Ah.... Forgot to include CRLF's did we...? -----Original Message----- From: IBM Mainframe Discussion List [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Matthew Stitt Sent: Tuesday, August 09, 2005 4:56 PM To: IBM-MAIN@BAMA.UA.EDU Subject: You might be a mainframer if... :-) V3.8
When someone mentions green card, you don't think of immigration You understand the significance of version 3.8 You think of DASD not DISK You know what a disk pack is When someone mentions RENT you don't think of housing expense You know that WAD has nothing to do with gum You think that fixed font, green on black is an ideal programming environment You know where "pluckin' and shuckin'" really came from (and wish you didn't) You know that the head of string is not an HR position You think of DASD when someone mentions string You don't trust any machine you can lift or step over You remember when your computer had an air bag in it (and a compressor to inflate it) You understand how a computer can work better with 30 gallons of water in it You know that a functional recovery routine is not physical therapy You know what load unit dials are, and how to use them You know why BALR 14,14 works like it does You don't consider channels something on TV or part of a product distribution system You remember punched cards and why they were called unit records You know what a drum card is You know that a DASD FARM isn't where little DASDs grow You know CORE is in an apple.. mainframes use monolithic memory these days You DO know what CORE memory was You understand why 31bit addressing and not 32bit You know that DEBE does everything but eat You spell "kicks" CICS You can make a sentence out of all acronyms, and your peers will understand it perfectly Your computer has always been made up of multiple processors You can recite at least three meanings for the ISC acronym You remember having to press REQUEST on the console You know the keystroke for EOB (Alt + 5) You know domains were something that Amdahl invented You know that REUS is not waste recycling You know that a Coupling Facility has nothing to do with the railroad You know that a control register has nothing to do with Point Of Sale When someone says prism, you're not thinking of light diffraction If someone mentions a "pizza oven" you don't immediately think of food You know the difference between UNI, MP, AP, and SMP You think of availability in terms of end user access to applications, not just recovering to the C:> prompt You consider most horizontal scaling clustering to just be wanna-be's You remember HIPO and know that it's not a zoo animal You know why you can't pop address plugs across strings You know why blue cables and not grey You know what CUU means You know what DISOSS is and it doesn't scare you You don't have to be told when to press the Enter key You don't spend hours looking for the "ANY" key You know who "the BUNCH" were (Burroughs, Univac, NCR, CDC and Honeywell) You know that SPOOL is an acronym (Simultaneous Peripheral Operations Online) You don't think that address space is an area on an envelope You've successfully used PSW RESTART You know what Reset, Load, Rewind, Start had to do with You understand the benefits of connection-based communication architectures You know that TSO TEST could not test everthing You know that just because your manager wrote some code, that didn't make it authorized You know that AC(1) had nothing to do with room temperature You know that Carrier Sense Multiple Access / Collision Detect is how a token succeeds in life. You know the relative merits of Count Key Data and Relative Block Addressing You know that //EOJ is not a web address. You know what IEFBR14 does and how many APARs were taken on it (4) You now what an APAR is (Authorized Program Analysis Report) You know that DITTO is an acronym. For DOS, no, not that DOS, the other DOS. (IBM Data Interfile Transfer, Testing, and Operations Utility). You know that FS didn't take over from the mainframe, but became a pretty good System/38. You don't understand all the furor about security... it's a given You think that two computers that can't share the same data for update is silly and archaic You know what Select Out Bypass is You know that BUS and TAG aren't children's games You know that SPIE and STAE are not commands for your pet You know that SPIE is not espionage You know that FETCH Protect isn't a way to keep your dog from getting to the bone stash You think that all systems should be able to run at 100% 24x7 without having issues You know that 24x7x365 was coined by someone who didn't understand math You don't find 6 months of continuous up-time without having to restart the system as unusual You don't "boot" a system, you IPL it You don't know what throwing an exception means, but do know what an abend code is about You think that all the bits of a word should represent a numerical value the same way it's written... high order on the left You know the difference between single and multi-mode fibre cable and where to use which You can create a tape backup of something and know you can read it back on another machine You think nothing of sharing a database between transactional and batch work, and maintiaining response time Creating a 2 billion row operational, transactional database capable of sustaining thousands of transactions per second doesn't even warrant a raised eyebrow You can state, with accuracy, how busy your machine is You can tell who used what resources on your machine, and when Somone says "sigh" and you think SIE When something has a problem, you know documentation will be available to solve that problem You don't understand why other people in IT don't understand what an LPAR is You think that OSA isn't a Japanese word You understood the value of Token Ring You know that FDDI is just Token Ring on glass Your program don't track no steeenking rodent You logON to a system, you don't logIN You know how to find out what maintenance is on your system, definitively If someone mentions BDAM, you know they're not swearing You know your machine knew how to "phone home" way before E.T. You can find data, because you know it's pointed to by a catalog You know that GOO VOO is not part of a 50's "oldies" song You remember when computers had lots of blinking lights, and know what they meant You know what a "tape ape" is You can explain the phrase "no ring, no write" Virtualization is not a new term to you You actually used report writer to write a report You know that PTF's might come after your APAR. You think you can fix the jam in the MFCM If you remember the sequence PCP, MFT, MVT. If you keep a FLOWCHARTING TEMPLATE (GX20-8020-2) in your desk drawer. If you know that much of FORTRAN was writen in FORTRAN!! If you know what the BOMB is that the CE picked up from the airport (core memory tester- SIMM ) If you still carry a "HEX" TI calculator You know how to "SUPERZAP" You know what MIPS originally meant, and can explain why it doesn't mean that today You know that IEF, IEB, IDC, IEA aren't names of consulting firms You don't think the reader is a newspaper You know what green-bar is You know that a data cell is not a jail for data... well, maybe You don't think about running daily anti-virus scans, and still feel safe You don't think of JECL as the other personality of Hyde You know what packed decimal means You can spell anything in eight characters To you, COND EQUAL is not ambiguous COND ONLY makes perfect sense You know that Super Zap isn't a sports drink You know what a VTOC is You expect applications that fail to "clean up" after themselves You know that IEHIBALL is not a computer utility You know that MIDAW is not a medical remidy Your remember MG sets and PCDUs You think all computers belong on a raised floor You've ever written a CCW string You know what PCI code is You remember belt-driven disk drives You know DOS runs on a S/360, not on an Intel machine You understand the relevance of Fredrick P. Brooks' essays You know that PCP is an operating system, not a recreational pharmaceutical You know what a puddle of oil on the floor next to your 2311 or 2314 meant You think of a boot as half of a pair of footgear You remember when your computer had an alarm bell or horn in it You know what happened if the printer "tape" broke. You know what a printer tape is You know what happened when you forgot to put a punch in channel 12 on above tape You know why not to put your cup of coffee (or other) on top of a 1403 printer You know the history of JES2 and JES3 and why you were a JES2 or JES3 bigot. You know that "bursting" is not an explosive result You know what decollating is You know that ASP is not a snake, and has nothing to do with the WWW You know that HASP isn't something to keep the barn door closed You know why VM programmers disliked MVS ( it had something to do with it being harder to spell) You knew what a "chad" was before the 2000 elections You convinced your manager that there was an op code called "Eject Chad Box" when said box spilled on the floor You know why to punch sequence numbers in a card deck You know what happens when someone tried to re-sequence a deck after it was dropped, not knowing there were several phases all having been punched with the same sequence numbers You know that command chaining was not a management technique to get more work out of people You know that POPS is neither a beverage or a frozen novelty You know what a TNL is and how to inser one You know that REXX is not your dog's name You named your dog REXX You thought nothing of running hundreds to thousands of time sharing users on a 1MB system You've replaced the typeball on a 1052 console with an APL one, just to freak out the operators You know what a rotate tape is You know that being disabled for interrupts is not a handicap, unless you're in a wait state You know that a DERF bit is not a spongey play toy Your computer has a real SILI bit You think of bandwidth in terms of MegaBYTES and not Megabits You know that OSA is not a strange Star Wars charcter trying to say something You've spent hours arguing with your peers about the fastest way to clear a register You know where the GVRFLB (pronounced guver-flub) is located You know that "The BLOB" is not a Sci-Fi monster You know that MAS has nothing to do with religion, or your mother You know that Replicate Imbed has nothing to do with sex You've found yourself with friends singing songs extolling MVS or JES after 10:30 PM in a strange city You really thought long and hard about naming your dog FICON Your vanity plate says MIPS-R-US A day at 90% utilization is just another (easy) day You think that one TCP/IP stack is just not enough You aspire to DIM COBOL is not a foreign language for you You know that USS reduced the void with "them" You know what TCO is and what to do about it You can chargeback You don't think of SPECTRA as having anything to do with early spy movies You remember GECOS You can watch the highest priority work in your system get dispatched behind the lowest and be way relaxed Your CE is a trusted professional, not a toy operating system You don't think twice about running OLTP and BI in the same database You know that RISC means Really Important Stuff is in the Compiler You think RISC is something to be minimized You know that CISC means Crazy Instruction Set Cruncher (just kidding... but we could start a rumor!) It has never even occurred to you to run just ONE application on ONE machine You know the difference between 3-tier logical and 3-tier physical application architecture You remember 1964 for the S/360 and not the Mustang You know that NIP is not racially derogatory You don't go to the Catalog to order items for the house You use version control for a list like this You thought that creating or reading this list was fun ---------------------------------------------------------------------- For IBM-MAIN subscribe / signoff / archive access instructions, send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the message: GET IBM-MAIN INFO Search the archives at http://bama.ua.edu/archives/ibm-main.html -- No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. 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