The Leeds List Glossary
A collection of nicknames, acronyms and descriptions all purporting to
relate to the unofficial Leeds United AFC internet mailing list,
composed or edited by Betty Boocock, with several contributions coming
from the individuals concerned. So if you're confused and bewildered by
the in-jokes and strange references on the list, read on and let
enlightenment flow...
ADOLPHI - Home of the pre match list meet, actually called the
Adelphi, but renamed when it was suggested that the NF might have
once met there.
ARMCHAIR - Usual seat taken by most opinionated members of the
list, preferably in foreign climes where the best view is always
available. NB the enormous motorised armchair is Betty's large car
built by French communists.
BETTY - according to Andy 'Blood On Yer Boots' King, "I seem to
remember earlier this year you sorted out a few of the listers
(Maggie, Squiggle ?) problems, and for a while the list was more like
a Dear Aunty Betty The Agony Aunt list than a Leeds list". According
to Guy: "Because of your Betty Boothroyd tendencies during a number
of disputes." If the truth be known it is because my Aunty Betty
Boocock is the only member of the family still left in Swinnow.
BLIND JOHN - Mr John Lukic (a former custodian of the onion bag).
BMW - The Best Mate's Wife. Euphemism for mistress, only used by
cads and bounders.
BOTL - Birds On The List. The women who contribute to life on the
list, and that's real women, not transvestites like Betty and Maggie.
BTW - Standard computer nerd acronym for "by the way" . Apparently
this saves ink.
CASHBURN, NEWMONEY - (Come on, you can work those out can't you?)
CHURCH OF THE REAL MAN/YORKSHIRE MAN - situated in the heart of the
West Leeds triangle of Burley, Headingley and Kirkstall, the Church
and its leader, Da Reverend John Lee, instructs devotees in the art
of Grolsch-swilling, currying, nesting, and opinionated
conversation, especially in the company of students who are not
tolerated within the Church. Chief doctrines include NO Rabid
Canines, no buying Sharp products, the sworn aim of the destruction
of all things Lancastrian and the moving of Parliament to Swaledale.
It's anti Southern-jessy& Wearside-maggot philosophies easily
identify the brethren. Dress sense is casual with attitude, musical
preferences eclectic but no hippie shit, and a love of Geoffrey
Boycott is essential. A definite NO SCABS rule applies to membership,
regardless of all other criteria, although if you've ever shagged
Sophie Rayworth you're probably in! Birds are tolerated, but only
if they're fit, can cook curry or are related to DRB by marriage.
In short, the Brethren of justice and righteousness found in the
Church of the Real Man/Yorkshire Man are Gods children on Earth,
reside in the Land of the Gods and will surely one day inherit the
Earth (and will then proceed to wipe Lancashire off it!).
CHINAMAN - Young Lee Sharpe
DENIS - I ended up with Denis cos after the headshave at Euronet
96, I ended uplooking like Denis Irwin. Fortunately my hair's grown
back a bit now. Still, it's better than being accused of looking
like 'Sutcliffe' a few years ago (not funny I know, but that's
southern 'humour' for you).
dOLEITE - (see SQUIGGLE).
DRB - Custodian of the reserve report and choirmaster of the Choir
Of Unholy Angels, who normally give concerts on the Football Special
of a match day.
DUNDERHEAD - My list name is not a nickname but in fact my surname.
This is itself an Anglicisation of our previous, family name of
Dumbkopf. My great-grandfather, like many first-generation German
immigrants during the Great War, thought it prudent to change the
family name of Pimmelkopf to Windsor, but those damned Saxe-Cobourgs
had beaten him to it. He chose instead the more familiar surname of
Dumbkopf, being true to his Hanoverian roots while adopting a name
commonly understood in Great Britain.
FAKE TAN - If it is of any interest, the reason for my moniker
Fake-Tan is that after my first Adelphi trip before The Witness'
hat-trick against Ipswich, Da Rev sent this message to the List:
"Apologies to those of you in't Adelphi last night, I was completely
knackered and needed a few stiff drinks to get me moving again so
wasn't my usual whingeing lively self. Good to put a few more faces
to names, Dave (RB) and Charlie (Is it really that sunny up in Durham
or was that fake-tan, I think we should be told!!)." To which my
reply was: "Well the secret is out, thanks to a great night with the
Listers in the Adelphi; cheers for making me so welcome. Seeing The
Witness get a first-half hat-trick right in front of us in the Kop
was something special. Now the Fake-Tan: Take Your Pick, all or none
of the following could be responsible:
1. It is fake-tan and I have bought Clayton Blackmore's used Sun-Bed;
2. It is sunny in Durham, and I do a bit of running;
3. It is hereditary, my father looks like a ruddy-faced farmer (he's a
Blade);
4. I drink far too much malt."
GBSS - Green and Blue Striped Shirt (as worn at away matches and in
Mr Goodair's bedroom) see also YBSS.
HAM SANDWICH - OK, this was the label given to me by the rabid
Reverend Mr John Lee after the TSB-Lard match. At 2pm he wanted to go
for a curry -- I couldn't stomach it at that time and besides,
no-where would've been open, so instead we all headed down to Granary
Wharf? where I tucked into a tasty ham sandwich, baked spud and a
gingerbread man. The Rev then branded me with that name and the rest
is history. Trouble is that following subsequent Lard matches, the
Rev has not disproved the rumour that he's a korma eating nancy.
IMO/IMHO - More standard computer nerd jargon for "in my opinion/in
my humble opinion. Supposedly saves nanoseconds at the listserver.
JABBA - see THE PLASTIC PENGUIN
JACK THE TWAT DOORMAN - head of security at h'Elland Road, has a
peculiarly 'posh' Yorkshire accent when interviewed on telly,
entailing h'appearance of h's h'all h'over the place. Wears naff
grey uniform and chauffeurs peaked hat. Complete jobsworth a la
Blakey in On The Buses. Favourite sayings "YOU CAN'T PARK THERE"&
"YOU CAN'T GO DOWN THERE -- EVEN PLAYERS CAN'T GO DOWN THERE!". In
short, a complete f***ing embarrassment! His appearance on Match of
the Day last season set a new low in the public relations history of
Leeds United.
JUDAS - Title applied to former heroes who willingly transfer to a
new club, particularly after proclaiming undying love for the Gods
and their fans. Current holder is a Mr. G. McAllister currently
plying his trade for some obscure team in the West Midlands. (See also
TPFKAM)
KLKOT - Kev Lewis King of Tonga. I think it started in the Rugby
Club I play for when we were touring. Someone reckoned that I was
spread out in this easy chair, looking like the King of Tonga. I
perpetuated it to some extent, by blacking-up for a game once, and
finding various artefacts of South Sea Island origin. I have been
sent various photos and newspaper articles on the gentleman or
impostor whichever way you look at it. I believe MLPOT, my son, first
brought this to the attention of the list, at a pre-match list meet
in the Adolphi, it was well received and the moniker took.
LAND OF THE GODS - LOTG our hallowed county, the broad acres that
are Yorkshire.
LARDS - The most excellent Leeds list footie team composed of,
eerm, anyone who can turn out.
LARDETTES - anyone turning out to support the LARDS.
LARNDAN - The capital city of the south of England
[EMAIL PROTECTED] - the new home of the list, but then you
wouldn't be reading this if you didn't already know that. see below.
ox.vax.ac.uk] - the original home of the list, before
Gav did a Macca for more brass in some technical college somewhere. See
LOTSA - Land Of The Sad Alcoholic. Scotland where about two of us live.
M-PEOPLE - ask Ade Thompson (Ham Sandwich) and heavy metal guru Maggie
Barber.
MAD DOG - Our dearly beloved manager. see also TMFKAW.
MAGGIE BARBER - Erstwhile Lards manager, named after the WFKATPM,
Maggie Thatcher. He is noted as having once said "That's Margaret to
you." when addressing the Rev in the Adolphi.
MNES - Magnificent New East Stand. Complete with medicated toilet paper.
MOALM - Mother of All List Meets (The List meet the night before
the Fizzy Pop Cup Final, plus the pre- and post meets on the day).
Also leads to various offshoots. (I'm sure you can all work Fizzy Pop
Cup out:-)
MUCKSHIFTER - As a young roofer in Wakey, I was bollocked by the
clerk of works on a building site in Crigglestone for throwing a load
of old slates in to a freshly dug trench. The two blokes (1 Irish, 1
Polish) who had dug the trench, told the foreman where to stick his
shovel when asked to clear up my mess. I was then ordered by a very
irate foreman to "get cracking", and had to climb in the trench to
remove all the knackered slates. The Polish bloke, while laughing at
my feeble attempts to clear 6ft with a spadeful of rubbish, called me
a "useless muckshifter", which is what builders call a JCB (or they
used to). The name stuck for a while. Anyway, nowadays I work for a
publisher, and while looking through a list of journals I was amazed
to spot one called "Muckshifter", which is about mechanical diggers,
not about skinny 16-year-old Wakey lads. The memories came flooding
back, I can still smell the asbestos now! I don't really know why I
decided to use it as a pseudonym.......perhaps there is something
wrong with me? Mam, mam, can I come out of this cupboard now .........!
OCCUPIED YORKSHIRE - Anywhere outside of Yorkshire.
OCTOPUSSY - Mr Carlton Palmer (see most video footage of his performances).
POPE PAUL - Paul MacGowan, apologist for the MAD DOG and leader of
the acolytes, Mrs Firm and Silent Bob, lost somewhere west of the
Dingle Peninsula.
RUSTBELT CITY - Sheffield (allegedly playing football in LOTG).
SCUM - Manchester United(and thus Scummers, Scumchester etc..).
SOTG - Stadium Of The Gods. Our superb ground, Elland Road.
SQUIGGLE - Just as Doctor Who had to have a new face every few
years, I have to have a new name every few months. Firstly, there was
"The Voice of Football". This was apt at the time, because by thunder
did I know my stuff. Then, when football died as we knew and loved
it (circa the building of the Old Trafford megastore) I
metamorphosised into<~O (formerly the gobshite known as Voice).
This was partly in protest at the bastardisation of our beautiful
game, and partly so the Internet Hotspurs didn't kick the shit outof
me. Then it was Squiggle -- this was because my keyboard lost it's
"~" sign. (I think it was set up incorrectly). Along the way there's
been Chantelle and others. Now, I'm plain old dOLEITE. Not very
imaginitive, not very amusing. Just apt. (sniff! sniff!).<~O (who's
just found ASCII code 126)
STEVIE GRANDDAD - I'm afraid it's not very interesting but the
Granddad comes from my band Granddads Don't Indicate. We all get
called the Granddads cos the whole thing is such a gob full, hence
Stevie Granddad, (my mother in law insists on calling me it??). Nowt
to do with Leeds, nowt to do with sprogs, sorry.
TAPP - see THE PLASTIC PENGUIN.
THE ARSE - Arsenal FC (world's most boring football team).
THE BOY WETH - Rather dull origin of "The Boy Weth". Half derived
from an office I worked in adapting "The Boy Lineker" all those years
ago for all of us. Thus The Boy Lawrenson, The Boy Gaymer etc. Told
you it was dull. When I enrolled on E World I had no idea that a name
was required, panicked and put that in. Mind you, it has inspired me
to end messages again with The Boy Weth.
THE DON - Mr Donald Revie (a management God - well to 99.99% of us).
THE GODS - Our glorious team.
THE LISTOWNER - Gav Burnage who "looks after" his foundling, The
List. He gets called other things too: Eric, Erique, Canto, Ooh Aah
French Wanker (a few hundred arsenal fans did the latter one), Fuck
Off Cantona (a few hundred Leeds fans did that one).
THE MESSIAH - Mr Anthony Yeboah (an imported German nickname).
THE PLONKER - Rodney Wallace who seems to obey the Law of Gravity
at every opportunity and make intimate contact with the ground
anytime he has the ball and often without it.
THE QUIET MAN - Roger Michelle Goodair, part time Bradford Bulls
supporter and hammer of the ladies in sensible shoes.
THE RHINESTONE COWBOY - The Rhinestone Cowboy, if he exists, can be
found in crappy boozers like The Nags Head, Market Tavern and the
Regent selling dodgy copies of Pocohontas or fake Tag Heuers -- when
he's not on holiday in places like Italy allegedly checking out some
player who has absolutely no intention of coming to Leeds! Has
sponsorship from Gerry and Sylvia Anderson for his Joe 90 style
glasses, which must emit some form of stupidity ray on past performance.
THE WITNESS - see MESSIAH above.
THE YOUNG GODS - Yorkshire County Cricket Club.
THEATRE OF WET DREAMS - An ironic reference to Old Trafford.
"THERE'LL BE WEEPING IN THE STREETS OF BOURNEMOUTH TONIGHT" - A
non-ironic reference to a SCUM defeat.
TMFKAW - The Manager Formerly Known As Wilko. Our illustrious
Manager, Mr Howard Wilkinson (see also MAD DOG).
TPFKAM - The Player (or is it penaltytaker?) Formerly Known As
Macca. A one time captain of our glorious team, now starring in a new
show at Highfield Road -- along with a number of other people who are
just pawns in the game of life that is Premiership Footie. (see also JUDAS).
THE PLASTIC PENGUIN - This came from two separate occasions: in
Dublin for the pre-season game in 1995, I turned up at the pub in a
white shirt& dark trousers (heading to a club afterwards) -- Gav said
I looked like something out of Riverdance so I gave a quick hop& jig
- only to be told that that was more like a penguin. Hence Penguin.
Then at the Spurs away game a month or so later, I thought I'd lost
my match ticket. I found it buried in the depths of my wallet -- I
found it after I'd removed my copious collection of credit cards (and
to my shame, a Sainsbury's Spend'n'Save card :-). Hence Plastic
Penguin. Shortly afterwards, it turned out that there was a big drugs
boss in Dublin who had arranged several nasty accidents -- he was
called The Penguin, so I became the Plastic Puffin for my own safety.
Joined in the mad list rush to abbreviation as TAPP (The Abbreviated
Plastic Puffin) before reverting to my long-standing nickname of
Jabba when I finally grew out of it all.
TSB - The Square Ball. Rip off Gods fanzine.
WIACW - Wilko Is A Complete Wanker. A commentary on our manager's
ability (or lack of it) as Mr Goodair signed off for quite a while.
Mr Goodair has Football Managerial pretensions himself (see also LARDS)
VATMAN - Mr Robin Launders, our recently appointed, ex scum
employee, Chief Executive and man in charge of the Bendix. (Vatman
and Robin geddit?).
VINNY - (as in 'the Jones Boy') When I started my present job,
Vinny Jones was still terrorising Div 2 opposition with a dodgy
wedge(ish) haircut! I decided to have a similar style and when the
blokes here found out I supported Leeds someone mentioned Vinny
Jones. A couple of weeks later they asked me to play in an inter
company tournament and I was put at Left back. I think we were one-nil
up at half time but only just holding on, as they had a big bloke
(compared to me) of about 16 stone in the centre of midfield who was
running the show. Our manager (my boss) decided to move me into the
centre at half-time and just after the restart there was a 50-50 ball
between us. We both steamed in and I don't know where the ball went
but I got up and he didn't. He limped off a few moments later as my
colleagues on the sidelines started chanting VINNY VINNY! We went on
to win 3-0 and a new nickname was born.
WATC-COE - We Are The Champions - Champions of Europe.
To be sung loudly and shirtless throughout half time at away games,
to remind us of our true standing (no matter how crap we happen to be
playing).
YBSS - Yellow and blue striped shirt (see also GBSS).
Compiled by Betty
August 28th 1996
_______________________________________________
Leedslist mailing list
Info and options: http://mailman.greennet.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/leedslist
To unsubscribe, email leedslist-unsubscr...@gn.apc.org
PETE CASS (1962 - 2011) Rest In Peace Mate
