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CROSS<+>ROADS:
Art thou lonely, O my brother?
Share thy little with another! Stretch a hand to one unfriended, And the loneliness is ended. - William Arthur Dunkerley We very well know that, we are all, each and every one of us, completely and irrevocably alone. No matter how many friends a person may have, nor how close those friends may be, it does not change this thought or fact, if you will � that we are each an entity unto ourselves.
I�m sure that many, if not all of you have experienced the dismal feeling of being more alone in a crowded room than when you were actually physically alone.. I�ve mentioned close friends, but the same goes for relatives; even someone as close to you as your husband or wife. There is always something that just cannot be communicated to anyone � something that cannot be put into words, or just too personal to confide in others. Probably a thousand people have greeted you this last year with the question, �How are you?� Have you ever answered that question literally? In other words, really told these people how you are? Told them about your personal aches and pains, about the trouble at your job or at home? If you have, you may have noticed a subtle glazing of your acquaintance�s eyes
after a few moments. Perhaps they got a bit fidgety, and probably left you talking to yourself after a while. Because, don�t you see, people aren�t really interested. Your troubles and problems are yours my friend, and nobody else really cares. You know why, don�t you? Because they all have problems of their own.
Certainly theirs are more important to them than yours, and conversely, nobody�s problems are quite so important or imperative to you as are your own.. I�ve told you, and I�m sure you agree, that we are all completely alone, but there is a way, a comparatively simple way to relieve that loneliness just a bit. And that is to overcome the overpowering dictates of the great �Private I.� Most of us are so firmly imprisoned in that seemingly escape-proof cell of ego, that dark, despairing dungeon of selfishness, that we tend to believe that the entire world revolves around �me.� This is an all-too common ailment, this Private �I� complex, but it can be, shall we say, arrested, if not completely cured! How? Simply by being interested in others.
Now is that such a difficult pill to swallow in order to alleviate such a painful disease? Of course not, although it�s not quite so easy as it sounds. At first you will probably have to force yourself to be interested in others, pulling your interest away from yourself, your problems, your cares, is like pulling two powerful magnets apart, but you can do it! Force it for a while, and I think you�ll be surprised to find that in a short time you actually will be interested in others. It may help you to do this if you make a habit of trying to think of the other person as another �I,� instead of �he, she or they.� I know that this is a large dose to swallow; it�s a concept that almost goes against nature, but try it. You needn�t be afraid, you�ll never really be able to completely stop thinking of yourself; and I doubt if it would be a wise thing even if you could. Selfishness used intelligently can be a good force, but identifying yourself with others will tend to relieve that momentous loneliness.
Yes � this does involve doing things for others too, if you are really interested in others welfare; you will want to do things for them. Leo Tolstoy said, �We love people not for what they can do for us, but for what we can do for them.� Tolstoy knew what he was talking about. Many others, all certainly more knowledgeable than I, have said repeatedly that the only way to be happy is to try to make others happy. Dr. Albert Schweitzer said that in so doing we find �our secret source of true peace and lifelong satisfaction.� To my mind, it all boils down to doing something about that ever-present individual loneliness. You�ll never be so close to anyone as when you are doing something for them with no other motive than their happiness and welfare.
Best wishes to all,
Sanny Vaz's most viewed article on Gulf-Goans e-Newsletter
can be read at:
CASTE AND CREED AMONG GOANS
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