I started a post a few days ago that relayed my experience with Marcel...then deleted it and sent the laundry list of people I'd like to have sex with since that was more fun and seemed more healthy. Jimmy posted a call for Marcel and I think now I will say what my experience was that makes me feel the way I do.
There are many issues I agree with Marcel on. I voted for Bush and said so on the list and lived with the badgering of some Bush haters for a few months. Marcel was very active during that time posting articles and what not. One day I posted something about no longer being Roman Catholic and he sent me a private post. It said that I was stupid. He had certain phrases in there like....'your choice reflects your limitations as a thinker'....'you obviously don't have a clue toward reality'....'you're probably a democrat which would explain everything'....and one i'll never forget...'that's the most rediculous thing anyone's ever said and you have no idea what you are talking about' Well, I lived in a Roman Catholic monastary for three years and I think I do have some idea about what I was talking about. The thing is, I didn't want to have that conversation with him. He sent his post to me, and I replyed because I try to be nice to people and he'd dissect my replys line by line, and then attack my thoughts with passion and insult. All along, I felt it was because he could not reconcile that we could agree on some issues of politics, but not of faith. And therefore, he had to prove to me that I was wrong because he couldn't live with that tension of differing views. I was left feeling that Marcel was intensly competitive and secretive. The whole off list thing was weird. It was fast. I'd spend a day thinking about something and post him and with in three minutes, he'd dissect it and send it back with degrading commentary. Finally, I just stopped all correspondance because he was unable to let me be. Like who really gives a fuck where I go to church anyway? And I was being forced to justify my choice, which I was not questioning. I mean, what's the big deal. Maybe I'm wrong and should be Catholic. I don't know. I just know i feel better where I am. It's that simple for me. But not for Marcel. I saw at least 4 people all ask Marcel not to post to them off list. I saw one person say that he would tear up their posts line by line and cut them down to shreads. This!!!! was my exact experience. And, I'm capable of defending my opinions pretty well. I can just imagine that some people are not so quick to defend themselves and left feeling really really frightened. So I concluded that he had some weird edge going on that made him this dark modem figure. Then Patrick L. labled it...cyber rapist. I still think that's the best phrase I've heard to describe what I experienced, regardless of what stigma that lable carries with it. I was left feeling attacked. I felt he was arrogant and forceful of his opinions and when I didn't accept them, he had to call me stupid to justify my differing views. I've been on the list since '96 and I've never felt that way with any other lister. I love the Catholic church, even though I don't go there. And there are times in the last week when I thought...oh Marcel would have a field day with that post. Especially over the flag stuff lately and the anti war stuff. I know he would be totally at a loss over the attacks and would have presented a better counter to Ric's post and some others that to me, seemed to forget totally about the 6000 dead bodies burried in NYC and the continued threat we live with. But at the same time, I experienced something with him that I've never experienced with any other lister and I can't explain it any better than that. Maybe his time off list is helpful for him to rethink how he approaches people and that his thoughts are not the only right ones. I know many people have met him and love him. And Jimmy is absolutely the sweetest man and his thoughts mean alot to me. But at the same time, I know I saw something there that was definately troubling. And I wish I didn't. Really. pat
