asalamualikum... http://www.albaseerah.org/forum/showthread.php?t=2448 *Al-Ghuloo (Extremism) and Shiddah (Harshness)* by: *Shaykh Abdullaah al-Ghudyaan*حفظه الله Delivered on: Saturday July 1st, 2006
*Evidence from the Sunnah for Being Gentle and Lenient with Women *Likewise, from the evidences from the Sunnah that point to the importance of gentleness is that which Anas رضي الله تعالى عنه narrated when he said *"the Prophet* صلى الله عليه وسلم *was traveling on a journey, one of the people that was with him, one of his Companions in that journey - began to sing some poetry (to let the camels go fast). So the Prophet* صلى الله عليه وسلم *said to him: ‘Yaa Anjashah! Have lenience with the qawaariyyah, (the glass vessels) (referring to the women)." *[4] This hadeeth indicates to us the legislation of using *ar-rifq* (gentleness) with a particular group of people, and that group of people are the *women*. And that is because Allaah سبحانه وتعالى has given the men certain characteristics and has given the women other characteristics. From these characteristics is that a man has a lack of emotion and that women are *more emotional*. And that men have a stronger ability to be rational and the women have a *weaker ability to be rational*. Therefore the *men should not deal with the female as he would deal with a male*. Rather he should deal with her and he should interact with her according to her nature. Whether it is his wife, his daughter, his mother, his sister, his aunt, or any of his other female relatives, he has to deal with them with a degree of lenience and with a degree of gentleness that he would not use with the men. *The Benefits of Being Gentle and Lenient* Likewise from the evidences that point towards the legislation of using gentleness which has been established or affirmed on the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم on the authority of Abu ad-Dardaa’ رضي الله عنه who said that* The Prophet* صلى الله عليه وسلم* said that: “whoever has been given his share of gentleness or his portion of gentleness, then he has been given his share of good and whoever has been prevented his share of gentleness then indeed he has been prevented from his share of good." *[5] And on the authority of Jareer ibn 'Abdillaah al-Bajalee رضي الله عنه who said, *The Prophet* صلى الله عليه وسلم *said: “Whoever has been prevented from rifq (gentleness) has been prevented from all that is good" *[6] These two hadeeth point to two things: the first of them is that *good results are in direct relation to gentleness*. They are the result of gentleness. They are built upon gentleness, meaning that the one who is gentle and the one who has this characteristic will have good results. Likewise, evil effects or evil results are the results of the one who does not have these characteristics. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم mentioned in this hadeeth that gentleness results in good and that using the opposite of gentleness; whether you want to call it harshness, or being hard, or whatever - it brings about evil results. And from these two hadeeth we gain a general principle and that is *that good results come from using ar-rifqor using gentleness and that evil results come from using harshness *. *Evidence from the Sunnah for Gentleness and Leniency Between Family Members * Likewise, from the evidences is that which has been established on the authority of 'Aa’ishah رضي الله تعالى عنها who said that: *“The Prophet* صلى الله عليه وسلم *said, 'O 'Aa’ishah, be lenient. Indeed if Allaah wants for the people of a home to have goodness then he directs them to the باب (baab) or to the door of gentleness." *[7] In this hadeeth the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is drawing our attention to using gentleness and leniency between the members of a household. And this gentleness and leniency must be used even according to the differences that you may find between the members of one household. For example their gender differences – they may be males and females; or the differences related to their ages. So, you may have a father and a son, and there is a difference in age that may relate to the strength of their relationship between each other or the weakness of that relationship – meaning that some of the relatives might be closer than others in the same home. No matter what the situation may be and no matter what their differences may be; *they have to be lenient with each other*. And this will make the house be from the good houses. However if the primary interaction between the members of a particular household is that they hit one another, they curse one another, they speak evil to one another and the like, then this is the type of house that all blessings will be removed from. -- Masjid Ahlul-Quraan wa As-Sunnah of New york http://www.seekknowledge.org http://www.albaseerah.org
