http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqyXjjbsOos <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqyXjjbsOos>
--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com <mailto:FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com> , "emilymae.reyn" wrote: > > Hi Xeno, thanks for sharing....Re: this...."Then all hell broke loose. A vast amount of repressed material rose up and flowed out of me. A total surprise. So clearly the awakening was not a clean slate. It was ultra intense, say twenty times more intense than anything I had experienced up to then. And the experience was truly unusual because while my regular life flowed along, there was this other stuff that I knew was not real, but it felt so real it was impossible to not act on it." > > Something akin to this happened to me once.....except that I thought it was real. Smile. Keep 'em coming Xeno..... > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com <mailto:FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com> , "Xenophaneros Anartaxius" anartaxius@ wrote: > > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com <mailto:FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com> , turquoiseb wrote: > > > --- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com <mailto:FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com> , "Xenophaneros Anartaxius" > > anartaxius@ wrote: > > > > > > I experimented and researched. But eventually it was kind > > > > of full circle, I ended up reading about things that > > > > initially propelled me on the journey, and found answers > > > > to questions I could not find easily within the TM org > > > > and TM teachers. > > > > > > > > What propelled the restoration of interest in all this was > > > > a sudden unexpected shift in experience. Everything I had > > > > thought had failed, proved in retrospect to have been > > > > useful, but to have had more specific information at > > > > specific times in my life would possibly have made the > > > > process more efficient. > > > > > > I'm not convinced that would be true. "Information" that > > > told you what an experience "meant" would have been just > > > one more bit of misinformation, after all. The experience > > > was what it was -- nothing more, and nothing less. > > > > > > I was thinking along the lines of not what a description of an > > experience means but how a description helps one navigate an experience. > > Obviously, if I have the thought that things might have been 'better' if > > I had had more useful information at the time, this thought is not going > > to apply to me now, but it might be useful to someone else later on, so > > they do not get quite so stuck. Not so much what this means, but what do > > I do, if anything, when such and such happens, and I do not understand > > what is happening? Certain traditional hand-me-downs do become useful, > > such as what a screw is, and what a screwdriver is, and how to use them > > in what circumstance, and how these items relate to sticking things > > together. > > > > After what I would call a very clear but subdued awakening experience > > some years ago, things were pretty nice for several years. There was > > something about this particular experience, unlike others I had had long > > ago, that I could not grasp in any way. Even the attempt to talk about > > it stymied me. Then all hell broke loose. A vast amount of repressed > > material rose up and flowed out of me. A total surprise. So clearly the > > awakening was not a clean slate. It was ultra intense, say twenty times > > more intense than anything I had experienced up to then. And the > > experience was truly unusual because while my regular life flowed along, > > there was this other stuff that I knew was not real, but it felt so real > > it was impossible to not act on it. It was like my mind was split in two > > with two parallel lives running simultaneously, one the present and the > > other thoughts, feelings, behaviours from long ago. I had no clue what > > was happening. > > > > If I had asked a TM teacher what was happening they probably would have > > said I was 'just unstressing, that I should take it easy and maybe get > > my meditation checked or something'. No really useful information or > > guidelines that apply directly. Extreme experiences like this seem to be > > swept under the rug by TM teachers, anything not in the template. I > > suspect they do not really have any training to handle them. I found a > > solution in what I was reading. It seems that after a clear awakening, > > one's ability to keep repressed material repressed simply falls apart. > > The can of worms is open, and if something triggers the experience, you > > cannot close it, and the experience really does seem like you are coming > > apart at the seams. All you can do is endure it. Nothing helps. It is as > > if finally there is enough room in your world to experience this. The > > intellectual knowledge that this is common, that others experienced it, > > and that it is super intense, and that you have to go through it because > > there is no way to back out, is really useful. Kind of like the > > emotional equivalent of childbirth as far as pain. That information, > > along with the stability conferred by awakening allowed me to get > > through it, just barely. Without that information I would have been a > > lot more confused, and perhaps would have done things even more stupid > > than had occurred to me to attempt at the time. Half of my time during > > this was acting on a mental delusion caused by the release. Finally it > > subsided after a few years. It was a strangely miserable/wonderful > > several years. After that my sense of stability was much, much greater, > > and the character of the experience that I had had before this happened > > was much clearer. Maybe it will happen again. I simply do not know. > > > > The result now I would not call bliss, but a sense of profound evenness > > that has been stable for some time. I have no illusions that this > > evenness will never be disrupted again. But it has been pretty nice. > > > > An example of evenness occurred a couple of days ago. I was preparing > > breakfast. I had put a small amount of oil in a frying pan. Then while > > it heated up, I sat down at the table and started to read the following > > comic (courtesy of Randall Monroe at xkcd.com): > > > > [xkcd comic: Questions] > > > > I found this comic hilarious, but because it was so dense, I just kept > > reading. After an interval, the smoke detector in the home began to > > screech. The kitchen was full of smoke which was billowing out of the > > pan. Another family member ran about in something of a panic, opening > > doors, turning on fans and advising me not to try to cool the pan with > > water because it would splatter, although the kitchen sink is stainless > > steel, and turning the pan over in the sink, the hot oil would not > > damage the sink, and I could gradually cool the pan down using water so > > the oil would stop smoking. The whole process was just like taking a > > book off the shelf or taking a walk. I did things, but no turmoil at > > all. That does not mean some other situation will not press some > > unsuspected button. > > > > Now this might bring up the question how could a supposedly awakened guy > > let something so stupid happen? This is the cure for the myth that when > > awakened one is some kind of all seeing eye probing into the depths of > > creation and beyond, knowing everything that happening about. Awakening > > is a transition, but a very odd sort of transition, because when one > > clearly crosses the threshold, nothing is different from before one > > crosses the threshold. This takes a bit of getting used to. It is like > > the ultimate magic trick. All through 'being on the path' one has this > > expectation that 'enlightenment' is going to be some kind of superduper > > experience lasting indefinitely throughout all time, and that > > expectation is totally wrong, for what was really being sought was there > > all the time; ordinary every day experience is all there is, and all > > that happened was the delusion things were going to be different from > > this finally ran out of gas. > > > > Depending on your background, there might be several ways one could > > verbalise this experience; what I said here is just one way. Take this > > sample: 'But as many as received him, to them gave he the right to > > become children of God, even to them that believe on his name, who were > > born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of > > man, but of God'. Now that seems like a wholly different sort of > > experience from what I am saying here, but whoever wrote that in the > > late first century CE is talking about this enlightenment thing from a > > very different verbal perspective, a different culture that had a very > > different understanding of the world. But he had to express this > > experience according to the prevailing understanding. > > > > What really proved valuable in all this was that massive release those > > few years back. Having this very clear experience for some time and > > having 99% of it vanish in a second enabled me to experience how the > > delusion of identification with thought arises, but there is no way to > > control or manipulate the process. It is very much like magic. One is > > either caught in a thought, or free of it. When caught, the description > > that is the thought, is what is perceived as reality, and when not > > caught, everything silently together is the reality, and thoughts are > > like background noise. So idiotically simple. This is what it means to > > see that the nature of thought is hypothetical, is always largely an > > opinion. As that old Zen master said, all you have to do is get rid of > > your opinions, but it took me nearly a half century to get to the point > > where I could experience that with reasonable clarity, because it is not > > a matter of pretending not to have opinions, or of appraising this > > matter intellectually, it is a matter of experiencing directly that all > > your thought is a pile of crap that has been mercilessly dragging you > > around for most of your life. > > >
