Hi Jessica,
The steps are a little complicated and depend on what device etcetera you have 
and other settings. It also depends on how you have your gMail account set up 
(e.g. as a gMail account, an IMAP account or a Microsoft Exchange account—all 
are possible on iOS). If you go to Mail, Contacts and Calendars Settings on 
your iOS device, tap your gMail account, you might be able to find the setting 
to delete rather than archive there. If it's not there, try tapping on your 
email address to open advanced settings, or an advanced settings button. Sorry 
I'm unable to give you exact instructions at the moment.
In Apple Mail, you shouldn't have to tell it to delete rather than archive. But 
to make sure, you should find your gMail bin/trash mailbox in the mailbox list. 
It should be in the Google Mail subfolder of your gMail account. If it's not 
there, then you probably can skip this step. If it's there, select it, then 
choose the mailbox menu, use mailbox for, trash. Again, sorry I can't give you 
the exact instructions right now but a little common sense should get you 
there. Then, you can check under mailbox behaviours tab of the accounts pane of 
Mail preferences. Make sure that send deleted messages to the trash mailbox is 
checked. Also make sure store deleted messages on the server is checked. 
Lastly, you can choose after how long you want your trashed messages to be 
permanently erased.
If you're still unclear after this, I recommend the books Take Control of Apple 
Mail in Mountain Lion and Take Control of Mail on your iPad, iPhone and iPod 
Touch. Both are by Joe Kissel and are published by TidBits. They are excellent 
resources and are how I learnt to use Apple Mail effectively.
Best,
Nic

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