LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that
her car has
been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation
to the
dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the
brake pedal
and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
"She got
in the back-seat by mistake."
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FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
night the
96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
yells to the
other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She
starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her
sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help
both of you as
soon as I see who's at the door."
________________________________________________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one
fine March
day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
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LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home. As
she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex." She
walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at
him, she
said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll
take the
soup."
_______________________________________________________________________
OLD FRIENDS:
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years, they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One
day, they
were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now
don't get
mad at me . . . I know we've been friends for a long time, but I
just can't
think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember
it. Please
tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just
stared and
glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
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SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman,
I just heard on
the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be
careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
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DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could
barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection.
The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in
the
passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could
have sworn we
just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they
came to
another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went
right
through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the
light had been
red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was
getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they
went on
through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did
you know
that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
killed us
both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, my goodness, am I driving?"
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OK, so these are so old we even forgot we read them before!
Please reassure me... it isn't me..... or is it??
I was Sue in East Yorkshire ..... I think!!
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