helene, as odd as this will sound (like i'm not known for saying odd things, right?), talk to her..... explain to her that her friend's departure had nothing to do with her, that she doesn't have to try to take her friend's place in the family, that you love her as much as you ever did, and that you understand and share her sadness. yeah, i know, i know--but somehow, verbalizing things to our cats seems to really help: a communicator explained once that when we put things into words, that sends out the emotional content rather like images that the critters can pick up and interpret.
i don't know how or why it works, but i'm learned to talk to my cats about everything that's going on that will affect them--when i'm going out of town, when people are coming to visit, when there's a medical procedure/treatment upcoming. i've seen it work time after time--and it certainly can't hurt. (it seemed to have incredible results with cats who found themselves in the unfamiliar world of a shelter cage--letting them know that it was NOT their fault that they were there, that there were sweet and lovable cats.... made the biggest difference for those who ended up in shelters after the death or their caretaker, or when their humans ended up in nursing homes or places they really were unable to take them--knowing that it wasn't anything that they'd done seemed to help them a lot.)
some mourning cats like to have toys and blankies from their departed friends, others will steadfastly refuse to have anything to do with such reminders. creating new rituals of cuddle or play time works well for some; others will insist upon hiding out in places the other cat preferred. i try to follow their lead, making sure that they continue to eat and drink and don't go into a physical decline. (one of my cats reacted to the death of the family matriarch by staying upstairs for 9 months--she'd come downstairs to eat and use the boxes, but would immediately go back upstairs. if i carried her down, she'd go right back up, if you went up to visit her, she was friendly and would cuddle and socialize, she just didn't want to be downstairs!)
with cats as with people, everyone grieves differently--and nothing is "wrong" as long as basic health needs are being met.
MC
On 7/31/06, Helene Hand <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Thanks, Wendy and Marylyn....I know lots of love and time is the
best.........Helene
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] On Behalf Of wendy
Sent: Monday, July 31, 2006 10:53 AM
To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org
Subject: Re: depression
Hi Helene,
I haven't ever used Rescue Remedy or Feliway, but many people here think
they both work great to reduce stress. Time and your love will be what
heals Delilah. Here's to a speedy recovery for her heart.
:)
Wendy
--- Helene Hand < [EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> Any suggestions for Delilah, who is still so, so depressed-goes
> mourning through the house. Lots and lots of love is the most I can
> do.......... I was hoping someone has experience with rescue remedy
> drops (Bach) from the health food store- or just experience with this
> awful disruption in her life.
>
> Helen
>
> Do not stand at my grave and weep;
>
> I am not there; I do not sleep.
>
> I am a thousand winds that blow;
>
> I am the diamond glints on snow.
>
> I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
>
> I am the gentle autumn's rain.
>
> When you awake in the morning's hush
>
> I am the swift uplifting rush
>
> Of quiet birds in circled flight.
>
> I am the soft star that shines at night.
>
> Do not stand at my grave and cry.
>
> I am not there, I did not die.
>
> Anonymous
>
>
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