The really sad part is that Jaco Pastorius was bipolar (manic depressive). It is not uncommon for untreated manics to spiral into addiction as self medication.I think the main reason being that the 'treatment' is often worse than the complaint. Certainly all the drugs that I know of have unacceptable side effects, sudden and early death being two of them. Apart from that, the drugs don't actually do a lot except make other people feel better and like they are doing something. They make the taker feel dreadful and often far worse than when they were unmedicated. Some of the drugs could succesfully be used as a torture.
After many years of suffering, i found my own medication, marijuana.(which of course also has bad side effects but I didn't know that) It worked for ten years. In that time i didn't take any meds, didn't see a dr, and managed to live a normal life, even managing to 'work' for the first time in my life. I knitted six days a week and sold on the 7th. I did it for 6 years, and made a very good living. However, all good things come to an end and like many friends, marijuana became my enemy. So i stopped and remained drug free(I don't drink). A little over a year ago, i relented, i think just to please my gp who is really nice and caring. I went on to a drug that is consdiered 'safe', despite having bad side effects(like the two mentioned earlier), called tegratol. It slowed me down far too much, dulled me and although I didn't get manic, it left me feeling drained and low most of the time. I then had a bloodtest to find that my cholesterol had shot up(one of it's side effects). I stopped the drug 3 mths or so ago and fully intend staying med free. I have learned good coping skills-know how to stop a downward sprial getting too down and an upward one getting to up. I have good self knowledge, good friends, and a good partner all of whom accept me as I am and don't see me as defective and are supportive. Mostly, tho, it is my dogs that keep me even. I HAVE to be their for them. they rely on me. I can't wallow in bed. I can't go up into cloud cuckoo land. They need me to meet their needs. they are completely dependant upon me. No matter how I feel, they need to be fed, walked, groomed, played with, talked to. And they don't know i have a label and don't sit around discussing how difficult I must be to live with, either in front of me or behind my back.
I give myself goals. On the days when i just want to go back to bed, after dealing with the dogs, I bargain with myself. I say 'go to the gym and when you have done that, you can go to bed'. More often than not , i don't go back to bed.
When i feel buzzy I design and knit a lot! A LOT! I excercise more. the dogs get walked more. I just DO a lot more.( and I lose weight! unfortuanetley I am more low and slow than up and fast, so am a fatty)
My last real manic phase was 97 when i first joined the list. oh boy, 30 or so mails a day, never slept. That epsisode was triggered by grief. Who knows what the future holds. I am happy as I am. My partner is happy to have me med free(he has learned a lot too about meds and what they can do). i don't need to please people and be as they want me to be.
The one thing I wish i could change is that i am quite a solitary person, spending most of my time alone with my dogs and my desigining and this pc. Thank god for email. Being with people is too dificult. the friends I have I have had for many years but they are not on my doorstep but allways at the end of a phone. Other people after a while begin to think something is not quite right and either drift away or if they push the issue and I tell them I have a disorder, they either go then or don't treat me with respect from then on. ie if i disgree with them or don't want to do something, it is because i am 'ill'. or they start feeling sorry for John and think he is a saint, never thinking that 'normies' have their difficult to live with stuff too! This pisses us both off. I think these people must think i am frequently a drooling maniac or slashing my wrists every few weeks. So in the long run it is better not to socialize and try build friendships. people are not as tolerant or caring or patient as we would wish!
strangely, the only time i had loads of 'friends' was during the pot years. Of course they were not friends but I was too stoned to care(as were they). i did all sorts of things then-parites, galavanting, home gatherings etc. it was fun. laughed a lot. was horny all the time(a side effect i didn't mind! although John fund the pace a bit much at times!) and the dream was real enough for me to enjoy it while it lasted.
It also enabled to look at myself and things I had not been able to deal previously. All of which led me to getting a lot of shit up and out and has led me to the good life I now enjoy.
Jaco did not die because of his bipolar condition. he died because someone murdered him.
