Dear Khazana, It is not possible for you to understand any of this. You have your fixed point of view--and you don't even know how all this (my past, me, what has happened) can been seen in a different way. You are not capable of a form of sophistication and complexity of apprehension that would even begin to do justice to what happened in those Ten Years.
You don't have any feeling for the person that I am at all, and if reading the first 93 pages of CULT has led to your present impression of me, then the book is worse than I thought. But no one can do anything to make you see things in a different light--You must be right in how you see reality and me. There is nothing I can do to change this; so you can just have the satisfaction of knowing that anyone (like authfriend or raunchy or Ann or those who know and love me in my present life) who disagrees with you must be wrong. Because this is how you will always feel. Nothing can penetrate this, Khazana. So I will accept that your judgment about me is what it will be--and that anyone who sees me very differently from you (persons who have known me for 35 years)--they are deceived, and you have the correct perception. It is not necessarily that you are at fault here; but your understanding is being determined in a particular way which will brook no compromise or modification. You are dead wrong in some vital respects concerning me; but you are carrying out a good deed in the eyes of those who would view me as you do. In that regard, you are preserving a view of myself which is out there. But if there is anyone who has got a certain immovable and unchangeable view of myself, it is you--way beyond Bill Howell and Lord Knows (who will be delighted at your obstinacy and implacability). I am sorry you so misunderstand me, Khazana, but that is our destiny. Of course I am only telling you what I think, how I feel. But the system you are employing to understand me, that is a closed system and is not subject to being influenced by anything--including the truth. You will see things quite differently than this of course. You a very simple-minded fellow, Khazana. But who knows? I am not God. Perhaps he sees things exactly as you do. But in that case I will have to tell Him he is wrong. :-) You have a fatal condition of fixed context of apprehension. It is, I believe, entirely innocent. You are doing your best--that will have to be enough for me. But we have nothing to say to each other. Which is disappointing to me. Robin --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, khazana108 <no_reply@...> wrote: > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "authfriend" <authfriend@> wrote: > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, khazana108 <no_reply@> wrote: > > > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "Robin Carlsen" <maskedzebra@> > > > wrote: > > > > > > <snip> > > > > > > > > Starbucks invitation still stands. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Look, I wouldn't mind if it was close by. But I think that > > > > > > > you should have understanding if people who have been hurt > > > > > > > by you in the past, resist meeting you. In this case, > > > > > > > challenging them, or putting any kind of psychological > > > > > > > pressure on them would surely be detrimental to your > > > > > > > purpose. > > > > > > > > [I wrote:] > > > > > > He's done neither. It's an invitation, an offer, to anyone > > > > > > who genuinely wants to know whether he has changed. > > > > > > > > > > Yet, he posted it in the form of a challenge, and that is > > > > > very inappropriate. > > > > > > > > Not true, khazana: if I posed it as a challenge I would > > > > disprove my very assertion. I do not challenge anyone these > > > > days. You have seriously misread my first letter to Bill > > > > Howell. > > > > > > Maybe, Robin, but then, if I misread it, that is to say, if > > > I misunderstood your intentions, so may have done others who > > > are actually concerned. > > > > That does not follow. Your command of English is faulty, > > and you have enormous hostility toward Robin, so you're > > prone to misunderstand him in a way that supports your own > > pre/misconceptions. > > > > > I am just saying that I don't understand this move of you, > > > trying to 'prove' something (that you have changed). Why not > > > just own up to all of them, and let them have their > > > judgments, no matter what they where? It is, as if you can't > > > accept these judgments, that is why you have to prove to > > > them that you are different now. > > > > Perfect example of what I just described. > > > > Howell, "Brahmi," and Lord Knows have claimed he has not > > changed. Why would Robin "own up" to what they claim if > > he believes he *has* changed? Why would he accept what > > he feels is an incorrect judgment? > > Wait, wait, you get it wrong. He offered this AFTER starting to read CULT, > and being dissatisfied with the way he was portrayed there. CULT is only > about his past, and being dissatisfied with the perception of his > ex-followers about these past proceedings, he made this offer. I don't call > that owning up to it. > > > It's entirely appropriate for him to *offer* to prove > > he has changed to anyone who doubts it. > > And it is just as appropriate for them to say: Sorry, we are not interested, > you stole us a major part of our adult life, it took us years to get out, we > need not invest more time. > > > And he has said *dozens* of times that he accepts the > > judgments of him from 25 years ago, so that was never in > > any kind of dispute. > > No, He didn't. Ask him yourself, or best read his posts, where he states that > he doesn't recognize himself in the book, and that this is not the truth > about him. For me that mean that he is in DENIAL. And he still wants to > influence them by 'proving' to them how much he has changed. > > > Moreover, his own judgment of > > himself has been more severe than anyone else's. > > So you believe. Other's seem to think different. > > > > > Lord Knows had no fear of me--even ten years ago. He wanted > > > > to meet with me. I was not ready to meet with anyone at > > > > that time. He did not come for our scheduled visit in > > > > September not because he was afraid of me, but (I believe) > > > > because he disapproved of me, and was offended that I did > > > > not agree to the conditions which he set for our time > > > > together. > > > > > > > > I think he thought me unworthy of his company. > > > > > > I have no idea of course. I would say, whatever you meet > > > now, in the form of Lord Knows and others, is your karma. > > > Why not just accept it as it is? Why not just say: I am > > > sorry, i was wrong all along. > > > > What the *freak* is wrong with you, khazana? If he's said > > once that he was wrong 25 years ago, he's said it literally > > dozens of times. Again, that has never been in dispute. > > > Then what he wants the f*ck to prove? Why keep haunting these poor people? >
