LOL!!!! Thanks Bob! I needed a good laugh to start my day. Heather
-----Original Message----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]On Behalf Of [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Wednesday, September 04, 2002 2:48 AM To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Subject: Re: Singer Ethel Murfman , Smurfophobic? - njc The letter from Ethel Murfman: A Letter to My Many, Many, Many, Many Fans: Date: Wed, 4 Sept. 2002 Hello Fans and Friends, First of all, I want to thank all of you for your continued support of me and my music. I have enjoyed the past few days and am very excited about what is in my future. It will be swell, it will be great. In fact, I will have the whole friggin' world on a plate. However, there is a situation that has been brought to my attention that needs to be addressed, starting here, starting now. At the present time, within my fan base there is a significant group of colored people who happen to be blue -- Smurfs, if you will. Please know that I appreciate my fan base no matter who or what they are - I, in no way, shape, or form am complaining about these blue mutants. However, as an artist, I am continually wanting to expand that fan base - to mothers and fathers, to college students, to teenagers, to the incontinent, to people who happen to be jaundiced, to pinkish Irish-Americans and to people who are all the many wonderful other colors of the rainbow, etc. I honestly believe my music has the appeal to be able to do that. It is not only important to me personally, but it is imperative for my future ~ record executives are looking for artists with an established and significant following - they don't do very many "developmental" deals these days. Plus drag acts generally are death to deals of any kind. However, I have had several complaints from bar owners, racists, homophobes, friends, the KKK, fans, sexists, Republicans, the closeted, neighbors trying to sleep and yelling "not so loud," three waitresses, Canadian hockey players, and potential fans regarding the disgusting show of Smurf-like affection that has taken place at my shows. This type of behavior, right or wrong, reflects on me as the artist who has brought you sorry blue bastards to that club. Let me give you some examples: 1) I have several friends who will not ask their families, friends, Catholic priests, Yani fans, nancy boys, shelias, coworkers, rubyfruit lovers, or non-blue people in general to my shows because of this behavior and the potential negative reflection that may be projected upon them as fans of mine. 2) A gentleman from a show made a comment in the men's bathroom, "What's going on here tonight? Isn't that Ethel Merman peeing at a urinal?" As an artist, I want to be known for my MUSIC. It is VERY IMPORTANT to me to NOT be stereotyped, bitch-slapped, pigeonholed, keelhauled, cornholed, fingered, or categorized in a way that will alienate anyone from listening or coming to see my shows. I do not want to become a Bob Muller or a Jackson Browne (although I tolerate them both and could respect them as artists if I had lots of mind-altering drugs) - most people don't think about their music first.....they think of all the restraining orders Joni Mitchell has against these two - whether right or wrong, that's the way it is. Whether I am straight or gay, blue or a little green, it is no one's business in the first place and I, personally, even though I am a lady gym teacher, am not open to making that anyone's business. It should be about the music...period. Ernest Borgnine be damned. I cannot control the behavior of anyone, however, I am respectfully asking all of you as fans and friends to please be respectful of what I am trying to accomplish as an artist. DON'T TOUCH EACH OTHER AT ALL WHEN YOU COME TO SEE ME! Please be respectful of the places where I am performing by being aware of the actions that can possibly turn potential fans away from my music or from my future shows. NO MUFF DIVING, NO BOBBING FOR BANANAS, NO SMURF-LIKE LOVE AT ALL! Also, please try to control your farting while I'm on stage. I want EVERYONE to feel comfortable coming to my shows - and from what I've been told, people are not comfortable because of the big, blue, rockin' and rollin' Smurf pile of love they have to deal with when they get there. If this means you cannot continue to support me or come to my future shows, then I will understand and respect that decision, you perverted blue bastards. I appreciate your support up until this time. But for now, bye-bye. Don't let the door hit your big, blue asses on your way out. I sincerely hope you will understand the purpose of this letter and will respect my request. Thanks for your continued support ~ --Ethel Murfman
