Dear Querobino, I can only sense Vivian A. DSouza's anguish. While your questions are sincere and very reasonable, they cannot be easily answered. I cannot give you the "Other side" of the story but would still like to attempt response to your qestions. There are also more than two sides to a story, and I will be presenting the third side. I am also not a parent, but happen to know quite a few children, who are in touch with me, so know more than a thing or two. The parenting skills of the mothers cannot be entirely faulted. Incidentaly, Westerners happen to have relatively nuanced parenting skills than Goa parents. Westerners are also very trusting, they do trust Goans, and much has befallen them in recent times on account of that trust. They could very well be impressed or thrilled that people from political affiliations are showing them the time, and including them in their mileu. Also people come from various walks of life, and friendship when shown or discovered is reciprocated, but also quite often manipulated and misued. Most people come to India for an experience, and very often they loose themselves in collecting experiences. This is like a desi parent telling their child, "Beti, just say please, excuse me and thank you to them.. Han bus, these people will eat out of your hand." So the child develops double standards, and knows how to get something -- a kind of "collecting." The problem starts when they marry the nicest guy or girl, and one among them has to literally change their mental makeup on no account of their fault -- taking into consideration that, in marriage changes may be expected.
Now take this with a pich of salt: If one has had a chance to observe Western children beig raised from birth to adolescence -- when they wake up to when they go to sleep one learns a lot about the parenst and the famly. They are a lot less stick-and-rod disciplinarians in their approach, and having said that, there are many Goans who have learnt a lot of good things by being abroad as well as those in Goa who have developed their own techniques. Besides as there are children, there are families from various strata of society. We only get to see a little, hear a little. Every couple does not take a holiday together. Some are free birds or scholars, or writers of varying strength, travellers, explorers, and yes adventurers; they are often single, having moved aways from the men in their lives, or the men have been absent for a while. They keep track with each other via the ubiquitous phone call, and very often their children turn out rather well. All children are not the same. Their motivations and interests are different. We do not commonly hear of Indian children aspiring to get to Julliard to study dance -- ballet, jazz, tap, flamenco or modern. This is very rare. I point this out to say that the Western being has a range of interests and obsessions commensurate with what their societies develop and throw at them, and are in a sense better equipped to function in the Western culture. There is a different dynamic, a peculiar trust, an interest in learning and picking up things from other cultures that is often lacking in the Indians I have known. To continue further we are commonly equipped to do things that make our parents proud at a child being say a successful MBA/surgeon/applications engineer (insert occupation of choice), rather than having chosen some other non-traditional path. But everything has a price. In Goa the Western female could pay a price at the hands of "bamte desi" sniffers who literally cherish their flesh and bodies, or money or their being. But many chalk that to an experience if it all works out well, and it is just that an experience. Its the younger ones who get trapped. In fact the rabid among our own would rather wish to devour them. By the time the trusting, or egalitarian, or even very open Westerners realize this, they are often toast. But they also know how to pick up the pieces and move. The shaping of sexuality and sexualities as arising along with the nexus of power, wealth and apetites is often deadly. Whereas one may wish to explore the properties and colors of a no-hangups sexuality in its openes and a liberal framework, others are seek to prey upon them. Explore and explode. Explore and impode. Now, onto the topic of Goan men, and "what is it about these foreign girls that brings out the worst among our young Goan men?" No, these are no Lilith's. It is not as though the young foreign women who our guys are drawn to, are temptresses or necessarily femme fatales. Lets continue to stick with Goan men here; in other circumstances men are forcing themselves on their daughters and their daughter-in-laws, as are brother-in-laws to the sister-in-laws. This is happening in Goa. Goans are aware of this and know this. This is not a state secret. So what is it, or what is all this about? Is it developing tastes for things beyond ones control? In the Bible we come across many such stories, as we do in books of other religions. But are we really out of control. Do we not see ourselves in the eyes of those women. It is not just about desiring the exotic or to cherish and grow together, even if it be a fling that one could remember in latter years -- but an earnest desire to rip asunder, much as we see children and even adults stone and kick dogs, toss cats, bash rats, behead cockroaches, delimb grasshoppers, or tear the wings of butterflies. For that matter what makes an alleged individual of the youth wing of a political party atatck the sacred person (if we are indeed 36 crores of deities/demi-gods) of a Cheryl or a nine-year old Dora. It it not only money. What awaits them next? In essense it is misogyny. More on this as others contribute to our understanding over the next few years. I used to always put up a fight in all the schools I studied at when boys and later young men would brag what they did (as in slept, or perhaps nothing much) or could do with any given female. I simply would not let it sit, saying -- how would they feel if they heard someone saying they had made it out with their sister. I had made up my mind, if I was going to go down for questioning them, then I would be taking at least one of them with me into the after life. Ethel Da Costa's recent article, "God is Courage and Creativity" talks about developing courage. A small except below from her piece that is worth looking into, towards non-violent intercession. "Courage is a strength that can be developed, says philosopher Mary Daly, "I think you guard against decay, in general, and stagnation, by moving, by continuing to move. And with courage. Courage is like -- it's a habitus, a habit, a virtue: you get it by courageous acts." Lest we have forgotten, and excuse me for quoting verbatim and pulling out scripture: Because you have done this, cursed shall you be. On your belly shall you crawl, and dust shall you eat. I shall put enmity between you and the seed of the woman. Worth a thought. Just because here is goddxem, does not mean one should eat it and them blame it for having turned into an emetic. I am hopeful that others will provide more cogent responses. Venantius __________________________________________________________________ > From: "Querobino Fernandes" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Subject: Re: [Goanet] Statutory rape in Goa > > I fully agree with Vivian. Is there anyone out there who can give us the > ""Other side" of the story? > Querobino > > On Thu, Oct 23, 2008 at 6:38 PM, Vivian A. DSouza <[EMAIL PROTECTED] > >wrote: > > > While not condoning the heinous crimes of rapes against young underaged > > foreign girls in > > Goa, I cannot help but wonder about the parenting skills of the mothers > of > > these young girls. How are these young girls allowed to be in situations > > where they can be taken advantage of. ? And where are the fathers of > > these young girls ? And what is it about these foreign girls that brings > > out the worst among our young Goan men ? I feel a great deal of anguish > > that the fair name of our beloved Goa is tainted with such sordid > incidents. > > Clearly there is a lot more to the stories than we hear from the press. > > There is always two sides to every story and I am not sure we are getting > > all the facts. > > >