Mary:
I'm feeling a bit vague on the details. What information does he want, what
is his relationship with you, and what is the money supposed to be for?
Not, you need to tell me, but these things make a difference.
It would make a difference to me what "personal" information he wants.
Family health history that is critcally important to him, that you don't
happen to want to share, or your living peoples' exact dates and places of
birth? Also, how closely is he related to you? Is he your first cousin,
who has known you since you were kids, or is he a distant cousin? How
closely related is he to the elderly person who gave you the information you
don't want to share? Does he have another way to get the information, and
is the information of critical importance to him; say, information about
genetic illness in the family?
In the former case, I 'd say if you don't want to answer the question you're
the one with something wrong with you, but you always have the right to say
no, and the most important thing is not to outright lie to him, ie, no,
noone in our family has ever had an illness they've had. I've had more
respect for relatives who said that to me than the ones who lied.
If you really think the person who told you personal information that is
crititcal information that should be shared didn't want it shared, you can
always try the approach I am using at the moment in such a situation. I am
trying the this person won't live forever approach. In the meantime, I
told my brother in law that I ahve information he does need to have if
something should happen to both me and his mother (the source of ... the
identity of her parents... talk about pulling out hair!) I really think
that if your source is 90 years old and in frail health, your information
will be yours to do with as you choose within a few years. ;)
In the latter case, I say no once, occasionally twice, if it is someone who
I know who it is; and if they press, I ignore them. I have had people
who thought they just should have that info for their database. It is an
actual theory of how to gather data on a family group, that personal
identifying information should be collected and published on living people.
Oh well, too bad. It is not wise nor safe to give out identifying
information on living people, particularly address and exact dates of birth
and marriage. You can't make him stop contacting you, but you can ignore
him, and the odds are, if you don't respond to him, he'll eventually give
up. I've never had anyone be QUITE this persistent, and everyone I have
ignored dropped it after one more try.
As for the money, what is it for? Is it a bribe? A payment for
something you did for him? You can certain turn it down if you aren't
comfortable taking it. Did he send a large amount of cash, in which case
he is definitely nuts, or a check? If a check, tear it up and forget about
it. If cash or money order, send it back adn tell him any further mail you
get from him will go in the trash unopened, no matter what it contains.
I've taken that approach with both people, and companies I'd ended relations
with.
I'm not saying this is the case, but if you should get a really funny
feeling about him or if his behavior worries you, write him a letter (or
e-mail) telling him to never contact you again or you will file appropriate
criminal complaints, send it certified and get a receipt of mailing it as
well, and of course keep a copy. If he keeps it up, repeatedly phones or
e-mails you, visits you after you told him to leave you alone, or threatens
you, you can file various charges. I mean that if he is genuinely scaring
you, not just because you don't like what he is asking for.
You are limited in your ability to tell him not to bother someone ELSE, but
your ability to intervene grows if the other person is frail or disabled, or
confined to a nursing home.
Yours,
Dora Smith
Austin, TX
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
----- Original Message -----
From: "archives" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <LegacyUserGroup@legacyfamilytree.com>
Sent: Tuesday, December 12, 2006 3:26 PM
Subject: [LegacyUG] Genealogy Etiquette
This is somewhat off topic, but someone I met when I put a Legacy Tree on
Ancestry has
been bugging the living fool out of me. I am a genealogist for a
historical society
and as part of our outreach I set up Legacy family files on local families
and put it
online for researchers. This one man has contacted me about information I
have gotten
from a 90 year old resident. He has already contacted the person, but
when the man
stopped short of telling everything he wanted to know about an ancestor,
this man has
been bugging both me and the informant with numerous letters and phone
calls to give
him more intimate details than both my informant and I feel he needs to
know. He sent
my society a $200 check (with the note-to pay the bar tab-so you know this
guy's
elevator is stuck in the basement)which we are holding, just in case we
need to send it
back.
I have tried being diplomatic, have written him several times trying to
get him off our
backs, but he is like an old mule...I think I need a #10 iron skillet to
get his
attention! If my last letter (including a sentence that says 'your
informant thinks
the information is none of your business') doesn't work, what do you do?
Has anyone in
the group had the same problem?
Love Legacy! Sure do wish this server did a digest page! Mary
Morris-Virginia
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