Nick -
As much as this crowd (the vocal subset) likes to speculate (self
acutely implicated) about all kinds of things, I suspect that for many
of us, this speculation is anything but idle. I don't know our precise
demographics but I believe we are top loaded with many over-60's which
means that most of us have been preceded in death by at least one
parent, maybe a sibling, a spouse, or other peers and in some cases
even, a child or protege. This is not academic, it is real and personal.
I also think (as Glen points out?) the baby-boom hump slamming into the
health care system and society at large is a very real phenomenon which
society at large (boomers and our children in particular) will have to
deal with very personally.
I like your use of the term "Death Escort" and don't know if I accept
Glen's quibble of "Dying Escort", though I suppose it is literally more
accurate except maybe in the case of suicide pacts. I feel that my
wife, her mother, and I (with minor help from the other 7 children and
some professional caregivers) escorted her father to the gates of death
as graciously as could be asked. In another time, he might have been
allowed a tattered blanket and a place on the ice floe or in a lean-to
far enough from camp to not have to worry about his ghost or evil
spirits (germs?) to visit the camp itself. This too, if part of the
social contract he lived within, would have been graceful as well.
My own father was fast-marched off by an overworked, underpaid, and
sadly calloused system that knew only how to change his diaper and alarm
his wheelchair. My mother and sister tried to attend, but not to his
death, to keeping him here until ... well... I don't know. I myself
tried to attend him to his death, but was trumped (as it should be) by
his lifetime partner's wishes to keep him present. I spent a week
alone with him each year, including by circumstance the week after my
mother's fall. Up until this last session, I spent the week encouraging
him to tell what stories he had left in him, even though I had heard
them many times. It felt to be an important part of helping him wind
down and wind up. In my last week alone with him, he was no longer able
to articulate anything but his constant state of sheer puzzlement about
who/what/where he was. So instead of escorting him on toward the gates
of death, I escorted him through a daily grind of confusion and visits
to his life-partner who he no longer knew, but seemed to recognize in
some distant way. But I did that for her, not him. For him, a more
graceful thing to do would have been to help him fill his pockets with
rocks and go for a swim in the lake. (This is a line my wife and I used
with each other during her Fathers long escort unto death... "are those
rocks in your pockets, are are you just going for a swim?") In their
lucid years, both of them would have professed to want this.
Many here probably feel they would not be alive today (or would be badly
maimed or compromised) if not for the medical system. Others probably
have worked within it or chosen partners who have. So I know it is
confrontational to many to suggest that the Medical System (from the AMA
to Medical School to the Insurance Industry and Pharma (big, medium or
small)) is as much a threat to our (spiritual if not physical) health as
anything. I still use over the counter medicines (Ibuprofen, VitC,
H2O2,...) and would probably ask a medical professional to set my leg if
I were to break it, or maybe even throw me some antibiotics if I were to
obtain an infection that appeared to be beyond the capability of my own
immune system and metabolism to cope. But beyond that I am very leery
of a system that needs us to have bought into it at so many levels
(financially, personally, practically, emotionally, ???). In my
estimation, it is no better than our (broken) financial system and our
(deeply compromised) political system. I do NOT have 911 in my speed dial.
In response to Nick's statement about being given a formal death
sentence (with a date)... I know people who have used this information
to very good effect, and others for whom it was devastating.
I used to ask myself two questions: "What would I do today if I knew I
were going to die tomorrow?" and "What would I do today if I knew I were
going to live forever?". The answers have always been remarkably
similar and just to be snarky, one would think neither question would be
answered by "Write a massive missive to FRIAM"; yet, somehow my
behaviour suggests otherwise. Or is it just a question of "the
excluded middle"? I suppose I have nothing better to do?
Which reminds me!
Toodles,
- Steve
PS. Enjoy those Sundays... while I indulge myself in one final
cathartic 50 page posting to FRIAM, where I tell everyone here "what I
*really* think!" ;)
Glen wrote:
*/The trick is whether the _cattle_ who are heading toward their
slaughter are self-aware enough to understand that they're going to die/*
Point taken. But, you know. Just to wax philosophical in exactly the
sense that enrages Doug, I don't think we know our own death's, do
we? We know bereavement, we know illness and pain and decline, but we
don't know death. So, when the Death Escort accompanies me to the
Doors of Death, s/he will not know any more about where I am going
than the Judas Steer. There is, so far as I know, no point of view
that is the point of view of the dead. I always fantasize that the
hardest thing about being told one is going to die in N weeks is what
to do in the meantime, given that I have no future. (Speaks the true
Apollonian; no Dionysian I) Now, that's where a Death Escort might
come in handy.
Being a diabetic, I plan to eat a lot of hot-fudge sundaes, but
beyond that I have no plans.
Nick
-----Original Message-----
From: Friam [mailto:friam-boun...@redfish.com] On Behalf Of glen
Sent: Thursday, April 25, 2013 1:07 PM
To: The Friday Morning Applied Complexity Coffee Group
Subject: Re: [FRIAM] bursting the placebo bubble
Nicholas Thompson wrote at 04/25/2013 12:02 PM:
> A question for the person who speaks of escorting somebody into death.
> I confess, being old, I quite like the concept. But I guess we have
> to remember that such an escort is always a Judas steer.
I could not disagree with you more. We're _all_ going to die. You may
not believe that, but it's true. The trick is whether the _cattle_
who are heading toward their slaughter are self-aware enough to
understand that they're going to die and that they have some control
over how it happens.
That's nothing like a judas steer.
--
=><= glen e. p. ropella
I'm seeing nowhere through the eyes of a lie
============================================================
FRIAM Applied Complexity Group listserv
Meets Fridays 9a-11:30 at cafe at St. John's College
to unsubscribe http://redfish.com/mailman/listinfo/friam_redfish.com
============================================================
FRIAM Applied Complexity Group listserv
Meets Fridays 9a-11:30 at cafe at St. John's College
to unsubscribe http://redfish.com/mailman/listinfo/friam_redfish.com
============================================================
FRIAM Applied Complexity Group listserv
Meets Fridays 9a-11:30 at cafe at St. John's College
to unsubscribe http://redfish.com/mailman/listinfo/friam_redfish.com
