RE: Simon passed away

[Sue Feldbusch]

Soo sorry Michelle.  It breaks my heart to hear that Simon went.  You were a 
great mommy.

From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Reply-To: felvtalk@vlists.net
To: felvtalk@vlists.net
Subject: Simon passed away
Date: Sat, 5 Feb 2005 16:47:32 EST
I had given him 1/2 dose of the tranquilizer I had here about 3 hours
earlier, maybe more.  It was only supposed to last one hour, even at full 
dose.  I
think he was unconscious the whole time, though it was hard to tell because 
his
eyes were open but they can be under this tranquilizer.  About 1/2 hour 
ago,
while waiting for Gray to get home with more steroids, which I had decided 
to
try as a last resort since getting his blood test results from Thursday and
finding out that he likely was having an auto-immune response and killing 
his own
red blood cells.  he had already gotten large doses of steroids, but there
was a disagreement as to whether he should get 1/2 cc or 1 cc of depo and 
he had
gotten only 1/2.  So gray went and got another 1/2 cc from someone I know 
who
had it.  when he got back, Simon still seemed unconscious. I suggested I 
give
him the dep and then we turn him over. I gave him the depo shot sub-q. he 
did
not move, but a second later his stomach mildly convulsed twice and he
stopped breathing and was gone.

While gray was gone, after reading an email about this, I put my hands on
Simon and told him it was ok to go if he needed to. That was probably about 
10
minutes before he went.

It was very peaceful and fast, but also kind of shocking as I would have
thought he would have cried or had open-mouthed breathing before passing 
away, and
he did not.  I guess because he was tranquilized.  I do not see how a sub q
shot of steroids could have had any medical effect within a second or two, 
but
it is hard not to think that my poking him with the shot made him pass 
away,
as he did so immediately afterwards.  I was trying to help him, but I was
giving him more than the oncologist had recommended (I had done so a month 
ago
also, and figured if I had not disobeyed instructions then he would not 
have
rebounded) and it is hard not to feel it pushed him over the edge. Harder 
than
that, though, is the thought that the last thing I did before he died was 
stick
him with a needle.  And that he had not crashed until I took him to the vet 
on
Thursday, and crashed even more after his ordeal at the oncologist's on 
Friday.
Had I known he really was going to die, I would never have put him through
that. I had considered not going to the oncologist and just giving him 
steroids
at home, and wish that I had.  The oncologist had said there might be
something they could do, that maybe a transfusion would help him or he 
might have a
bleed that could be stopped, but all I did was torture him.  His leg is all
bruised from the vet on Thursday not being able to draw his blood, and I 
know he
fought catheterization for the transfusion we tried to give him so hard 
that he
needed to be given oxygen.  I will never forgive myself for that. If he is
somewhere, I hope that he forgives me.

Thank you for all your prayers and support. if you believe Simon still is
somewhere (I myself do not know), please pray that he is ok and happy.  I 
have
had a lot of cats, but he was possibly the most special.   We called him 
our
dog-cat, because he acted so much like a dog, but with a naughty cat's
naughtiness. I will miss him so much and can not believe he is gone.
Michelle