In a message dated 2004-09-09 11:00:09 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
[EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
> By the way, doesn't your English translation need a verb like the
> following one?
>
> > She thought that the idea of continuing a heartless, meandering
> > relationship with someone one had passionately been in love
> > WAS intolerable and desolate."
>
>
> Kamui
It also needs another 'with' after "been in love":
"She thought that the idea of continuing a heartless, meandering relationship
with someone one had passionately been in love WITH intolerable and desolate."
Adding the relative pronoun "whom" would (might?) clarify the somewhat muddy
relative clause ("whom" is the object of the *second* "with"):
"She thought that the idea of continuing a heartless, meandering relationship
with someone whom one had passionately been in love WITH
intolerable and desolate."
This "whom" and the second "with" can also be moved to the beginning of the
relative clause, resulting in a more formal style (but the whole sentence is
rather formal anyway):
"She thought that the idea of continuing a heartless, meandering relationship
with someone WITH whom one had passionately been in love
intolerable and desolate."
An alternative to adding "was" before "intolerable" would be to leave out
"that" (this is my preference):
"She thought the idea of continuing a heartless, meandering relationship with
someone one had passionately been in love with intolerable and desolate."
"Intolerable and desolate" could also be moved near the beginning, making the
whole sentence easier to understand:
"She thought intolerable and desolate the idea of continuing a heartless,
meandering relationship with someone one had passionately been in love with."
I would also put "passionately" between "been" and "in love with". It sounds
better not to split the auxiliary "had been".
Here is my final version, using all these suggestions:
"She thought intolerable and desolate the idea of continuing a heartless,
meandering relationship with someone with whom one had been passionately in love."
It still sounds very stilted though, largely due to the indefinite pronoun
"one".
stevo
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
Make a clean sweep of pop-up ads. Yahoo! Companion Toolbar.
Now with Pop-Up Blocker. Get it for free!
http://us.click.yahoo.com/L5YrjA/eSIIAA/yQLSAA/9rHolB/TM
--------------------------------------------------------------------~->
Yahoo! Groups Links
<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Japanese_Language/
<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
