"Transient! Conn, Sensory, fictional transient bearing 127.101.24.21!
It's Foxtrot-13 again, Sir -- the Sandborn."
"Well done, Sensory. Chief of the boat, secure from lurk. Mailroom,
load outboxes 1 and 3 with ADCAP-CCs, firing point procedures.
Tactical, I want a dual stream-of-consciousness run on this target."
"Solution updated, Captain. Mailroom reports loaded and ready for
launch."
"Stand by, Tactical. Chief, sound Action Stations, set Condition C
throughout the ship. Gentlemen... let's get ourselves a 'fic."
GL Sandborn wrote:
> **********************************************************************
>
> This story has been written without the knowledge or approval of Kou
> Fumizuki - Hakusensha/ AIAO Project and Pioneer Animation. It is for
> the enjoyment of Ai Yori Aoshi fans and written with respect for its
> original creators and copyright holders.
>
> **********************************************************************
>
> The Wild, Wild East
> Chapter 7 - Rebooting
In which Our Intrepid Heroes... okay, our romantic-comedy leads and
their support cast are digitized a-la _TRON_ and beamed into the Mat--
er, that is, the City of Mainframe.
What? Wrong crossover? Oh, well, carry on then.
> by GL Sandborn
>
>
>
>
> Tina groaned as the real world intruded on the darkness.
> Her head pounded like she had been drinking for a whole weekend.
> A bright light caused her to squeeze her eyes tighter and
> grimace. Where was she?
Sug: "...light pushing on her bruised eyelids..." or something.
Personally, I like the "kamikaze biker photons assaulting her eyeballs"
line, but that might be just a *bit* over the top. :)
> The bitter aftertaste of chemicals still danced on her
> tongue. She needed a drink - even water.
Spoken like a true alky.
> The chill of cold concrete penetrated her shorts and shirt.
> That had to mean she was on her back on a floor - somewhere
> besides the beach. The odor of concrete dust and old burlap bags
> tickled her nose.
I'm sure she has a funny "gee, the last time this happened..." story.
> Forcing an eye open, just a bit, told her the light in her
> eyes was from a single bulb overhead.
And firing STABBING BEAMS of PHOTONIC AGONY into her DEFENSELESS,
VIRGINAL eyeballs-- sorry? Over the top? Oh. Never mind.
> With another groan, she rolled onto her side and blinked as
> her environment swam into focus.
No nausea? Well, she is experienced at handling severe biochemical
insults.
> She was in a room only a couple of meters wide and slightly
> longer. The walls and ceiling appeared to be poured concrete.
> Along the far wall, there was a door. Her captivity was bad
> enough, but who was leaning against the wall next to the door
> sparked her indignation.
Sug: "...door added insult to imprisonment." (I'm a sucker for
alliteration).
> "You're awake," Steven said, as if he was just noting the
> obvious.
"Any OTHER clever observations, Captain Obvious?"
"You're blonde. You're stacked. You're hung over. You're a
borderline alchoholic. You're a ditz. You really want me to throw you
down, rip your clothes off, and--"
"Forget I asked."
> As she sat up, a number insults swam through her head, each
> competing to be uttered first. She could only move her dry lips
> in contempt. That two-timing jerk.
> One particularly nasty oath worked its way free, but was
> still born when she heard the latch on the door click. It slowly
> swung open on squeaky hinges, revealing a large man holding an
> automatic pistol. He wasn't from room service.
Actually, some of the hotels I've been in, free fire support from the
staff is considered die rigeur. Although the tip rate is substantially
higher than 15%.
Might want to make more explicit here that Steve was *behind* the door
when it opened.
> As if he could tell Steven was nearby, the man hesitated.
> "Move from door," he said in poor Japanese. It sounded like
> something he had learned by rote.
NK intelligence obviously wasted the effort of kidnapping all those
Japanese nationals in the '70s.
> Steven sighed and slowly made his way to her end of the
> room, still staring forlornly at the dusty floor. Good, she
> thought. He deserves to feel miserable.
Hell hath no fury.
> She was about to say just that when the large man with the
> pistol moved aside. Her eyes caught on only other person she
> didn't want to see again. "You!"
A bit awkward. Maybe something like "...the only other person besides
Steven she really *never* wanted to see again."
> "Ah, velly good. You wakie now," the little man with from
> the warehouse said with a self satisfied smirk. Wearing a
AAAAHHHGGG!!! It's Central-Casting Man!
> miniature version of a tuxedo, he looked so much like a tiny
> penguin she expected him to break out dancing at any moment.
Naw, he's just an over-enthusastic Linux geek.
(post-read edit: Okay, this is even funnier in retrospect)
> "Where's the girl?" Steven asked in an even voice while
> still looking down at the floor.
> "Who?" The little man blinked behind his large round
> glasses. "She dare," he said, pointing to Tina.
"WHO DARES?!?"
"I dare. After all, if I do not dare for myself, who will dare for
me?" (Lee&Miller's Liaden novels -- shameless plug).
> "The other girl," Steven corrected, his eyes angry slits as
> he now glared at the little man.
> "Oh, sure, you're worried about your girlfriend," Tina
> snapped. "You never even asked if I'm okay."
<snerk> At least he didn't say "Other woman."
And he can *see* that Tina's okay. Heck, he probably gave her a full
first-aid checkout while she was still comatose.
...um. On second thought, we better not tell Tina that. You know how
she'll react.
> Steven regarded her with a disappointed expression. "I know
> you're okay. I'm worried about Akai."
Points for staying on mission, but zero for any understanding of the
female psyche.
> Crossing her arms in a huff, Tina stuck her tongue out at
> Steven and quickly looked away. Despite everything she was
> willing to give up to be with him, he was more interested in some
...just *what* has she-- oh, never mind. She's doing the Female
Revisionist History thing.
Tense: Sug "Had been willing"
> Japanese girl than her. Maybe she'll get lucky and the man with
> the gun will shoot him. Not enough to kill him, just a wound
> like before - enough to make him suffer. That'd teach him.
Tense disagreement: Sug: "she'd get lucky" and "would shoot him."
Her conflicting feelings are showing, here.
> "Ah, not wolly," the little man said with a broad grin.
> "See?"
> He held his hands behind his back with a satisfied
> expression as another figure joined him in the doorway. Wearing
> a red evening dress that sparkled in the light, Akai wrapped her
> arms around the little man and gave him a discreet kiss on the
> cheek.
...okay. I honestly thought she wasn't the one who sold him out. I
would have thought that she'd give up the act once the dart hit him.
But she must have kept on pretending until he was totally unconscious.
Smart, actually.
> "I'm touched," she said to Steven as she caressed the little
> man's shoulder. It was a bit awkward since she stood almost a
> foot and a half taller. "You were worried about me."
> Steven's revulsion was easy to read. "Double agent," he
> hissed.
Heh. Like the Pope meeting a Satanist.
> "Well now, you're not as stupid as I first thought," Akai
> taunted with a smirk. "We want to thank you for returning such a
> valuable part of our glorious people's weapon."
> "The one with the tracking device?" Steven said, his voice
> sounding like less like a growl than before.
> "Ah, yes." The little man rubbed the back of his head like
> he was embarrassed. "Stupid Chinese palts. Not wolk all time.
> Must be bloken."
Ah. Thus the strangely intermittent effectiveness of the NKs' manhunt
is explained. I was leaning more towards the trickle-charge capacitor
that could only send up a signal at long intervals explanation myself,
but I push electrons for a living. Besides, given these characters....
> Tina silently cursed to herself. So that was why they kept
> getting away. The tracking device was defective. Pity, she
> didn't think of shielding it sooner.
I'd drop that comma. And maybe "hadn't thought," although Tina's
diction does tend to be loose.
> As if he could read her mind, the little man pulled out the
> metal mint box that used to contain the card key. "Plartner
> velly smart. Put in can."
Altoids, the curiously strong peppermint. Now in Farraday Cage flavor!
> "Yes, we had lost track of you back in Kagome," Akai said
> with a satisfied smile. "We might never had found you, if you
> hadn't come looking for me."
Seriously, what were the odds?
> "I never figured you for a Korean," Steven said to the
> woman.
> "You poor deluded fool," Akai said with a pout. "I was born
> Japanese but when I was very young, my mother and I were lucky to
Sug: "lucky enough"
> be abducted by brave agents of the glorious people's republic.
> In their country, my mother taught other women how to pass as
> Japanese. She was very good at her job. Because of that, I grew
> up in unbelievable luxury. I had everything I ever wanted." Her
> dreamy expression quickly turned darker. "I also learned all
> about how you running dogs enslaved half our country with designs
> on completing your conquest as soon as your forces were strong
> enough. Fortunately, our brave soldiers continue to this day
> their heroic stand against your pathetic criminals."
....h0ooo, boy. Paging Doctor Electroshock, please report to the
holding cell.
> "That enough, Akai," the little man said softly.
> "Today our glorious struggle takes a giant leap forward,
> crushing you imperialist dogs for the people of the world!" Akai
> finished with a pose that would have been right at home on a
> North Korean poster.
Except for, you know, that Capitalist Imperialist Running Dog
Lackey-of-the-Oppressors slinky red evening gown.
> The little man sighed. "Converts are arways the most
> passionate," he said shaking his head. "Sometime I think we do
> too good job."
...ya THINK?
> Steven crossed his arms and leaned against the wall next to
> Tina. "So, why are we still alive?"
> "You, my dear, sweet agent of the running dog imperialists,
> have become a most important part of our plan," Akai said sweetly
"Oh, sure, glad to help. Anytime. You name it."
"Really?"
"No. *Duh.*"
> - almost too sweetly. She again caressed the little man's cheek.
> "Shall I tell them?"
> "I check," the little man said, pulling out the same small
> handbook he had back in the warehouse. He thumbed through a few
> pages before finding what he was looking for. "Ah, yes, it say
> here we can tell plan to doomed plisoners."
...I have a bad feeling about this.
> "Sweetheart, are you sure you have the right book?" Akai
> asked.
> Holding it up for her to see, the little man grinned. "It
> one you gave me rast Clistmas."
<whistling while ignoring the irony of the DPRK celebrating that
particular holiday...>
> Akai sighed. "Oh, yes, I remember now. 'How To Be A Good
> Villain' by Ian Fleming. It's a classic."
<CHOKE!>
Merciful God, it all makes sense now.
> Tina groaned softly as her hand covered her forehead. She
> couldn't believe she had been captured by someone using a
> Hollywood 'How To' book.
I can. Of course, I suspect that Steven's No Such Agency may have the
companion volume as part of their training curriculum.
> "It say plisoners can be told pran," the little man said
> with a shrug. "You do."
> Akai nodded and turned to Steven. "You see, we are in the
> basement of a very important new building in Tokyo built by a dog
"Tokyo, built"
> from the aristocracy of this country. It is so important that
> many prominent people from Japan and America will be in
> attendance. Once they are all inside, our device will activate -
> killing everyone." She paused with a satisfied smile. "Of
> course, when the Japanese investigate, they will find the device
> and two dead American agents in the basement. The link between
> the dead people upstairs and who did the killing will be easy to
> make. Naturally, there will be outrage among the Japanese people
> - we will see to that. Demonstrations by the masses will
> 'spontaneously' spring up all over the country demanding the
> imperialist running dogs be thrown out. There might even be
> blood shed." She paused again, as if the thought of American
> soldiers gunning down protesting Japanese gave her a warm
> feeling. "Under pressure from the people, the Japanese
> government will turn against the imperialist occupiers of their
> country. Your military will be forced to leave. Then, Japan's
> pacifist government will withdraw all support for you Americans
> allowing us to take one giant step towards expelling your pitiful
> army occupying our land. All hail to our glorious army of
> liberation!" She struck another poster pose that caused the
> little man to sigh again.
Well, as plans go, it has the advantage of being simple.
Simple-MINDED, maybe, but still simple.
> "We must wolk on you enthusiasm, Akai."
> "Oh? You think I am being too patriotic?" Akai asked with
> wide innocent eyes.
Brrrr. An honest answer to that question, to someone who acts like
that, is a good way to get Stalinized.
> The little man shrugged. "You have enough fo whoo army."
For a sec, I thought that was "whor army," and... well, never mind.
> "Thank you, my sweet," Akai cooed. She regarded Steven with
> an evil look. "Every eventuality has been planned for."
Doesn't the Fleming Manual tell you NOT to... oh, wait. It's a manual
for *Bond Villains.*
> "Judging by the quality of your tracking device, I'm not
> convinced your little bomb is as good as you say," Steven
> replied.
Good boy, dangle that hook.
> "The tracking device was a minor oversight. Our little
> 'toy' has much better parts - many of them American. Still, in
> case something doesn't work, we have made... contingency plans,"
> Akai replied with a self-satisfied expression. "I believe some
> members of the group that owns this building were quite willing
> to assist us in making those plans."
....oh. Given that we KNOW what building this is, even if you haven't
tipped that card yet, that suggests that Something Is Rotten in the
Sakuraba Zaibatsu.
And the clan head, his wife, and their heiress are all in attendance.
So... who stands to gain?
> "Group? A Japanese group?" Steven asked.
> Akai shrugged. "They are naive but useful fools - and most
> willing to cooperate. They have certain goals of their own that
> require our assistance. Something about eliminating the leader
> of the Sakuraba Group allowing them to take over. Not that it is
> of any importance. We will deal with those fools when
> convenient. For now, we are pleased they can be useful to our
> glorious revolution."
Bets that the traitorous Sakuraba are planning on ratting out their NK
allies *just* too late to save everyone in the building?
> Tina tried to hide her surprise at finding out there were
> members of Aoi Sakuraba's corporation involved. Turning her head
> away, she squeezed her eyes shut. If what Akai said was true,
> Aoi's parents were in danger. Aoi herself might also be just
> above their heads, oblivious to the ticking time bomb beneath her
> feet.
"Aoi," not "Miss Landlord"? That's significant.
> "I doubt making people's hair fall out will cause the events
> you describe," Steven said. He sounded and looked like he was
> formulating a plan. That was fine with her - just so long as she
> got the chance to dump the two-timer somewhere along the way.
Gosh-darnit, Tina, PRIORITIZE!
...right. Female priorities. *Scorned*-female priorities. Never mind.
> "What?" the little man asked, like he was surprised that
> Steven didn't understand the lethality of his weapon.
> "I think he is trying to describe our little toy, my love,"
> Akai said in a syrupy sweet voice.
> "Oh. He foo."
"I PITY the foo who crosses my boy Steven! I PITY 'em!"
<this gratuitous Mr. T cameo brought to you by The Coalition To Add The
A-Team To This Fic Just For The Utter Silliness Of It All>
> "Yes, he's a fool but I really want to tell him," Akai
> replied softly.
> "Book say it okay," he said with a shrug.
> "Our glorious scientists - who are much smarter than even
> your Einstein - discovered that a certain radio frequency when
Lemme guess -- They're all relatives of Tesla, right?
"frequency, when"
> focused on the human body causes a most interesting reaction.
"body, causes"
> You see, the human body is covered with hair. Oh, we don't see
> most of it, but it is there - or shaved in the case of your vain,
> aristocratic running dogs. Each of those hairs has a follicle.
Given what she was wearing, before and now, she must indulge in this
particular decadent grooming habit herself. But only as part of her
cover, of course.
> When subjected to intense, highly focused radio waves, those
> follicles expand so quickly that they explode through the surface
> of the skin. I understand the resulting death is most...
> unpleasant."
...that actually makes sense. Oh, I don't think it would be workable
in the real world, but causing *every* hair follicle to explode really
could be lethal. Severely incapacitating and scarring, at minimum.
But it still *sounds* silly. "Death by radiological exfoliation"?
> Tina suppressed a strong gulp as she quickly tried to
> inventory all the hair - shaved or not - on her body. The
> thought of all those follicles exploding at once sent a shiver up
> her spine.
Painful. Definitely painful. Full-body second-degree burns for sure,
maybe even some third, in certain... densely-populated areas (ouch!).
> "Big deal, you created an oversized microwave," Steven said
> with disdain. "You could have used it to make popcorn to feed
> your starving people."
Well, first they'd have to have the *corn*...
Keep fishing, Steve.
> Akai's face twitched at his suggestion. Tina wasn't sure if
> this was the reaction he wanted. She thought it a dangerous
> move, considering the woman's obvious instability.
> "This is just a prototype," Akai snapped. "It only covers a
> small area - probably, no larger than the main room above. But
> that will be enough to kill everyone in that room." She looked
> over her shoulder with a dreamy expression.
> "If it's that deadly, won't you die when it activates?"
> Steven asked.
> "Oh, we be upstairs in harr way," the little man said. "We
> safe."
> "Harr way?" Tina asked Steven.
Harm's way?
> "I think he means the hallway upstairs," Steven replied.
> "Oh."
Ah.
> "It's probably just outside the weapon's range."
Hee! Go for it, Psychological Warfare Boy!
> Akai's right eyebrow twitched at their exchange but
> otherwise she pressed on. "Yes, and in the resulting panic, we
> will run out of the building - lucky survivors of a horrible
> assassination perpetrated by you imperialist running dog
> enslavers of our people." Striking another heroic pose brought
> another sigh from the little man.
> "You forgot medicine again, didn't you?"
<choke>
> "Does it show?" Akai asked innocently.
...no. too easy.
> "I think we need to up you dose," he replied before turning
.....again, too easy.
> to his captives. "We go now. Thank rou for being part of plan.
> We have roverly parting gift." He gestured to the large man with
> the pistol. Fumbling for a moment with his weapon, the man
> pulled out a small package and placed it on the floor just inside
> the room.
> "What's in it?" Steven asked, his eyes riveted to the
> package.
> Akai giggled as she turned to leave. "Some pastries from
> our shop on the beach. They are to die for."
...don't you just HATE villains who think they're clever punsters as
well?
> As the door squeaked shut, Tina eyed her companion. "Well,
> this is another fine mess," she huffed.
So, which one of them is Abbot, and which is Costello? And who's on
first?
> "What are you doing here?" Steven asked, still staring at
> the closed door.
> "What do you mean, what am I doing here?"
> "I left you with Mrs. Minazuki. You were supposed to be
> safe there." Steven shot her a look that ordinarily would have
> triggered a defensive response. Instead of answering, Tina chose
> to change the subject.
> "You sure looked like you were enjoying yourself in her
> arms," she accused, crossing her arms again and trying to regain
> her aloofness. It was hard to do while not looking him in the
> eyes.
Sug: "while avoiding (meeting) his eyes."
> "You followed me, didn't you?" he asked in an accusing tone.
> Tina hesitated before answering, slowly standing as she
> thought of an appropriate response. "I was --"
> Her reply was cut off by the door squeaking open again.
> Both watched warily as Akai stuck her head inside.
> "By the way. Little girl, you are really lucky to have such
> a good kisser for a boyfriend." She giggled like the whole idea
> was funny to her. "You two have almost fifteen minutes before
> the device activates. That should be enough time for you to --"
Oh, yeah -- we have to ratchet up the romantic/sexual tension too. I
almost forgot.
> "AKAI!" came the little man's impatient call.
> Akai just shook her head and sighed. "What can I say? He
> loves me. Bai-bai!" With that, she slammed shut the door.
> "So you WERE kissing her!" Tina yelled.
Yep, let's get to the IMPORTANT issue first.
> "Tina, I was set up! She lured me to the beach to get her
> hands on the key device and then got me in a clinch in order to
> drug me."
> Remembering how he practically collapsed onto the beach and
> how the Koreans just 'happened' to be nearby to capture her, Tina
> had to admit that Steven might just be telling the truth. Maybe
> he wasn't such a jerk after all.
So quick to believe that he might, maybe, just be honest. She's really
got it bad.
> "If you had just stayed with Mrs. Minazuki, you would
> probably be on your way home." Sighing, Steven sagged against
> the side wall. "Now, everything has gone wrong. I didn't
> protect the key code device, I'm probably going to die because of
> it, and - worst of all - I'm responsible for getting an innocent
> bystander killed as well."
"Do you consider yourself an innocent bystander?"
"Lord knows I *try* to be." (Miles Vorkosigan and Ivan Vorpatril,
from one of Lois McMaster Bujold's excellent novels. /plug)
> "Don't forget the international incident it will cause,"
> Tina replied, too fast for her to stop herself. "I guess by
> tomorrow, we will both be famous."
or INfamous.
And, Tina? NOT. HELPING.
> "I believe 'infamous' is more like it," Steven corrected as
> he pushed himself from the wall with a heavy sigh. "Right. No
> sense in sitting around feeling sorry for myself. The first
> thing we need to do is get out of this room."
Finally! Someone with sense.
> With a grunt of approval, Tina slowly followed him to the
> door. It looked like a particularly sold and heavy wooden
"solid"
> obstruction. She doubted he had anything that would open it.
> She was about to remark how hopeless it looked, when Steven
> knelt down and started to untie his shoes.
> "What are you doing?" she asked. "We're already inside.
> It's too late to take your shoes off."
Unless he's planning to go with a smile. :D
> "My shoe laces have a magnesium core," he said, pulling one
> lace free from its shoe. "The door hinges are on the inside. If
> I wrap these around the hinges, I should be able to burn them
> off. We can then remove the door and get out of here."
A pure magnesium core might not do it. A *thermite*
(magnesium/powered-aluminum) core would for sure, though, and be easier
to light.
What? Why are you looking at me that way? Haven't you ever melted
down an engine block to while away a slow Saturday afternoon?
> She watched as he wrapped a lace around each hinge. She had
> no idea what he was talking about, but he sure sounded confident.
> Of course, if anyone was still in the other room, the noise would
> give them away.
And the smoke. And flames. And globbets of flying molten metal.
> "I'll check to see if the coast is clear," she said reaching
> for the door.
> Pulling it open, she stuck her head outside and looked
> around. Closing the door again, she smiled confidently.
> "There's no one out there. They've all gone."
Good thinking.
(!)
...wait a second.....
> Instead of congratulating her, Steven just stared as he
> slowly dropped onto his butt. "It wasn't locked?" he asked in a
> stunned voice.
...!...
> "Well, yeah. I guess it wasn't. Funny, we forgot to check
> huh?"
> Steven just growled as he snatched his shoe laces off the
> door hinges. "I can't believe I didn't check first."
Oh, trust me -- it's the kind of mistake even Bond would make.
> "Sometimes the simple things are the truth."
> With his hand on the door knob, Steven regarded her with a
> pained expression. "Do you even understand what you just said?"
Magic 8-ball says: "Not a chance."
> "I donno. I think it's something Miss Landlord said to me
> once."
"dunno"
> Shanking his head, Steven pulled open the door. "I've got
> to meet this chick."
Sooner than you think, boyo.
> Tina stepped aside with a frown as Steven escaped the room.
> "Chick?" she said to herself. "No wonder he's never had a
> girlfriend."
Hey, now. I think he's demonstrated that he's a lot deeper than that
little slip of the tongue would imply.
> She followed Steven until she spotted what had to be the
> only exit. Unfortunately, it was blocked by a solid steel door.
Good thing they saved the shoelaces.
> Yanking a few times on the handle was enough to convince her
> that it was locked and secure. She tried pounding on the door
> and shouting but all that did was give her sore hands and throat.
> "Okay, there's no exit," Steven said, looking around. "I
> guess we better find that device."
What about the SHOELACES?
> "It's probably over there," Tina replied without looking.
> "It's in a keg marked 'Coors, Golden, Colorado' - standard model
> E12. Probably an export version with--"
> "How did you...? Never mind. I don't want to know," Steven
I'm with Steve.
> said, turning towards a single cylindrical object standing
> upright on its end in the middle of the room. Bundles of wires
> from underneath it ran across the floor in all directions,
> disappearing into conduits going up the concrete walls. It
> looked like a small, beached octopus.
But an EEEVIL octopus. With electromagnetic explosive-exfoliating
powers.
...okay, still sounds silly.
> Tina followed him to the device and squatted down next to
> it. Up close, she could hear it humming like a small washing
> machine. "You know how to deactivate this thing?"
> "I've had one class in disarming explosive devices," he
> replied as he closely examined the keg.
> "That's one more than me," she said, forcing a nervous
> smile.
> "Really," he grumped. Drawing a deep breath, he gently felt
> around the device.
> A thought occurred to Tina. "You did pass, didn't you?"
....I'm not saying anything.
> "Yes. Eventually."
> "Eventually?" she gasped.
> "Third try."
> "I certainly hope you learned something from it because you
> only get one chance this time." Scowling between the device and
> Steven, she slowly backed away.
Honestly, the hardest part of defusing such devices is figuring out the
design of the detonator circuit without getting blown up in the process.
And *good* bomb-makers have anti-tamper measures to make any defusing
attempt *really* fun (The IRA used to be world leaders at that game).
> "Tell me something I don't know." Steven pulled off his
> laceless left shoe and worked the shoe's heel off to reveal a
> tiny compartment in a hollowed-out cavity. Inside was a small
> multipurpose tool. It didn't look like much but after a few
> twists and folds, it reformed into a tiny set of wire cutters.
Obviously, Fleming left the "ALWAYS STRIP BOND" chapter out of his
manual.
> Tina instinctively backed a little further away.
> Seconds passed as Steven searched for some way of getting
> inside. Finding a small access door, he carefully pried it open
> revealing a couple of wires.
"open, revealing"
> "Piece of cake," he said, wiping his brow before carefully
> easing out the wires. "There's only two."
> Instead of cutting wires, as she expected, he slowly sat
> back, a confused expression on his face.
> "What's wrong?"
> "There's no red wire," he replied. "I'm supposed to cut the
> red wire but there's only blue and yellow wires."
...remember what I said about his agency's manual? You don't build
bombs to ISO standard color codes (of course, the NKs' Fleming manual
*should* have made them use Hollywood Standard Wiring, but maybe they
were out of red that week).
Of course, it could be worse. The last time I was in this situation
(okay, a only-somewhat analagous one), it involved about thirty wires,
all the same color, and none of them labeled.
> "Cut either one," she insisted.
> "If I do that and pick the wrong one, the device goes
> 'boom'," he replied with a frown.
Only if there's an anti-tamper circuit. But since he's not experienced
enough to determine that....
> "Who cares? It's been almost ten minutes since they left.
> It's going to go 'boom' soon anyway."
> "Right. I'll... I'll just pick one." His hands shook
> slightly as he reached for the wires. Before he touched them, he
> pulled his hands back. "Which one would you pick?"
> Tina blinked, first at him and then at the wires. "Uh...
> the... blue one."
> "Why blue?"
> She shrugged. "I donno. Miss Landlord always wore blue.
"dunno"
> Of course, she also liked yellow. Maybe, that's the right one."
> "You're a big help," Steven said reaching for the wires
> again. "I guess it's up to me."
Well, you could be in "The Abyss" -- knowing exactly which wire to cut,
but unable to tell which is which.
> "Of course, you could always unplug it," she said.
Say what?
> "What?"
Oh, don't TELL me--
> Instead of answering, she leaned over and pulled the plug
> out of the wall socket. The device instantly went silent.
> Dangling the plug in front of him, she smiled smugly.
> "Who's the master spy now?"
That... that's not FAIR! I mean, what COMPETENT plotter builds a bomb
that PLUGS INTO THE WALL!?!??!???
> Before he could answer, a larger panel popped open with a
> loud 'click', revealing a small screen. On it, was a familiar
> logo.
> "Windows XP?" Steven gasped as the screen scrolled through
> its memory check. "The damn thing is rebooting!"
Aaand, we have title!
Hm. XP seems like overkill for a trigger mechanism. Oh, who am I
kidding, a budget cellphone would be overkill (though handy). Who the
heck designed this thing, Rube Goldberg?
> "Rebooting?"
> "It must have a battery backup." Steven glanced around at
> all the wires still attached to the keg's bottom. "Or maybe one
> of these is another power cable!"
> "What do we do?"
> "Pull wires!"
Well, throw caution to the winds, first.
> Shoving the keg on its side, the two began to frantically
Sug: "over onto its side,"
> yank and tug at its exposed wires. Some came out easily. Others
> resisted even Steven's best efforts.
> Tina chanced a look at the little screen again. "It now
> says: Welcome."
> "I hate you, Bill Gates!"
Amen, brother! Embrace the penguin! LINUX 4EVAR!!!!
Although to be fair, XP actually makes a pretty decent industrial
control system. *IF* you prune it heavily, lock it up completely, and
never ever let anyone get access to the system....
> "Don't blame him. It's probably a bootleg copy," Tina
> replied, pulling out a cable. "Now, if it was Mac OS, we'd be
> dead already." She paused and looked at the screen again. "Oh,
...<SNERK!> I always knew the OS wars would turn lethal someday.....
Actually, a minimal Linux install boots faster than either.
> it's okay. Blue screen. I hate when that happens."
> For several seconds, they pulled loose every wire they
> could, but more than half the wires were still attached. Tina
> took another opportunity to check the screen. "Rebooting -
> again. At this rate, it'll never activate."
<suspicious glare> GL, my sister's laptop started doing exactly this
after the last big Microsoft update (after which I nuked her drive and
installed Ubuntu, since the manufacturer failed to provide any restore
CDs. Coincidence? I think NOT!
> "Don't count on it," Steven warned. "Keep pulling wires."
> Tina continued trying to pull wires from the device, but she
> was finding fewer that would yield to her efforts. She paused
You know, burning magnesium cuts through bundles of wires like a hot
flaming knife through butter....
> when Steven reconfigured his little tool again. Before she could
> ask what he was doing, he set about removing the screws holding
> the bottom on.
> Trying to pull wires that wouldn't yield was just getting in
> the way. Instead, she watched the little screen go through a
> series of debug screens before settling on one she understood.
> "Oh, it's now a cute little teddy bear and some numbers," she
> said.
...Akai designed the timer, didn't she?
> "Numbers?"
> "Yeah, 30 - 29 - 28..."
> "A timer!" Steven gasped.
> "What do we do?"
> "RUN!"
WHERE????
> Scrambling to her feet, Tina dashed for the farthest corner
> of the room. Diving behind some crates, she landed hard on the
> cold concrete floor and rolled onto her back. She was only
> slightly surprised when Steven darted in behind her, covering her
> body with his own. It was a nice gesture but she doubted it
> would be enough when the device activated. They were still too
> close.
Actually, the ductwork and cabling going up into the ceiling suggests
waveguides, which could mean that the "bomb" isn't a bomb, but rather a
resonator feeding emitters upstairs in the main ballroom. So being in
the same room might be-- oh. No, Akai said that they'd get killed to.
So much for that happy thought.
> "I'm sorry about this," Steven said. "I didn't want it
> to... you know."
> Shifting her body slightly, Tina wrapped her arms around his
> neck and pulled herself closer. His warm body actually felt...
> nice. "That's okay," she said with a tiny sniff. "I'm sorry for
> thinking you were a louse back there. I should have known you
> wouldn't really kiss another girl."
"Oh, I kissed her, it just didn't *mean* any-- never mind."
> "She's not my type," he said softly. "I prefer tall blonds
> with bad ankles."
SP: Blondes.
> "Really?"
> "Yeah. The truth is, you're the only girl I really want to
> kiss."
> There - he finally said it. She got the same feeling she
> had back in Mrs. Minazuki's place - when he had his hands on her
> shoulders before he left. This was her second chance - her last
> chance. With only seconds left to live, she wasn't going to die
> unkissed.
Unfortunately, it's too late for her not to die a virgin. Which means
this 'fic gets no lemon content, dangit.
> Closing her eyes, she parted her lips slightly and silently
> begged him to actually do it this time. Tightening her arms
> around him as a hint, she waited.
And waited, and waited, and waited-- "say, shouldn't we be dead now?"
Cue Meatloaf, "Paradise by the Dashboard Light": "And now I'm praying
for the end of time, to hurry up and arrive, 'cause if I had to spend
another minute with you, I don't think that I could ever survive...."
> Her heartbeat pounded in her ears, sounding like distant
> thunder, muffled and indistinct. It resonated in the pit of her
> stomach, tickling long neglected nerves. She felt herself
> tremble as the very ground she lay on mirrored her anticipation.
Wow... the earth moved. Why do I think this isn't just metaphorical?
> So this was what true love felt like. Imagine what his kiss
> would do.
> A blinding flash penetrated her closed eyelids, causing her
> to grimace. From somewhere across the room, came a loud
> explosion, showering them both with chunks of concrete and wood.
> "What was that?" she gasped, trying to look around Steven.
> "It's Akai's contingency plan," he shouted over the
> explosions that ripped the ceiling closer to them, causing lights
> to dance and flicker. A thick fog of concrete dust and smoke
> filled the air making it hard to see and even harder to breathe.
Yep, that's a mood-killer, all right.
> Steven jumped to his feet and snatched her arm, pulling her
> up. "We gotta get out of here before the whole building comes
> down on us!"
> "Where?" she shouted back. "The only reason we're still in
> the basement is because there's no way out. The stairs are
> blocked by a solid steel door and the basement has no windows."
> More explosions from further above were followed by the
> sounds of large sections of the building striking the ceiling
> above their heads. Muffled screams and the sound of running feet
> could be heard between explosions.
> Trapped in the basement of a collapsing building, her whole
> world was exploding, collapsing, and burning. Thick black smoke
> rolled across the floor like a charging demon. It was her worst
> nightmare come to life. This time, she wasn't going to wake up.
> This time, she was going to die.
This looks like a job for... SUPER KAORU! Which means that He and Aoi
will probably stumble onto the scene and Miyabi will (once again) save
everybody's bacon.
IN OUR NEXT THRILLING INSTALLMENT:
Will Tina ever get kissed?
Will Steven ever get lucky?
Will Kaouru and Aoi bump into each other and pretend to be strangers?
Will Akai gets what's coming to her? (Or at least lots and lots of
deprogramming therapy?)
Will Miyabi get to work out some of her frustrations (by kicking some
traitorous hiney)?
Will the author ever quit teasing us with these romantic near-misses?
Will my C&C ever stop being this cheesy?
Find out in our next chapter! Same FFML time, same FFML channel!
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