I've shared the story of Tiger with you guys before. He was the little feral kitten that came to me too late. He was already suffering from malnutrition and close to death. I have always had pangs of guilt when I think about what I put that sweet little soul though trying to save him from his fate. He too was a fighter, he too wanted to live, but his body was just too far gone The treatments I put him through made his last days even more difficult. I know that his trauma was balanced by his experiencing loving safety for the first time in his all too short life. Knowing that gives me the courage to continue to do the things I feel I have to do. I wish I was all knowing and all seeing, instead I'm simply human, doing the best I can. Doing the best I can to trust that I'll know what to do when the time comes. Thank you Belinda, on behalf of all of us, for your efforts to make the world a better place.
Much love, Nina
Belinda Sauro wrote:
Hi All,
I just wanted to clarify some of my posts, I know sometimes they seem less than tactful, even I see that sometimes after I post, and I do not mean to seem so untactful. But my main concern at the time is the welfare of the animal I'm posting about and trying to get across the importance of what I'm posting not the feelings of the caretaker. Of course I don't purposely try to hurt anyone's feelings, but I upon rereading some of my posts, can see where I may unintentionally make someone who is already in a worried, frustrated state feel hurt. So in my last post I'd like to add:
Nina, I know you are doing the best that you can, it's so hard when our pets are doing so poorly and we feel like we have tried everything. And we feel like we are torturing them, but if you honestly believe that Gypsy is not ready to give up, then you just have to buckle down and do whatever it takes to help her get through, and believe me it may be unplesant for both of you, but you have to keep the end goal in mind. On the other hand if you truly believe Gypsy has had enough and is ready to end this life here and move on to the next level, then you have to support that, and let her know as hard as it will be for you it is OK for her to move on. From what you have said, I think you are right and Gypsy is not ready to move on, and it will be a difficult road. And so I say this not to hurt any feelings but because it is a fact food, is a necessity and yes HL (fatty liver disease) is a big worry, and some kitties like Simon, have an extraodinary will to live and with almost everything against him (if you go by the statistics of kitties that have HL, not to mention FeLV+, and anemia), he pulled through, I would say it is a miracle in his case and I am just thrilled for him and Michelle!! But not all kitties will be so lucky, so when I said if Gypsy will tolerate the syringing, then go for it, but honestly a few tablespoons will not sustain her for very long, slowly increase the amount and times, slowly so it isn't too much for her very sick body to deal with, but do increase. And after feeding her, put food down (with Buddie when she wasn't eating, I would sit in front of her holding the bowl under her chin, she would eat a few bites and turn her head, I'd wait a few seconds and hold it there again, she eat a few more bites and turn her head, I'd do this until she would keep turning her head and not eat anymore. I'd wait 15 minutes and start over, it took 3 weeks of this to get her eating pretty normal again).
When Buddie had her cancer I made all kinds of deals with her, and for the most part stuck to them. When she wasn't eating I did syringe her and she absolutely hated it, I of course felt awful, but I knew without food and already sick cat was not going to make it. Fighting cancer is a big, hard battle and nutrition is a very important part of having the strength to continue fighting. So I told Buddie if she would eat on her own, I wouldn't have to syringe her. Believe it or not she started to eat a bit, as you said a teaspoon here and there, and for 3 weeks I slept in the living room and offered her food every 15 minutes, she would eat a few licks each time, and it took the full 3 weeks for her to regain her appetite, and there was 2 times in that 3 weeks when she didn't want to cooperate and I told her I would have to syringe her if she didn't eat because I was not going to sit and watch her starve to death when she obviously wasn't ready to go. On one occasion she started eating again, on the other I did syringe her apologising and telling her if she'd only eat I wouldn't have to do this. We made it through, I also at that time stopped her chemo (something I would NOT do if I had to do it over again, but at the time I blamed the chemo for making her so sick, it was obviously the cancer trying to live and fighting against the chemo that was making her so sick). Even after stopping the chemo we got a good almost year after. When it was obvious she wasn't recovering from her latest bout of infectio (we thought at the time), I had to decide to let her die starving to death, she hadn't eaten for about a week and was getting slightly jaundice, she was on Intravenous fluids infused through a pump that was running 24 hours a day and medications. Or I could try another tube, it was obvious she wasn't going to eat on her own I stayed up talking with her all night and let her know if she was ready to go she could, that I would be alright, but I had to try and give her this chance by trying the tube again. The tube got her through her first really sick spell and it was an experience she really loved and was a very bonding experience for us, She had it for about 3 months and really blossomed, put on weight and was doing alot of Buddie things. We got just over 5 months before she got really sick again. She did survive the surgery but went into cariacd arrest in recovery, they couldn't save her. Yes I was devasted but I had told her it was OK if she was ready to leave, and the autopsy reveiled the cancer had started spreading, it had completely taken over her bile ducts, that is why she wasn't recovering from this last episode she couldn't have, and we couldn't have know without exploratory surgery had we known it was needed. I truly feel Buddie knew her time was up and choose to go, and I am OK with that. I also asked her to let me know she was OK if she left, and two days after she passed I went into the kitchen to feed the cats, Mike was sound asleep. When I headed back to bed the exercise room light was on, it was not on when I got up. This was Buddies favorite room, I thnked her for leting me know and went to bed with a smile on my face.
My point is it is hard to know what to do, and when I stopped the chemo I felt guilty, but at the time I felt it was the right thing to do, later when Buddie was doing better, I thought about starting it again but she had been on pred for a few months and I thought it wouldn't be effective in hindsight I would do this differently , but I know that I did the best I could in my circumstances and so does Buddie.
Same with you and gypsy, I can say all I want but you are there, you know Gypsy, all I can do is give advice and support. I hope nobody her ever takes anything I say as being hurtful, it is never intended that way. You guys are the best group of people I have the pleasure of knowing.
