Well done, but far from happyjoyjoy readng. I do salute the Lurker on this one, but it reads like an 'Ultimates' version of Sailor Moon.
HTG --- Angus MacSpon <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > So, what, nobody's got anything to say about this series? I know > *I've* been enjoying it. > > (Lurker, you say this is a reworking of a story from a few years > back. I must have missed it then; don't know why. I know I'm glad > to have seen it this time around.) > > A few points that occurred to me on a first reading of this chapter: > > > > A block from the house, the plain, unassuming Japanese features of the > > policeman blurred and shifted, becoming those of a white-haired > > gaijin. > > Timothy snorted. "That was easy. Foolish woman. Entirely too > > Japanese for > > her own good." > > I have been quite enjoying this incarnation of Artemis. A refreshing > change. :) > > > > No amount of soap or water would be able to scrub the taint and > > filth of > > violation from her soul, she knew, but at least cleaning her body > > would make > > her feel a little better. > > [...] > > > The hot, stinging downpour of the shower pelted on Ami's bare skin, > > washing > > the sweat and bitter tears from her body and face. But no amount of > > heat, no > > amount of water, could wash away the memory of the rough hands on > > her body, > > the humiliation and shame of the violation she had suffered... > > You're repeating yourself with the "no amount of..." phrase. > > > > "What's left of..." Usagi trailed off. She racked her brains for a > > moment; > > liquid nitrogen--where had she heard of that? > > > > "He was frozen solid. Chemically. And then..." Umino gestured with his > > hands. "Shattered." > > This is a cliche that bothers me. Why do people always get shown > shattering after they get frozen solid? I really, really doubt that > it would actually happen. If you drop a chunk of frozen meat on the > floor, it doesn't shatter, does it? > > True, some materials do get brittle at very low temperatures. But > the human body is 98% water (or some such figure), and I believe ice > just gets harder as the temperature drops. I suppose that some > extremities -- fingers, even an arm -- might break off if a deep- > frozen human fell to the floor, but I'm fairly sure that the body > would be mostly intact. Until, y'know, it thawed. :) > > > > The cat, who had remained silent and unnoticed to this point, leapt > > down to > > join them. Her eyes flared, and a ring of crimson fire burned > > briefly on the > > floor before Ami. When it faded, leaving no scorch marks, a simple, > > narrow > > bracelet of gleaming blue metal lay on the carpet. Luna fixed her > > burning > > crimson eyes on the shocked girl. "This Mercury Item is your > > birthright," > > she said. "Place this on your wrist. It will allow you to become a > > Senshi." > > Mercury ... *Item*? I'm sorry, but that's a really ... flat name. > > > Anyway. Beyond these minor points -- as I said, I'm enjoying this a > lot. Hope you continue this one. > > Cheers, > Angus > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Angus MacSpon Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > ICQ: 65719513 http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/ > > > > > --- > .-------Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List--------. > | Administrators - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | > | Unsubscribing - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | > | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | > `------------ FAQ URL coming soon.... -------------' > ____________________________________________________________________________________ Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Yahoo! Travel. http://travel.yahoo.com/ --- .-------Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List--------. | Administrators - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | | Unsubscribing - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `------------ FAQ URL coming soon.... -------------'
