RE: Loki is at rest

[Hideyo Yamamoto]

Dear Steve.  I am so very sorry – I can’t stop crying reading your email, and thinking of Loki.  It’s just way too difficult to deal with,  too painful to live with. I wish I could find better words to make you feel better.  But I will be morning with you, Steve.  Please know though, Loki’s soul is still there, right besides you.    -----Original Message----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Steve Williams Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2005 1:52 PM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Loki is at rest   My last little love is gone.  I had to put him to sleep late yesterday.   For the past two weeks, my every waking moment and thought has been for and about Loki. I did put him on Prednisone a week ago and it initial seemed to help, but very quickly it was as before.  I then called the vet and we doubled his dosage.  Once again, it initially seemed to help--though he seemed "drugged" this time--then quickly faded to his former uncomfortable state.  At no time, did the Pred noticeably shrink the large tumor impeding his little lungs.   I had been letting him outside to wander in the tall spring grass (weeds) all around the house.  He loved it and it was a great distraction and wonderful sensory stimulation for him.  If Loki did not have these wonderful days, I may have PTS sooner, as the nights were uncomfortable for him--he could no longer lay on his side and his lungs were pumping hard all the time.   Yesterday, too many changes took place: He was not enjoying the out-of-doors like he had been, I did not see him drink water or eat his dry food, he didn't want to bend down to eat his chicken baby food treat (had to hold it up for him), and for the first time, he had a slightly open mouth.  At most other times during the day, he was lying or sitting with labored breathing and looking very tired.  I felt it was the right time to stop subjecting Loki's system to new measures, so I made the agonizing decision.   My 10 month, 10 day old Loki went peacefully and quickly and is now buried next to his sister under "their" oak tree.   My beautiful brown/dark gray tiger kitty had a special personality, quite different, but just as wonderful as his orange tabby sister Leeloo.  Both were chosen from the litter my sister and nieces were raising because their stars seemed to burn very bright.  These kittens--the smallest of the litter--had unusually beautiful little souls.  Loki also had a smell, as his sister did; not the perfume my girl kitty Leeloo had, but the smoky earthy scent of a boy kitty.  Perhaps like air smells during the first rain on dry soil.  One could say his scent tended a tiny bit toward chocolate and even cinnamon, like one lister noticed of her boy kitty.  I will miss him jumping up to lay at the back of my neck and bending around to rub his face against mine, purring all the while; coming to lay on his pillow at the side of my computer to be near me; and turning over to rub his back on the floor and to get his belly rubbed.   I will be morning his loss for a long time... I can't see a time when I will stop.  I know my pain will ease eventually and I know there will soon be a time that I will no longer be exhausted from crying.  I loved my little Loki like there was no tomorrow.   Steve