Marissa -- 
 
I know how bittersweet this next day will be for you.  Comfort vibes to you.
Slinky knows how very deeply he is loved.  How could he not when it shines
out of every word you write?  We will look forward to your Slink stories
when you are ready.
 
Diane R.

  _____  

From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Marissa Johnson
Sent: Monday, March 26, 2007 6:17 PM
To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org
Subject: Re: Slinky - Sad News


Nina (and EVERYONE!), thank you soooooo much!  It is so helpful to know that
those doubts are normal and that it won't be an indication that I made the
wrong decision.  I honestly don't know how I would get through this time
without all of you!
 
MC and Barb have been absolutely amazing chatting with me online and helping
me sort things out - thanks!
 
And all of you, your words of encouragement and support mean so much to me!

 
I know this is going to be near impossible and that it's going to hurt a
lot...but somehow I'll manage to get through it.  Thank you for sharing this
journey with me and for lending me your strength!
 
I've been telling Slink all about my other pets who are waiting for him at
the Rainbow Bridge... and telling him that I'm gonna help him get rid of his
tired weak body and feel wonderful again.  I hope he'll carry a piece of my
heart with me...and I know I'll have him in my heart forever.  
 
He'll always be my most precious kitty...the kitty of my heart.  I truly
don't think I understood the depths of love and responsibility I was capable
of feeling until he came into my life.  He has taught me SOOOO MUCH (which
I'll write more about someday) and I will cherish those lessons always.  I
can only hope I've been able to show him the same depth of love, acceptance,
and security he has shown me.
 
Thank you again for being here with me.  I've got less than 24 hours now to
be with my precious baby, so I'm going to make the most of it.  GLOW to you
and your babies!
 
MJ
 


Nina <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

Marissa,
I'm so sorry. My eyes filled with tears when I read your news this 
morning. I had such high hopes for a miracle for you and your Slinky 
boy. I know you haven't come to this decision lightly and that the only 
reason you would even consider this is to spare him any unnecessary 
suffering. MC has a quote that has given me comfort, something about it 
being better to let them go a day too soon than an hour too late. 

I have been on both sides of this terrible coin; waiting with hope only 
to have them suffer, and living afterward with the fear that I made the 
decision to help them cross too soon. No matter what we do in these 
circumstances we may be plagued by the possibility that we did the wrong 
thing, (the dreaded "what ifs"). I just wanted to let you know that I 
understand, and that I don't believe that it is possible to do "the 
wrong thing" when these hard decisions are made from our hearts. When 
we lose the hope of recovery, then letting them go is the last gift of 
love we can bestow on them. The last act of protection we can provide. 

I had such terrible regrets when I helped my Jazzy cross, but in the 
weeks that followed I found myself replacing my self-recriminations with 
acceptance. Even if I hadn't made the decision I did, she most likely 
would have been gone by then. Finally, I was able to forgive myself, 
not so much for the decisions I made, but for not being able to control 
the circumstances of our time together. I was able to forgive myself 
for not being able to save her. At least I can know that because I made 
the decision I did, when I did, her suffering was not prolonged. I know 
that she knows I will always love her, that I'm grateful for the time 
she graced my life and that no matter how many tears I shed, I will 
never be sorry I took her in. I can rest easier knowing that my sweet 
bottle baby, whom I had protected and nurtured from the time I became 
her surrogate mom, never had a moment of fear or want. Not even at the 
end of her all too short life.

I'm glad that you've made it possible to spend this time in Slinky's 
company. With how hard you've both fought, with all you and your family 
have done for your darling Slink, I'm praying that you will be spared 
the torture of any "what ifs". Hold that angel close and know that he 
has worked his way into all our hearts. 
Much love to you,
Nina

Marissa Johnson wrote:
> Thanks for that reminder Phaewryn. I've actually been able to 
> postpone tomorrow's meeting (my boss had asked if I wanted to this 
> morning because I've been sick, but like a dope I said I'd be 
> okay!...but I was able to call everyone and tell them we're postponing 
> it. I think it's for the best all the way around). So I've made the 
> appointment for tomorrow evening at 6:40 - the last appointment of the 
> day - and have found a friend to go with me.
> 
> I can't believe I'm doing this. It seems so...FINAL. And I guess it 
> is, but...wow. I know it's what's best but that doesn't make it any 
> easier.
> 
> Anyway, Slink and I have the rest of tonight and all of tomorrow to be 
> with each other. Thanks again for all your support!
> 
> MJ






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