Kathy E <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes:
HAND CANCELED: Police in Channelview, Texas, say John Edwin May, already
on parole after an aggravated robbery conviction, tried to rob the
local post office. They allege he handed a clerk a note saying he had
explosives and wanted money. The clerk took the note to her supervisor,
who then led all the employees out the back door. "Before [May] knew
it, he was standing there all alone," a sheriff spokesman said. May was
arrested "without incident". No explosives were found. (Houston
Chronicle) ...But it may lead to the new "Priority Mailbomb" service:
three sticks of dynamite sent anywhere in three days for just three
bucks.
PLEASE FORM A SINGLE LINE: Convicted drunk drivers in Reno, Nev., were
ordered to attend a Victim Impact Panel to listen to people talk about
family members killed by drunk drivers. Police watched as 14 of the
court-ordered attendees drove up in their cars. All 14 were arrested
and face additional sentences of six months in jail and a $1,000 fine
-- their driving licenses had been suspended as part of their
convictions. (AP) ...The only surprising thing is that none of them
were arrested for drunk driving.
HE'S NOT BAD, HE'S JUST DRAWN THAT WAY: Toronto, Ont., Canada, police
are looking for Homer Simpson. Sort of. A man that has robbed three
Toronto banks in the last several months has been dubbed the Homer
Simpson Bandit because of his "striking resemblance" to the character on
"The Simpsons" animated TV series. "It's the way he looks and the way he
holds himself up," a police spokesman said of the resemblance.
(Victoria B.C. Times Colonist) ...If he goes into banks and only
manages to hold himself up, he really is a lot like Homer Simpson.
BAD BOY II: Brian James Diaz, 21, has been arrested after a bank robbery
in Detroit, Mich. Police say that Diaz convinced a 12-year-old boy to
pull off the heist after promising to split the money with him. The
robbery went awry when the boy dropped the money bag after a dye packet
slipped in with the money exploded as he ran out the door. Diaz, police
say, not wanting to end up with nothing, then tried to turn the boy in
and claim a reward offered for the robber's capture. The boy was not
charged. (AP) ...But he will have to stand in the corner of the bank
lobby with a dunce cap.
AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME: A Canadian legislator has been revealed as the
author of several letters published in a local newspaper saying what a
great politician he is. Liberal Party member of the provincial
legislature Paul Reitsma of Vancouver Island, B.C., admitted writing
the letters after the suspicious newspaper hired a handwriting analyst.
In at least 10 letters signed with false names, Reitsma praised himself
and panned rivals -- and once managed to misspell his own name and the
word "hypocrisy". One letter accused a rival of being "politically
dishonest". Reitsma refuses to resign, but admits he is "ashamed and
humiliated." (Reuters) ...Although he didn't sign his own name to the
confession.
PLAYBOY BUNNY SLOPE: Crested Butte Mountain resort is rethinking its
traditional end-of-season ritual. The Colorado ski resort has hosted
nude skiers celebrating the last day on the slopes, but it's getting
out of hand, the resort says. This year, "hundreds" of skiers doffed
their ski suits for naked runs down the slope. "Our mountain is a
family mountain," resort spokeswoman Gina Kroft said. Hundreds of bare
skiers instead of mere dozens "just doesn't have that light, fun feeling
anymore." Kroft says the resort may not ban nude skiing altogether, but
they'll try to come up with a new ritual before next year's closing.
(UPI) ...Herding celebrity skiers into trees has already been rejected,
thank you.
A MODEST PROPOSAL: The city of Carbondale, Colo., doesn't want residents
to spray their weeds with herbicides. But they don't want weeds growing
around town, either. So the city is suggesting an alternative: it's
urging citizens to eat the weeds. John Phillip, a member of the city's
Environmental Board, says dandelions suffer from a poor image. "It's
really a vegetable," he says. "It's only a weed in the eyes of people
who grew up in the '50s and '60s and moved to the suburbs." (AP)
...Now, about the sewage problem....
CHECKOUT: The British Library is celebrating the opening of their new
building in central London. However, the library was horrified when it
was pointed out that there was a typo in a huge promotional banner
hanging on the side of the structure: "The British Library. For the
nation's written heretage [sic]". The AFP wire service gleefully
pointed out the gaffe in a story headlined, "British Library Embarassed
[sic] by Mispelling [sic] its Heritage". (AFP) ...People who live in
glass houses should not throw stones.
COINCIDENCE? YOU BE THE JUDGE: "Koko the Gorilla Chats on Internet",
"Consumers Get Health Advice on Net" -- AP headlines from the same day
--
Kathy E
"I can only please one person a day, today is NOT your day, and tomorrow
isn't looking too good for you either"
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