It took me a minute too. Personally I prefer the second paragraph :)
On 07/04/2012 17:26, Nat Russo wrote:
It took me a minute to catch the PoV shift you spoke about, but I
think I see it now. Presenting the 50+ guards before John reacts
seems to be a shift from John's point of view to some sort of
omniscient point of view.
There were definitely a few things about that first example that just
bothered me, another of which is suspense, even if only for a moment.
Having him swear in reaction before presenting what he's reacting to
seems to increase tension a little bit, at least in this case.
Thanks again for you willingness to answer all of my newbie questions :)
Regards,
Nat
On Sat, Apr 7, 2012 at 2:52 AM, Raymond E. Feist
<[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>> wrote:
On Apr 6, 2012, at 12:11 PM, Nat Russo wrote:
> Hi Ray,
>
> I'm still merrily revising my first draft (ok...sometimes
not-so-merrily). I noticed something in my writing that I wanted
to ask you about, and it deals with the subject of cause and
effect. Paraphrasing a book on writing that I recently read, the
author suggested you should *never* reverse the two, as this could
cause some confusion in the reader. I hate words like "always"
and "never" when it comes to stuff like this, though.
>
> Here's a brief example of effect following cause, as the author
of the book I alluded to above would do it.
>
> ---Effect following Cause---
> "Bells began to ring throughout the city, indicating the alarm
had been raised. John knew he wouldn't be alone for long. As he
rounded the corner he got his first glimpse of the docks to the
south. At least fifty guards lined the street between him and his
destination. There would be no way to break through their line.
> John swore."
> ---------------------
>
> Yeah, that works and everything. You see the cause [oh crap
there's a bunch of guards] before the effect [John swears]. But I
find myself preferring the following in this situation:
>
> --Cause following Effect--
> "Bells began to ring throughout the city, indicating the alarm
had been raised. John knew he wouldn't be alone for long. As he
rounded the corner he got his first glimpse of the docks to the south.
> John swore.
> At least fifty guards lined the street between him and his
destination. There would be no way to break through their line."
> ---------------------
>
> The latter version seems more...I don't know...cinematic? You
see John swear [the effect] a moment before you know why [the
cause], but this doesn't seem jarring to my ear. In fact, it
reminds me of the countless times I've seen such a sequence in
action/suspense films. (But maybe that's the problem? It's cliche?)
>
> I'm just curious about your take on this. Is this a situation
of "whatever sounds best to you", or a "for the love of God, man,
never do that!"...or somewhere in between?
>
> Thanks,
> Nat
>
> --
> Sent from my Crappy Laptop (tm) using a poor excuse for a web
browser.
>
Trust your gut.
The first is flawed, because you've lost your point-of-view. Your
character's point-of-view correctly views the causality.
EVERYTHING must serve the reader. Break rules to make it serve if
you need to.
Best, R.E.F.
----
www.crydee.com <http://www.crydee.com>
Never attribute to malice what can satisfactorily be explained
away by stupidity.
--
Sent from my Crappy Laptop (tm) using a poor excuse for a web browser.
