=========================== F R I E N D S H I P =========================== Original Sender : "M Fahmi Aulia" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> ---------------------------------------------------------------- Sorry, pertengahan minggu sibuk banget, jadi baru akhir pekan jokesnya bisa nongol....B^P Enjoy...B^) *** Jokes begin *** source: Salim S MEMO To: Bapak Direktur Hal: Rekomendasi Yth. Bapak Direktur, Ujang Bin Ucok, asisten programmer saya, selalu saja bekerja keras dengan giat. Ia bekerja independent, tanpa pernah menghabiskan waktunya untuk ngobrol. Ia tidak pernah berpikir dua kali untuk menolong rekan kerjanya dan selalu menyelesaikan tugas pada waktunya dan bahkan ia sering kali menyelesaikannya lebih cepat dari seharusnya. Tak pernah ia bolos dengan alasan yang tidak jelas. Saya mengusulkan agar ia dipromosikan sebagai manajer. Proposal mengenai ini akan segera dikeluarkan secepatnya. NB: Si brengsek itu tadi berdiri di belakang saya ketika menulis surat ini. Bacalah baris-baris ganjil saja pada surat ini. *** source: Achmad Y A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, and identifying characteristic. The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now he had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He went to the professor's desk and said "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked out the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name, so as the student reached the door, the professor called out "One moment, son, what's your name?" The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said "You guess buddy! You guess!" *** source: Ninuk Sugeng Ada 2 orang gila yang dalam perawatan di RS Jiwa kita sebut aja namanya Amin dan Badu. Si Amin sedang tertawa-tawa sendiri, mukanya girang banget. Si Badu menghampiri Amin. Badu : Eh .. ngapain loe ketawa-ketawa sendiri kayak orang gila aja loe. Amin : Siapa yang gila, orang gue lagi ngebayangin waktu gue lagi liburan ke Bali. Badu : Loe pernah ke Bali? Bagus nggak Bali. Amin : Wah bagus banget. Loe mau ke Bali? Badu : Mau. Tapi gimana caranya? Amin : Wah gampang banget, gue tendang juga nyampe loe di Bali. Badu : Ach yang bener loe. Amin : Bener dech, ayo sini jongkok, nanti gue tendang sampe' dech loe di Bali. Si Badu ambil posisi jongkok, dan si Amin ambil ancang-ancang untuk nendang. Saat si Amin mau nendang si Badu, tiba-tiba si Badu menoleh sambil ngomong Badu : Jangan keras-keras ya nendangnya kalo keras-keras nanti sampe' di Timor Timur lagi. *** source: Donnie G [X] A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings! She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her. By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?" The fireman says, "No!" The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for." *** source: Cybercheeze A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" [buat yg "gak ngerti": penumpangnya mati gara2 jantungan setelah denger OH MY GOD] *** source: Cybercheeze [X] Final Exam The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers. === A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks' former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" *** source: Mertz Suatu hari terjadi pembicaraan antara Asep dan Tarris. Asep : Han, kamu tau nggak Tugu Monas itu bisa runtuh kalo mendengar anak menamgis. Taris : Ah, masa yang bener kamu... Asep : Iya, masa loe nggak percaya. Taris : Nggak, buktinya kemaren adik gue nangis waktu di monas nggak terjadi apa-apa. Asep : Iya, sayangnya Tugu Monas nggak bisa mendengar. *** source: MOeh Pada saat interview di sebuah perusahaan seorang karyawan yang bernama Taris dipanggil untuk diinterview ( wawancara ) oleh pemimpin perusahaan itu yang bernama Asep. " Siapa nama anda ?" tanya Asep sang direktur. " M. Taris Pak !" jawab sang karyawan. " Hei kalau berbicara dengan saya harus dengan kata "Tuan", mengerti ?!" hardik direktur. "Oh maaf Pak Asep, Nama saya Tuan M. Taris Pak !" jawab karyawan tersebut. "Haaahhh !!!" [sorry kalo garingz, kekeke...] *** Seorang laki-laki (L) yang masih terlihat gagah sudah lima tahun belum juga dikaruniai anak. Problem diantara pasangan tersebut memang ada di posisi pejantannya (Imp0ten). L : saya imp0ten, gimana caranya biar bisa punya anak ya? Te : wah nggak dari dulu ngasih tau L : M A L U Te : berangkat aja ke dokter spesialis di Osaka-Jepang di sana ada dokter ahli ngobati imp0ten L : Ok deh ! THX ! Mendengar anjuran temannya (T) itu langsung esok harinya tanpa basa-basi dia berangkat ke Osaka alone. Dengan percaya diri dan penuh keyakinan L pun menemui dokter specialis yang dimaksud. L berkonsultasi langsung tanpa rasa sungkan. L : Dok saya impoten, gimana caranya agar si adek bisa tegak....? d : mudah saja, cuman kamu hanya punya kesempatan 3 kali saja L : no problem! pokoknya bisa merasakan dan bisa punya anak dok....! Setelah selesai pemeriksaan dari ujung sampai ke ujung... akhirnya tiba pada puncaknya... L : mana dok kok belum juga bisa tegak? d : ada kuncinya, anda harus mengucapkan "KaMeha...Me..HA....!" Dengan semangatnya laki-laki tersebut mengucap seperti yang dokter maksud. Dalam hitungan seper detik langsung L terkejut..."Wow... endah...." L : Tapi...Gimana dok caranya agar bisa normal kembali, dok? d : ssssssttttttt....... Tiba-tiba normal deh.... Akhirnya dengan gembira laki-laki itu pun pulang dengan harapan bisa endah-endahan dengan istri tercinta nan cantik jelita. Perjalanan pulang... di dalam pesawat laki-laki itu ingin mencoba karena banyak pramugari cantik-cantik dan masih sisa 2 kali kesempatan. "KaMeha...Me..HA....!" wah asik bisa ngerasain orang normal nih..... dan kira-kira 10 menit diapun bosan, akhirnya "ssssssttttttt......." normal kembali deh. Setibanya di rumah sang istri telah menanti di tempat tidur dengan posisi yang menantang. Is : gimana say, sudah bisa dipake..... L : tenang aja deh..... kamu dah siap ? Is : siap say... ayok dong buruan (dengan penuh harapan bisa sukses dan bisa menjadi janin...semoga) L : KaMeha...Me..HA....!(dengan suara lantang dan bersemangat, jelas dong) Is : ssssssttttttt....... ah sayang jangan berisik dong ntar kedengeran tetangga lho... malukan..!!! (dengan penuh kasih sayang dia menasehati suaminya) L : Aduh..... ma.... kenapa kamu bilang "ssssssttttttt......." (dengan muka lemes, merah padam, dan pucat pasi) Kasian ya... nggak jadi punya anak deh mereka! *** source: Angfawan Semoga info ini berguna bagi temen-temen, baik yg punya HP atau yg akan beli HP sbg bahan pertimbangan..... 1. Tangkap pencuri HP, gebukin rame-rame trus bawa ke kantor polisi. 2. Pasang alarm sensor suara, infra red, getaran, ultrasonik dsb. di sekitar HP. 3. Kamuflase HP, misalnya dibungkus daun pisang, biar dikira pepesan. 4. Pakailah HP Siemens S4 (atau yang bentuknya seperti itu),trus taruh di dapur, pasti pencuri nyangka itu ulekan sambel. 5. Taruh HP di rumah, minta isteri kirim message lewat pager,supaya cepat-cepat pulang karena HP-nya bunyi. 6. Beli HP mainan di lampu merah, pajang di dashboard mobil,HP yang betulan diumpetin. 7. Pakai HP 3 in 1, maksudnya satu HP untuk tiga orang,disamping irit, banyak yang ngejagain dan juga bermanfaat untuk menjalin kekompakan antar teman, karena kemana-mana harus sama-sama. 8. Pilihlah HP model one touch & one button, biar pencuri bingung makainya. Kalau HP model begini nggak ada di pasaran, ya.. berarti memang belum diproduksi. 9. Pilihlah HP model lama yang ukurannya segede gajah. HP model begini akan gampang melacaknya, karena udah jarang yang punya. 10. Di rumah / di komplek, bikin siskamling antara sesama pemilik HP. 11. Jangan pakai HP. Pasti pencurinya akan nyolong yang lainnya. Jadi ikhlasin aja TV, kulkas,perhiasan dll. buat dicolong.Yang penting kan nggak kecolongan HP. 12. Minta sama tentara sedikit bahan peledak simtex (C4),letakkan di dalam HP anda, biarkan dicuri orang. Tunggu berita di koran, mengenai mayat tanpa kepala, pasti itu pencuri HP. 13. Pilih jenis HP yang menggunakan kabel (non-wireless). *** End of Jokes *** - koh fahmi - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Friendship MailingList is provided by PT Centrin Utama Maintained by : [EMAIL PROTECTED] To Post a msg : Mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED] To Unsubscribe : Mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED] . 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