I've been resisting the temptation, because it's a repeat, but it's still a good one:
/* Joke begins */ Jack was a COBOL programmer in the late 1990s who (after years of being treated as a technological dinosaur by all the UNIX programmers, Client/Server programmers, website developers etc) was finally getting some respect: He'd become a private consultant specializing in Year-2000 conversions. He was working short-term assignments for prestigious companies, traveling all over the world on different assignments. He was working 70- and 80- and even 90-hour weeks, but it was worth it. However, several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken its toll on Jack. He had problems sleeping and began having anxiety dreams about the year 2000. It had reached a point where even the thought of the year 2000 made him nearly violent. He must have suffered some sort of breakdown, because all he could think about was how he could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with it. Near the end of 1998 Jack had decided to contact a company that specialized in cryogenics. He made a deal to have himself frozen until 2001 through their totally automated (and very expensive) process. He was thrilled. The next thing he would know, he'd wake up in the year 2001 -- after the New Year celebrations and computer debacles, and after the dust had settled. Nothing else to worry about except getting on with his life. He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare minimum, and that was that. The next thing Jack saw was an enormous room filled with excited people. They were all shouting "I can't believe it!" and "It's a miracle" and "He's alive!". There were odd-looking cameras and equipment that looked like it came out of a science-fiction movie. Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "It's over?" he asked. "Is 2001 already here? Are all the millennial parties and promotions and crises all over and done with?" The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle. It hadn't been year-2000 compliant; it was actually 8000 years later, not the year 2001. But the spokesman told Jack that he shouldn't get excited; someone important wanted to speak to him. Suddenly a wall-sized projection screen displayed the image of a man that had a striking resemblance to Bill Gates. This man was Prime Minister of Earth. He told Jack not to be upset - that this was a wonderful time to be alive. There was world peace and no more starvation. The space program had been reïnstated and there were colonies on the moon and on Mars. That technology had advanced to such a degree that everyone had virtual-reality interfaces that allowed them to contact anyone else on the planet, or to watch any entertainment, or to hear any music recorded anywhere. "That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But I'm curious: Why is everybody so interested in me?" "Well," said the Prime Minister. "The year 10 000 is just around the corner, and it says in your files you know COBOL..." /* Joke ends */ I've always had a problem with one detail. After 8000 years Jack is talking to the PM of Earth? PM of the galaxy, I'd have thought. Colonies on the moon and Mars? After that amount of time I'd hope we're a lot farther than that! Still, it's a detail. --- Bob Bridges, robhbrid...@gmail.com, cell 336 382-7313 /* When I have a little money, I buy books; and if I have any left, I buy food and clothes. -Erasmus */ -----Original Message----- From: IBM Mainframe Discussion List <IBM-MAIN@LISTSERV.UA.EDU> On Behalf Of Bill Johnson Sent: Monday, March 27, 2023 10:08 About a year or so ago I posted about the number of lines of COBOL code in use worldwide and stated COBOL was going to be the language of choice for many decades to come. Estimates say 800 billion lines (and growing) in use today. As usual, I was attacked for my fact based opinion. https://www.zdnet.com/article/programming-languages-how-much-cobol-code-is-out-there-the-answer-might-surprise-you/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- For IBM-MAIN subscribe / signoff / archive access instructions, send email to lists...@listserv.ua.edu with the message: INFO IBM-MAIN
