The Joy of Snogging Private and Public Displays of Affection By Cecil Pinto
Lisa Monteiro (LM) speaks to Cecil Pinto (CP) about his new bestselling book ‘The Joy of Snogging’. LM: The Sri Ram Sena and Shiv Sena have objected to Public Displays of Affection or PDAs. The Pub-Going, Loose, Forward Women sent them pink chaddis in response. Where do we go from here? CP: Hello! I thought this interview was about my book? LM: I’m just trying to establish your expertise on matters of relationships and sexuality among young adults. CP: Ok. Before I say what I have to… if the various cultural and moral policing Senas want to assault me in a pub I demand that at least three local and one national TV crew be present. If the Forward Women want to send me pink chaddis please make sure, hold on, I have my wife’s wish list here, ok, make sure they are good brands like Lovable, Jockey, Triumph or Vanity Fair. Quite frankly I gave no problem with Public Displays of Affection, or PDAs, but within limits. A young college-going couple holding hands while walking and chattering away on 18th June Road is a delight to see. The sight of an almost-married couple sitting together lovingly and watching the sunset at the Kala Academy warms the heart. A middle-aged couple brushing lips while being serenaded in a restaurant brings a gentle tear to the eye. These are aesthetic and acceptable PDAs. LM: What then is not acceptable? CP: The other day I took my young kids to the high point at the Dona Paula Jetty to enjoy the panoramic view. There was a young couple there snogging on a bench. By snogging I mean caressing, cuddling, fondling, hugging, petting, smooching, snuggling, necking… you get the idea. They are entwined round each other, kissing and grasping away, clothed but with full body contact, in full public view. So many questions come to mind. What do I explain to my kids? Is it ethical to ask the couple to stop? What if the guy is bigger and better muscled than me? Can’t they go somewhere private? How do I get a closer look? And most important - can they object to me recording them on my mobile and uploading the clip to You Tube? LM: But it is also contextual. In a darkened discotheque you can expect couples to be in advanced stages of smooching… CP: Yes, but to see a couple at Campal Children’s Park indulging in heavy petting in broad daylight is quite an affront to the senses. Or am I being a prude? We have No Parking zones and No Horn zones, so it shouldn’t be very difficult to implement a No Snogging zone in public places. For that matter even in private places, similar to No Smoking areas in restaurants and… LM: But how do we legally define ‘snogging’? CP: Zoologist and anthropologist Desmond Morris defined the twelve stages of physical intimacy or bonding: Eye to Body, Eye to Eye, Voice to Voice, Hand to Hand, Hand to Shoulder, Hand to Waist, Face to Face, Hand to Head… the last few steps are progressively sexual and intensely personal. Hence they should not be allowed in the public domain especially where children can be expected to be present. Authorities can also be armed with diagrams of the male and female bodies with the erogenous zones marked out. Any groping beyond certain delineated areas could lead to a stiff fine. Authorities could carry digital cameras with a good optical zoom to record the infraction as evidence. LM: Are there colloquial terms for the varying stages of physical intimacy? CP: In the USA males use baseball metaphors. So when you come back from a date you boast of having got to First Base, Second Base, Third Base or having scored a Home Run. With First Base being kissing I am sure you will be able to figure out that a Home Run involves going all the way. In Konkani we have an equivalent idiom, ‘char annyank mosco, att annyank chopko, rupyeak dhopko’. This literally translates as ‘butter for four annas, a grab for eight annas and a bang for a buck’. Go figure! LM: Let’s move now beyond enforcement of public propriety and look at the moral and practical dilemmas facing teenagers, young adults, and sometimes their parents. What constitutes making-out and what constitutes foreplay? CP: To my mind when a semi-sexual activity is taken as an end on its own then it can safely be termed as making-out. Foreplay as the word suggests is a forerunner to immediate sexual intercourse and is not always acceptable by our society’s norms - outside of marriage or at least when children are still under parental control. When you’re an adult earning your own living and staying in your own pad, quite frankly you can foreplay all you want – if you can find the time after a hard days’ work! LM: We are running out of space. Do tell us about your book, ‘The Joy of Snogging’. CP: Finally, my book. You see Lisa, parents of post-pubescent children through the centuries have grappled with the problem of explaining what is acceptable sexual behavior and what is not. You have the two extremes. The Birds and Bees type books explain the concept of sex in a very cut-and-dried way with an emphasis on mechanisms and biology rather than the concept of sexuality. On the other extreme you have the Kama Sutra in Posed Photographs or the Fully Illustrated Joys of Sex which are aimed at mature couples within a relationship – and having a comfortable private place to practice. What then do the in-betweens do? My book tries to resolve the complexities they face. It blatantly explains what making-out is all about and how it can be a pleasurable activity quite by itself, not necessarily leading to full intercourse. LM: How are sales of the book doing? CP: Quite frankly my book is flying off the shelves. I had anticipated young adults buying it. But rather I am seeing parents buying it to give their hormonally confused children who are on the verge of becoming sexually active. I get letters from parents everyday, thanking me for showing their children that making-out doesn’t necessarily involve putting-out. --------------- The column above appeared in Gomantak Times dated 26th February 2009 =======
