Michelle,
I so sorry for your loss.
Rest assured tho that he didn't even feel that last steriod shot....and you didn't "push him over the edge" ...it was truly a miracule that he lasted as long as he did...and I know deep inside that you know that. As for the last vet visit...Simon KNEW you were just trying to help...perhaps he struggled so as his way of telling you that he had had enough. You told him it was ok to go..I believe he was waiting for that...so he did. Many Native Americans believe that the animal spirit of a loved one does not go on to heaven, right away, but exists here on Earth in spirit with those who loved it until everyone passes on together.
Simon gave and knew to how to receive LOVE, he was and is unconditional love made flesh. Pure Love is the Creator Itself...the one who always was and always will be. Love comes only from the True Creator (God, Yawah..whatever name you want to give IT), and as part of this infinite Spirit, it can never be lessened or destroyed. Simon is still "out there" part of his spirit resides in you heart...on your soul. The reason it hurts so much is because when he left, he took a piece of your soul with him...the part you gave freely to him. Time will lessen the hurt, and brighten the good memories...and one one day...you'll be whole again. Til then, Talk to him when you are moved to...he can hear you.. and allow yourself to believe that the "phantom" head butts you feel in the middle of the night...and the fleeting glimses you catch of him around the house are real. Unconditional love knows no grudges...and understands all...He knows you!
loved
him so very much and only wanted to be with him...and he felt the same for you.
Thanks for sharing Simon with us.
Love,
T
[EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
[EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
I had given him 1/2 dose of the tranquilizer I had here about 3 hours
earlier, maybe more. It was only supposed to last one hour, even at full dose. I
think he was unconscious the whole time, though it was hard to tell because his
eyes were open but they can be under this tranquilizer. About 1/2 hour ago,
while waiting for Gray to get home with more steroids, which I had decided to
try as a last resort since getting his blood test results from Thursday and
finding out that he likely was having an auto-immune response and killing his own
red blood cells. he had already gotten large doses of steroids, but there
was a disagreement as to whether he should get 1/2 cc or 1 cc of depo and he had
gotten only 1/2. So gray went and got another 1/2 cc from someone I know who
had it. when he got back, Simon still seemed unconscious. I suggested I g! ive
him the dep and then we turn him over. I gave him the depo shot sub-q. he did
not move, but a second later his stomach mildly convulsed twice and he
stopped breathing and was gone.
While gray was gone, after reading an email about this, I put my hands on
Simon and told him it was ok to go if he needed to. That was probably about 10
minutes before he went.
It was very peaceful and fast, but also kind of shocking as I would have
thought he would have cried or had open-mouthed breathing before passing away, and
he did not. I guess because he was tranquilized. I do not see how a sub q
shot of steroids could have had any medical effect within a second or two, but
it is hard not to think that my poking him with the shot made him pass away,
as he did so immediately afterwards. I was trying to help him, but I was
giving him more than the oncologist had recommended (I had done so a month ago
also, and figured if I had not disobeyed instructions then he would not have
rebounded) and it is hard not to feel it pushed him over the edge. Harder than
that, though, is the thought that the last thing I did before he died was stick
him with a needle. And that he had not crashed until I took him to the vet on
Thursday, and crashed even more after his ordeal at the oncologist's on Friday.
Had I known he really was going to die, I would never have put him through
that. I had considered not going to the oncologist and just giving him steroids
at home, and wish that I had. The oncologist had said there might be
something they could do, that maybe a transfusion would help him or he might have a
bleed that could be stopped, but all I did was torture him. His leg is all
bruised from the vet on Thursday not being able to draw his blood, and I know he
fought catheterization for the transfusion we tried to give him so hard that he
needed to be given oxygen. I will! never forgive myself for that. If he is
somewhere, I hope that he forgives me.
Thank you for all your prayers and support. if you believe Simon still is
somewhere (I myself do not know), please pray that he is ok and happy. I have
had a lot of cats, but he was possibly the most special. We called him our
dog-cat, because he acted so much like a dog, but with a naughty cat's
naughtiness. I will miss him so much and can not believe he is gone.
Michelle
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