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I have given some thought to Dr. Carmo D'Cruz's suggestion that Goa
murderers be crucified in a public place until they foam and froth at
the mouth and then have their organs harvested. And I have come to the
conclusion that notwithstanding the merits of the punishment, with a
little international co-operation the actual operation is quite
feasible.
Since no court in India will be willing to pass such a sentence, the
judges can sit in Indian Harbor Beach which having the name "Indian"
will satisfy legal jurisdictional requirements. I presume Dr. D'Cruz
can find a public place on the beach or elsewhere (the harbor will do)
so that people can be reminded of Goa beaches or harbors and therefore
Goa where the crime actually took place.
We will have to bring in my aunt, Visitation Noronha. She makes the
most god-awful sorpotel and sannas that are guaranteed to make
hardened criminals froth at the mouth in case the cricifixion itself
can't do the trick. She will gladly oblige if you tell her that I, her
favorite nephew am the target for her culinary delights.
Next call in the Ku Klux Klan. Alabama not being too far away from
Florida, they will come in their crisp white cloaks and hoods and
bring the required cross or crosses. However, they must be told that
it is a crucifixion and not the inquisition, as they are wont to burn
their crosses.
Enter the Philippine Good Friday crowd. They are famous for nailing
living people's hands and feet to the cross without killing them in
the process. They will also bring in their goodlooking Filipinas in
short skirts and T-shirts with slogans like Touch 'Em, They're Real
emblazoned across the front to add a touch of levity to the gathering.
Invite Idi Amin's grandson. I hear he has had much exposure to the
Dada's habit of cutting up his enemies and eating their organs with
relish. He has to be politely reminded that the ultimate destination
of the organs is harvesting, not eating.
Last but not least important, we have to bring in the Saudis. They pay
big bucks to have their pickled livers replaced, not to mention their
stoned kidneys and their hearts of which they have little or none.
Since oil is now hovering at the 70 dollar barrel mark they will shell
out enough to adequately finance this whole exercise.
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