I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>.
Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.
Document: draft-ietf-dime-rfc3588bis-25.txt
Reviewer: Francis Dupont
Review Date: 2010-10-27
IETF LC End Date: 2010-10-25
IESG Telechat date: unknown
Summary: Ready
Major issues: None
Minor issues: None
Nits/editorial comments:
Technical:
- 13 page 147: I have a concern about 'TLS or IPsec handshake' because
there is no such thing like 'IPsec handshake'. I suggest to ask IPsec
people to check if this must be changed and if yes to get a better
wording.
Large scope editial:
- Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments
(ToC page 6, A. page 152 and in the text itself, for instance 1 page 7
in Failover)
- i.e. -> i.e., (for instance 2.1 page 23, 5.6 page 69)
Editorial:
- 1.1.3 page 12: please expand CER ad CEA at their first use.
- 5.2 page 60: 'diameter.tls' -> 'diameter.tls.tcp'
(cf 11.6 page 145)
- 5.6 page 70: both ends moves -> both ends move
- 6.6 page 84: a non-routable messages. -> a non-routable message.
- 6.7.2 page 84: local state information of Diameter node ->
local state information of the Diameter node
- 6.7.4 page 85: by entities other Diameter entities. ->
by other Diameter entities.
- 6.11 page 86: a CER or CEA messages. -> a CER or CEA message.
- 7 page 91: A command is received that is missing AVP(s) that
(bad wording) -> A received command which is ...
- 7.1.5 page 96: (bad wording)
The Failed-AVP AVPs MUST be present which contains
- 7.1.5 page 97: avp -> AVP (in code 5014 description)
- 8 page 102: the applications itself -> the application itself
- 8.1 page 103: sessions maintains -> sessions maintain
- 8.1 pages 103 and 104: if it is possible I prefer:
Result-Code =
...
to
Result-Code
= ...
- 9.3 page 128 (Split): maybe -> may be
- 9.6 page 131: [Acct-]Multi-Session- Id -> [Acct-]Multi-Session-Id
- Authors' page 158: ITU TS E.123 mandates a '+' before country code
(i.e., +33 for France, +1 for USA and Canada, etc)
Spelling:
reauthentication -> re-authentication
Regards
francis.dup...@fdupont.fr
PS: I heavily used the IETF diff tool so bad wordings could be inherited
from RFC 3588.
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