The letter from Ethel Murfman:
A Letter to My Many, Many, Many, Many Fans:
Date: Wed, 4 Sept. 2002
Hello Fans and Friends,
First of all, I want to thank all of you for your continued support of me and
my music. I have enjoyed the past few days and am very excited about what is
in my future. It will be swell, it will be great. In fact, I will have the
whole friggin' world on a plate. However, there is a situation that has been
brought to my attention that needs to be addressed, starting here, starting
now.
At the present time, within my fan base there is a significant group of
colored people who happen to be blue -- Smurfs, if you will. Please know that
I appreciate my fan base no matter who or what they are - I, in no way,
shape, or form am complaining about these blue mutants. However, as an
artist, I am continually wanting to expand that fan base - to mothers and
fathers, to college students, to teenagers, to the incontinent, to people who
happen to be jaundiced, to pinkish Irish-Americans and to people who are all
the many wonderful other colors of the rainbow, etc. I honestly believe my
music has the appeal to be able to do that. It is not only important to me
personally, but it is imperative for my future ~ record executives are
looking for artists with an established and significant following - they
don't do very many "developmental" deals these days. Plus drag acts generally
are death to deals of any kind.
However, I have had several complaints from bar owners, racists, homophobes,
friends, the KKK, fans, sexists, Republicans, the closeted, neighbors trying
to sleep and yelling "not so loud," three waitresses, Canadian hockey
players, and potential fans regarding the disgusting show of Smurf-like
affection that has taken place at my shows. This type of behavior, right or
wrong, reflects on me as the artist who has brought you sorry blue bastards
to that club. Let me give you some examples:
1) I have several friends who will not ask their families, friends, Catholic
priests, Yani fans, nancy boys, shelias, coworkers, rubyfruit lovers, or
non-blue people in general to my shows because of this behavior and the
potential negative reflection that may be projected upon them as fans of mine.
2) A gentleman from a show made a comment in the men's bathroom, "What's
going on here tonight? Isn't that Ethel Merman peeing at a urinal?"
As an artist, I want to be known for my MUSIC. It is VERY IMPORTANT to me to
NOT be stereotyped, bitch-slapped, pigeonholed, keelhauled, cornholed,
fingered, or categorized in a way that will alienate anyone from listening or
coming to see my shows. I do not want to become a Bob Muller or a Jackson
Browne (although I tolerate them both and could respect them as artists if I
had lots of mind-altering drugs) - most people don't think about their music
first.....they think of all the restraining orders Joni Mitchell has against
these two - whether right or wrong, that's the way it is. Whether I am
straight or gay, blue or a little green, it is no one's business in the first
place and I, personally, even though I am a lady gym teacher, am not open to
making that anyone's business. It should be about the music...period. Ernest
Borgnine be damned.
I cannot control the behavior of anyone, however, I am respectfully asking
all of you as fans and friends to please be respectful of what I am trying to
accomplish as an artist. DON'T TOUCH EACH OTHER AT ALL WHEN YOU COME TO SEE
ME! Please be respectful of the places where I am performing by being aware
of the actions that can possibly turn potential fans away from my music or
from my future shows. NO MUFF DIVING, NO BOBBING FOR BANANAS, NO SMURF-LIKE
LOVE AT ALL! Also, please try to control your farting while I'm on stage.
I want EVERYONE to feel comfortable coming to my shows - and from what I've
been told, people are not comfortable because of the big, blue, rockin' and
rollin' Smurf pile of love they have to deal with when they get there. If
this means you cannot continue to support me or come to my future shows, then
I will understand and respect that decision, you perverted blue bastards. I
appreciate your support up until this time. But for now, bye-bye. Don't let
the door hit your big, blue asses on your way out.
I sincerely hope you will understand the purpose of this letter and will
respect my request.
Thanks for your continued support ~
--Ethel Murfman
