himself? I think that a lot of this 'tude is conveyed wordlessly, in the way in which a spiritual teacher "carries himself." I think that this mindset of complete certainty on the part of the students comes from the teacher; *he* is completely certain. He believes his own stories not only to be true, but Truth. There is a powerful charisma in being that certain about one's own stories. Other people can feel your own certainty and, living as they do in a world of uncertainty, they are attracted to the teacher's certainty and wonder how they could get some of it for themselves. The teacher seems to never exhibit any doubts or disbelief in his own stories. He is in a very real sense "centered in his own I-am-RIGHTness." Such teachers often can't even *conceive of* being wrong; if they had the idea or performed the action, it was right. The thing is, is it? It's all well and good to commend someone's belief in their own essential RIGHTness 24/7, but what if they're...uh...uh...WRONG? What if they're not really as fully enlightened as they think they are? What if they were...uh...mistaken about that? What if they were equally mistaken about the things they taught being the "highest path?" What if they did a few things while pursuing that path that negatively impacted the lives of others? At this point, is the "good student's" tenacious lack of doubt in everything that the teacher said or did being right...uh...right? Or is it merely a reflection of the stories that the teacher told about himself, stories that might -- if the above paragraph were true -- be based in untruth, and possibly self delusion? I see a value in doubt. My definition of doubt (at least in this particular cafe, at this particular moment) is the process of Stepping Away From The Certainty. I like to (nay, get off on) trying to suss out the underlying unchallenged assumptions that I take for granted when believing the things that I believe, and then challenging them. It's almost like a home-grown Byron Katie thang; I ask myself, "Self, what if this assumption I've been making is not true? What would *my* story, based on the belief this assumption is true, look like if it weren't?" I guess I'm more centered in the I-Am-Simply-Not-In-The-Position-Of-Being-Able-To-Assume-My-Own-RIGHTness mindset. Such a mindset doth not seem to have the same charisma factor as its opposite, the sense of I-Am-RIGHTness. No one is ever likely to glom onto me and follow me as any kind of spiritual teacher, because I don't offer them anything to be certain about. And that leads me to the subject of my next cafe rap...
