We had an interesting kindergarten situation with son #2. There was a kid in his class with 2 older brothers and some clueless parents. The kid was completely out of control, pushed other kids, would bother them in line by flicking their ear, then when they reacted would play the victim, would hit people, etc. Probably exactly what he had done to him at home by his own brothers, who were basically unsupervised from the sound of it.
There is simply no way a teacher with 24 students can be there every minute of the day protecting every kid from someone like that. Parents wrote a petition to the school to have him thrown out of the school, but that isnt easy to do. Anyway it was going to be a long year, so I just told our kid that he cant hit anyone unless he is being hurt. Understand that he was already several belts up the chain in karate at age 5, with an uncompromising attitude. It got to the point where our kid would preemptively annihilate the other kid if he got too close to him, on general principle. Thankfully the teacher understood why he was doing it, because on balance, the other kid was a real nuisance, manipulative and mean. But we did have to tell our son to back off, because the other kid wasn't always trying to do bad things to him, but got punched anyway. Our kid was literally winding up before the other kid got in range. I dont know why I mention it, except to say that kids have to know how to stand their ground and be assertive. Their karate teacher actually has them stand in ready position with their hands at their sides and say in a loud voice "That's NOT OK!".There is a lot of emphasis on self control but also on being calm, believing in yourself and projecting confidence. This alone will avert many bullying type situations, because bullying types are always looking for an easily intimidated victim. It is mainly a psychological game. Knowing you can handle yourself frequently means you dont have to, because you project that ability by your attitude. This is mainly what I wanted him to learn in karate, and he is learning it. And he really likes it. Money well spent. We honestly never worried about him in this situation, while other parents were apparently very upset. We figured we will not always be there in his life to bail him out, and he may as we start figuring things out early. Eventually the other kid's parents hired some sort of life coach and got things together more at home, and of course the other kid learned to keep his distance from our kid, which was fine. I think this is easier to deal with at younger ages than later on, so we felt that it was important to get on the right track early. Simply telling kids to never stand up for themselves under any circumstance seems impractical, unfair and unwise. They need to believe in themselves and their own agency and abilities, and have some tools at their disposal. My 0.02. On Wed, Sep 19, 2018, 11:46 AM Curley McLain via Mercedes < mercedes@okiebenz.com> wrote: > Waytago! Unfortunately, in my experience, the attacked was always > punished. The attacker: sometimes, sometimes not. > > OK Don via Mercedes wrote: > > Our eldest daughter was being shoved and pushed in line by a larger male > > student in first grade. She was afraid to stand up for herself as they > had > > been told about the no tolerance of violence policy the first day, and > she > > actually listened. We gave her permission to defend herself and promised > to > > back her up. The next day the boy pushed her down, she got up and > bloodied > > his nose. When the school called, my wife informed them that if they had > > been doing their job, the bully would not have to had a lesson from our > > daughter. He never bothered her again, and there were no further > > consequences from the school. We treated her to a trip to the ice cream > > store that evening. > > > > > _______________________________________ > http://www.okiebenz.com > > To search list archives http://www.okiebenz.com/archive/ > > To Unsubscribe or change delivery options go to: > http://mail.okiebenz.com/mailman/listinfo/mercedes_okiebenz.com > > _______________________________________ http://www.okiebenz.com To search list archives http://www.okiebenz.com/archive/ To Unsubscribe or change delivery options go to: http://mail.okiebenz.com/mailman/listinfo/mercedes_okiebenz.com
