"SHORT OF MONEY, BUT STILL A MILLIONAIRE"
If you're always thinking about money -- making it, saving
it, investing it -- you may be surprised to learn that human
beings weren't always obsessed with it. In fact, the concept
of money didn't even exist for millions of years, not until
it was introduced to the world by a great thinker: Hongah
the caveman. Widely considered the greatest inventor of his
time, he never seemed to run out of ideas and was twice
named "Caveman of the Year."
One fine afternoon, Hongah spotted his neighbor Oongah
returning from the forest with an antelope slung over his
shoulder. It suddenly occurred to Hongah that perhaps he
could "pay" for some fresh meat, so he ran to Oongah and
handed him a bunch of leaves. Mulberry leaves from the tree
Hongah shook every morning for breakfast.
Oongah looked confused: why was Hongah giving him these
leaves? Did he think that Oongah needed to do his business?
Didn't he know that fig leaves were softer on the bottom?
Trying to be polite, Oongah didn't say anything, just folded
the leaves and stuck them in his armpit. Then he continued
to walk home, wondering if Hongah had finally used up his
brain. To Oongah's surprise, Hongah kept following him,
yelling at the top of his lungs, "Me pay you, me eat meat.
Me want receipt, too."
Oongah did not know what "pay" and "receipt" meant. They
must be some of those fancy concepts that Hongah kept making
up, such as "democracy," "monogamy" and "bathing." But he
did notice that Hongah looked hungry -- he was drooling like
a dog -- so Oongah thought this would be a good opportunity
to ask Hongah for something. He bent over and drew an
outline in the sand, an outline of Hongah's talkative
daughter, Oprah. Adored throughout the land, she had the
gift of gab and never stopped talking, even after her
audience had gone home. She was the reason Oongah couldn't
get any sleep at night. He kept thinking of her. "Oongah and
Oprah" had a nice ring to it. How wonderful it would be to
have her in his cave. After returning from a hunt, he could
put her in one corner, relax on a rock and watch her all
night. Was there anything better than watching Oprah
talking?
Hongah knew immediately what Oongah desired. Though he
didn't want to give Oprah to a brute like Oongah, he was
willing to listen to Oongah's offer. So he held out his
hands as if to say, "How much?" Oongah decided to be direct:
He pointed at the animal hanging from his shoulder and said,
"Five bucks."
Oongah was shocked. Five bucks? That was too little, an
insult to his daughter. She's worth a million bucks, he
thought. He grunted at Oongah and stomped away in the
direction of the mulberry tree.
As time went by, Hongah began to see the limitations of any
monetary system. Leaves were no good, because it was
important for parents to be able to tell their children that
"money does not grow on trees." Leaves were too common,
anyway. Everyone would have them and nothing would separate
the filthy rich from just the filthy.
Bucks would make a better currency, but Hongah knew a
lot of people who were quite happy without bucks. He had
even thought of a name for them: vegetarians.
His biggest worry was that people would start measuring
their lives solely in terms of bucks. They would do anything
to make a quick buck. They would feel worthless if they
didn't have enough bucks -- even if they had things that
were worth a million bucks, things such as health, freedom,
friendship, and a talkative daughter.
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