--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Michael Jackson wrote: > > I know there are a lot of people on FFL who dislike you Turq, > but I love your writing - if one day I can write as well as you > I will have achieved something great.
Well, if you liked this rap, know that you inspired it. I read your post over coffee on my balcony this morning, got to your line " heppin' the rest of us ignorant folks out," and laughed. Fortunately, I was not actually drinking the coffee at the time, or the laugh might have turned into the need for a new keyboard. What it turned into instead was this rap. Once I started it just flowed out. WYSIWYG, no edits. Just write, then push Send. Sometimes that's a mistake, but in my experience if you're laughing as you write it, you're usually pretty safe in just going for it. Those who get it will laugh, too. Those who don't have bigger and more important things to do, like getting that stick out of where it don't belong. :-) > ________________________________ > From: turquoiseb no_re...@yahoogroups.com > To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com > Sent: Thursday, August 15, 2013 3:01 AM > Subject: [FairfieldLife] The Prerequisites for Enlightenment > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, Michael Jackson mjackson74@ wrote: > > > > Given the definition given by the Big M for enlightenment > > and all the glorious things that the enlightened are and > > can do, you would think these TM enlightened would be > > doing marvelous things in the world, especially in the > > area of saving the rest of us from ignorance. I eagerly > > await their coming out and heppin' the rest of us > > ignorant folks out. > > Michael, I think your understanding in this vitally important area is flawed by an improper understanding of the relationship between the enlightened and the...uh...not so much. > > The "real story" of why so many have failed to become enlightened themselves as a result of the beneficence of the enlightened is much like a section I have to create often when doing tech writing. The unenlightened have failed to become All That They Could Be because they didn't RTFM, or skipped over the Prerequisites section. > > In the Prerequisites section of technical documentation, one lists all of the things one has to have in place or have done before installing/using the new-fangled software or hardware that the manual is about. Like, before installing and running a Java-based program > on your computer, there is a prerequisite that you have to have installed Java first, and that it has to be functional and capable of launching a JVM (Java Virtual Machine) for the new-fangled program to run in. Not to mention...uh...*having* a computer in the first place, and turning it on using the little red switch. > > These are all *prerequisites* that must be met before the new-fangled program will work, and transform your life into the wonderland that our marketing and sales reps told you it would become if you just bought our product. > > The User's Manual for Enlightenment is notoriously badly written, when you can find it at all, and contains many Class-A bugs that have never been addressed, even though the software of enlightenment is now up to Release 3,784.256.11. In *all* of those releases, the > shitty tech writers have failed to write a Prerequisites section. For your edification, and that of other hapless seekers, I shall seek to rectify that situation now: > > > PREREQUISITES FOR BEING HEPPED' TO BE ENLIGHTENED > BY SOMEONE WHO IS ALREADY ENLIGHTENED > > * You need to be somewhat alive, and sentient. To date, very few of the enlightened have ever been able to hep a rock or an amoeba to become enlightened. > > * You need to be OPEN to being enlightened. This is usually demonstrated by being willing to pay those who claim to be able to hep you great deals of money. > > * You must accept without question that the person you have just paid to enlighten you is enlightened themselves. THIS IS CRITICAL. Failure to follow this prerequisite may result in not only a failed installation of the enlightenment software, but in a series of nasty tantrums thrown by the enlightened person. Be warned. > > * When the enlightened person tells you what is WRONG with you that makes you so unenlightened, and thus SO not like them, you should agree with them quickly and publicly. Failure to admit that 1) you have a problem, 2) that the enlightened person, being...uh...enlightened and all, is more capable of seeing this problem than you are, and 3) they can FIX your problem if you just pay them enough attention and money may result again in improper installation of the enlightenmentware, not to mention more tantrums. > > * Never, never, NEVER ask the enlightened person who is benevolently sharing their valuable time and energy to hep you become so like them WHY you'd want to do so. This is a demonstration of having failed to accept the base conditions that allow an enlightened person to make a living without having to work. Bad juju. Don't even *think* of asking WHY you'd want to become so like them. Doubts are BAD. Just *accept* the basic premise that they're better than you are, and put your energy into becoming more like them. > > * Similarly, never never NEVER ask the enlightened person to walk their enlightenment talk. For example, if they've said that the enlightened are beyond petty things like anger and jealousy and spite, never never NEVER point out to them that they've been acting that way themselves on a regular basis. Doing this might result in the enlightened person writing you off as a lost cause, and you missing out on the enlightenment boat forever. > > * When the enlightened person tells you to do something, well, like the Nike commercials say, JUST DO IT. Don't ask questions, just do what you've been fuckin' told to do. That's what the enlightened *expect* of you, and Not Meeting Their Expectations has been identified as the #1 cause of failure to become enlightened like they are. > > I could go on, but I'm sure you get the picture. It's NOT that the enlightened have failed in any way because so few of their students have become enlightened themselves. Not, not, NOT. It's the students' fault, because they never read the Prerequisites section. > > Now you have. Go forth and select an enlightened person to hep you, and good luck becoming as cool as they are. When you have, then you can go forth and multiply, and hep others the way they have hepped you. >
