Hi, all, I've only been a jmdler for about 10 weeks, so I don't know if my absence was noticed, but I haven't been able to get to my computer for about 10 days (houseguests staying -- mostly *sleeping* -- in the room with the computer, so I couldn't use it without disturbing them), and I'm way behind on the digests -- and I wasn't in Paris ;-)-- but in any case, I'm back, too.
I wanted to add to colin's comments about pedophilia. I thought they were apt. And I have some first-hand experience of the damage it *can* have long-term. When I was 5 and my sister 4, we were both molested to various extents by the elder brother (and to a lesser extent, the elder sister) of our best friends; god knows how long it had been going on with our *friends*, who lived with these... sick *&^%$#@! twerps. In any case, it all was brought out into the open when I came home one day with my underwear stained and on backwards, and my mother was alerted. It was all quietly taken care of -- at first my friends' parents were disbelieving, but I guess the evidence was compelling. Shortly after, the folks in question left town, with their children (which meant, of course, including our best friends). Here's the interesting (to me) part. My sister and I both just forgot about it -- maybe that's the best that can be hoped for. It came back to me when I was 17 or 18. I had some odd dreams, and I asked my parents about it, and they confirmed that it had all happened. As far as we could tell, my sister didn't remember any of it. [For what it's worth, neither my parents nor I believe(d) that the molestation was the "cause" of my being gay; I just am, probably was "born" or genetically headed that way -- "it" runs on both sides of the family.] It later turned out that while I was the greater target (especially of the older boy), my sister was the one with scars. She's neurotic in more ways that we can count, unable to make or maintain relationships with men, and has only non-sexually expressed relationships with women, mostly gay ones, although she professes to be sexually attracted only to men. When she entered therapy sometime in the early 90's, she apparently began to remember some aspects of what had happened -- and became convinced *my father or me* had been the perpetrator of these horrible attacks. She spoke to no-one in the family for at least five years. She only came around when my father was dying two years ago, and during a discussion at that time, I asked her if she remembered what had been done to us way back when. She was stunned. Her "recovered memories" (which by then were falling out of favor) hadn't been completely artificial, she and /or her therapist had just drawn the wrong conclusions from her incomplete memories. I think I came out unscarred, but I'm furious when I think what's been done to my sister's life, and how it even indirectly removed *her* from *our* lives. I'm sorry to return on such a sour note. I've had a delightful (if exhausting) two weeks or so, and I want to talk about the wonderful jmdl g et-together some of us had in SF about a week ago -- but in another posting -- I don't want to contaminate it with this topic. Warm feelings to you all, Walt
