So, what, nobody's got anything to say about this series? I know *I've* been enjoying it.
(Lurker, you say this is a reworking of a story from a few years back. I must have missed it then; don't know why. I know I'm glad to have seen it this time around.) A few points that occurred to me on a first reading of this chapter: > A block from the house, the plain, unassuming Japanese features of the > policeman blurred and shifted, becoming those of a white-haired > gaijin. > Timothy snorted. "That was easy. Foolish woman. Entirely too > Japanese for > her own good." I have been quite enjoying this incarnation of Artemis. A refreshing change. :) > No amount of soap or water would be able to scrub the taint and > filth of > violation from her soul, she knew, but at least cleaning her body > would make > her feel a little better. [...] > The hot, stinging downpour of the shower pelted on Ami's bare skin, > washing > the sweat and bitter tears from her body and face. But no amount of > heat, no > amount of water, could wash away the memory of the rough hands on > her body, > the humiliation and shame of the violation she had suffered... You're repeating yourself with the "no amount of..." phrase. > "What's left of..." Usagi trailed off. She racked her brains for a > moment; > liquid nitrogen--where had she heard of that? > > "He was frozen solid. Chemically. And then..." Umino gestured with his > hands. "Shattered." This is a cliche that bothers me. Why do people always get shown shattering after they get frozen solid? I really, really doubt that it would actually happen. If you drop a chunk of frozen meat on the floor, it doesn't shatter, does it? True, some materials do get brittle at very low temperatures. But the human body is 98% water (or some such figure), and I believe ice just gets harder as the temperature drops. I suppose that some extremities -- fingers, even an arm -- might break off if a deep- frozen human fell to the floor, but I'm fairly sure that the body would be mostly intact. Until, y'know, it thawed. :) > The cat, who had remained silent and unnoticed to this point, leapt > down to > join them. Her eyes flared, and a ring of crimson fire burned > briefly on the > floor before Ami. When it faded, leaving no scorch marks, a simple, > narrow > bracelet of gleaming blue metal lay on the carpet. Luna fixed her > burning > crimson eyes on the shocked girl. "This Mercury Item is your > birthright," > she said. "Place this on your wrist. It will allow you to become a > Senshi." Mercury ... *Item*? I'm sorry, but that's a really ... flat name. Anyway. Beyond these minor points -- as I said, I'm enjoying this a lot. Hope you continue this one. Cheers, Angus ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Angus MacSpon Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ICQ: 65719513 http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/ --- .-------Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List--------. | Administrators - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | | Unsubscribing - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `------------ FAQ URL coming soon.... -------------'
