Hello everyone,
I'm so sad and I'm reaching out to you guys for comfort and ideas about what to do for my new charge, Starman. I know I've mentioned him to some of you already, (we were calling him Manix, because he has a nub of a tail).

The first time I saw him was a couple of months ago, eating at the feral dishes in my front yard. He's a big 'ol intact Tom, (we weighed him at the vet's last Friday and he's 16.8 pounds!). I have a fenced in habitat along the back side of my house. I used to keep the door open and food in there for anyone that wanted it. One day, about a month ago, Star wandered in there and I simply shut the door. It was the easiest "capture" I've ever experienced with a feral cat. I could tell he had had some association with humans because he was so vocal, but he was definitely hostile toward me and my animals. He spent most of the first two weeks hiding under the house.

I didn't feel comfortable bringing him in immediately for neutering because he had URI symptoms. I made an appointment with a very expensive vet that is incredible with handling feral cats. I had to wait for an appointment, and in the meantime, I did my best to show Star not all humans are to be feared. I took it slow and used all my love and knowledge to gain his trust. He's come such a long way! He now rubs against me and allows me to clean his eyes with cotton balls and saline solution, (his eyes are better, but they're still runny with clear rusty brown tears and the occasional yellow/green goo in the corners). His lungs still sound congested, but I haven't heard him cough, or sneeze in a few days. He's spry and active, he comes running to greet me when he hears me approaching the habitat now.

The poor little angel wants so desperately to be with me all the time.
He's discovered what it's like to be loved and he can't get enough
attention. My bedroom window is contained within the habitat and there
are climbing shelves that lead up to it. Star cries pitifully throughout the night and early morning hours, I don't think it's because
he wants to escape, he never trys to bolt the gate when I open it.  He
just wants me to come out and keep him company.  He's begun climbing the
shelving and scratching at my bedroom window.  The other night when I
opened it to pet and comfort him, he tried to bull his way past me into
the bedroom.  This was with a couple of dogs and cats on the bed beneath
the window at the time!  It broke my heart, but I couldn't let him in.
I still didn't know what was wrong with him and I can't jeopardize the
rest of my cats.

So far, he hasn't done as well with making friends with my other cats, (poor little man doesn't seem to ever have had a buddy, not human, not cat). He doesn't hiss, or strike at them through the fence, (my cats do plenty of hissing at him), but he's still "charging" the fence when he sees one of them looking in.

Last Friday we were finally able to get in to see the East/West vet that's so good with ferals. Oh, I was so proud of Star! He was scared to death with the experience, poor baby peed in his carrier. But he went completely limp and while covered head to toe in a towel, allowed the vet to draw his blood! I'm telling you there were tears in my eyes at the level of trust he's gotten to! After we brought him home he was even more affectionate with me.

Yesterday I got the results of his tests from the vet. He tested positive for FIV. I'm devastated. There go all my hopes of acclimating him to my household. I can't take the chance that he won't bite someone and spread his FIV and I can't release him for the same reason. I'm so sad. I don't know what to do for him. He's so lonely in the habitat, I can't keep him in there too much longer. Since he's still symptomatic, I'm not even sure I should schedule his surgery for neuter.

I'm going to take pictures and get his info out in the hopes that there's someone out there willing to give him a chance at the forever home he truly deserves. I'm doing my best to remain optimistic about his future, but I'm so darn disappointed. My mother and sister have both told me that I should pts "for his own good". I know there are plenty of people that believe the same thing, I'm just not one of them.

I appreciate you taking the time to read Star's story. Any ideas, thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I get so tired facing battle after battle. Nothing's ever easy. But maybe I'm just feeling discouraged right now. Maybe things will seem brighter soon.

Love to you guys,
Nina




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