It's raining 'men'! My Goan heart bleeds for Calcutta By Cecil Pinto
Columnist Sudeep Chakravarti interviews journalist turned author Cecil Pinto on his latest book "Once Upon A Time In Kalikata". Sudeep: The blurb on your book says that you "evoke the essence of a city on the verge of losing its soul". But Kolkata has survived many such doomsayers and continues to be the City of Joy. Cecil: So now you are the Voice of Calcutta? Mithun Chakraborty, Bengali actor and former naxalite, agrees with my views. So there! Sudeep: Talking of naxalites your previous book, "Red Mud" is acclaimed as a fine piece of writing about the ill effects of mining in Goa. Wasn't there some mention of naxalism there? Cecil: No there wasn't. The bogey of naxalism was raised by Manohar Parrikar but aggravated by your fellow Bong journalist settled in Goa, Sujay Gupta. At least he doesn't claim to be more Goan than the Goans. Sudeep: Your first novel "Fresh Fish", set in a rural middle-class school, is considered a fantastic coming of age novel. It has an understated poignancy and wisdom which this new book lacks. Cecil: Fresh Fish was an authorbiographical book. That's why it rings true. I'm not very good at pure fiction. Sudeep: Surely you mean autobiographical? Cecil: No I mean authorbiographical. It is a term I have invented to describe a genre where the author presents a dramatised and fictionalised account of his own life. He may or may not use his own name for the character. Fresh Fish was essentially my school life. Sudeep: So why didn't you write Once Upon A Time In Kalikata in the same style? There is obviously very little engagement with the characters this time around. Cecil: I wanted to tell many stories I had heard from other people. I wanted to cast aspersions on some people. I wanted to check out some of my conspiracy theories by throwing a few baits. Each character in this book is based on two or three real life characters. That's why they don't feel real. I wanted to show how clever I am at playing with names. Very little in this novel is first hand… Sudeep: Yes that shows. Perhaps you were trying a Dan Brown technique of using religious shock value to get readers. Maybe that explains why throughout the book you refer to a sacred female deity, Goddess Durga, in a very casual and in fact derogatory way? Cecil: No. That was a genuine mistake. It was only brought to my attention after the book launch. An unintentional cultural gaffe if you will. Sudeep: But surely there are expert editors to take care of these things? In your acknowledgements you mention many Bongs who helped you to understand Calcutta and Bengalis and phraseology and translation and… Cecil: Well except for that Durga thing I got everything else right, and I don't need you to authenticate anything! Sudeep: Ha! Almost all your Bong characters speak a pidgin English I have never heard in a lifetime in Calcutta. Cecil: Have you heard Utpal Dutt in Gol Maal? Sudeep: He was playing a part, for heavens sake. And one person speaking a pidgin English is different from almost every Bong in your book speaking a language which sounds more like Bandra-Catholic-English than anything I've ever heard. "What, men? I'm dere no, men. Dat true id-jut? Dis ting, men. Annuder Indu God, brudder? What men bugger? Dis men, dat men." Why have you caricaturised most Bongs into some typical stereotypical pidgin speaking idiot that seem to exist only in your Goan head? We Bongs might literally translate from Bengali to English but we do not speak pidgin English! Cecil: Are you denying that all Bongs use Keo Karpin hair oil, eat murighonto made of fish heads, carry a cloth jhola bag, wear a monkey cap and spout Rabindrasangeet? Sudeep: Hello. Here I am, as Bong as anyone. Do I do all these things? Your presumptions make me sick. Cecil: Since when are you the representative of all Bongs? And talking of sickness, as my book clearly shows, you Bongs cannot reply to a polite 'How are you?' without an obnoxious explanation of your ulcers and piles and burning sensations and bowel movements. All of which of course can be cured with Gelusil, Pudin Hara and Mustard Oil. Sudeep: Let's change the topic. Naming your fictitious area in Calcutta as Gomorraha is very offensive; specially considering you took it as the shortening of the name of a deity. Cecil: Well at least the part about every fourth Bong being named Dabashis is true. And that every Bong in addition to the 'good' name has a pet name like Montu, Dinku, Shontuda or Protima, Shampa, Champa and Tuktuki. Sudeep: Eeeesh! Cecil: And you will also deny that all Bong parents focus their children's entire education, marriage and career towards a Nobel Prize, Oscar Award or Indian Cricket Team Capitancy? Eta shotti hocchhe?! Sudeep: Kee Kando! Cecil: Aren't all your women large eyed and curvaceous. I mean see Bipasha Basu, Pooja Bedi, Konkona Sen Sharma, Rani Mukherji, Raakhee, Sushmita Sen and even Rahul Bose. Sudeep: Ta kei ami attack korte cheyechhi? Cecil: Not at all. I am just defending my book. Isn't it true you Bongs like your lungis so much that you play cricket and football wearing them, and now are even planning a lungi clad Mt. Everest expedition where there will be a Quiz Contest? Sudeep: I protest at all this stereotyping! Cecil: That also. Get two Bongs together and they have a protest march. Industrial strikes and political bandhs, that pretty much defines your social life, when you're not discussing literature while clustered at addas. Sudeep: Aaaaarggghhh!! Cecil: What are you groaning about? You Bongs think that India is a separate country. But then, come to think of it, we are similar in many ways too. Bongs and Goans. Sudeep: That's what I was getting to. You might not have got your Ps and Qs correct in the book but we Bongs and you Goans share a love of the Ps and Ms. Cecil: What's that? Sudeep: Phish, Phootball, Phestibal, Mangsho which means meat, and Mod which is alcohol. Cecil: Now that's an interesting angle for my book sequel, "Goan Goan Bong!" ----------- The column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 18th September 2008. -----------
