For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? 
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know 
Jack Schitt!" 

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an 
intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe 
Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of 
Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. 

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple 
produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull 
Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. 

Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, 
a high school dropout. 

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt 
later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, 
she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as 
Noe Schitt Sherlock. 

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with 
a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. 

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were 
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers
in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced 
the Schitt-Happens nuptials. 

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, 
the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from 
Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. 

Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct 
them. 

THE END

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